


A Question of Upbringing (AU)

by oddgirlout



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Cophine AU, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:02:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddgirlout/pseuds/oddgirlout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delphine Cormier is a beloved French teacher at a posh New England boarding school whose life largely consists of teaching, coaching fencing, and following the rules.  An email from Headmaster Rachel Duncan sends her into a tailspin as she is assigned to mentor creative writing teacher Cosima Niehaus, a wildly unprofessional new staff member who also happens to be Rachel's niece.  As Delphine spends more time with her absurd new charge she finds herself opening up and sharing more than she ever has before; but some secrets are difficult to share while others are lost in translation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Small Assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature rating is for future chapters. This is my first fic so do please comment liberally with suggestions, questions, celebrations, criticism, guidance, or puppies.

“Did you see the email?” Sarah asked as Delphine slid her phone and lunch bag on the table and slumped into a seat, exhausted after a two-hour block of AP French. She was usually on top of her email game, usually on top of all of her games, but the uncharacteristic heat of this September and the lack of air conditioning in her classroom was finally getting to her. So much so that she had made her way to the teacher’s room for lunch instead of sitting at her lonely desk contemplating poorly written papers and her usual meal of a sandwich and baby carrots. She was a creature of habit with detailed schedules, rules, and procedures. Today, however, she was a wilting flower, and the prospect of cool air on her face was enough to force her into making small talk. Anything for some relief.

“ _Non_ , dare I ask?” She ran her hands through her lank, blonde curls, grimacing at the sweat line that has formed at the top of her forehead as Sarah rolled her eyes.

“You’re going to shit. Apparently, Duncan has it in her head that we need to work across the departments more so she’s starting fucking PLCs.” Delphine raised a brow, biting into a carrot despite her lack of hunger. It was hard for her to think about food when she felt like she was swimming in a sea of her own making. She wondered if she smelled and hoped to god she had deodorant somewhere in her classroom.

“Professional learning communities,” Sarah spat, “they’re like forced friend groups for teachers who don’t even teach the same fucking thing. As if we don’t have enough to do!”

Delphine only nodded. Sarah Manning was the German teacher and she hated pretty much anything that was handed down from on high by Southbourne Academy Headmaster Rachel Duncan. Oil and water would be an understated description of the two of them together – more like piranha and barracuda. At the last faculty Christmas party Sarah referred to Rachel as a cunt within her range of hearing and since then it has been claws out from both sides. Delphine didn’t mind Rachel that much, but she tried to project an air of solidarity with her fellow foreign language teacher, it meant she had less to say.

“AND, if that’s not bad enough, we’re stuck with those bloody morons over there,” Sarah said as she chucked her sharp chin in the direction of the English department, a tightly knit group worshiped by nearly the entire student body of the quaint, New England boarding school they all called home. Delphine flipped her phone over and scrolled through her email as Scott Smith, the sophomore literature teacher with the perpetual pit stains, laughed loudly and tossed an M&M at one of the new teachers, a wildly unprofessional looking young woman with dreads and visible tattoos whose mouth was stretched wide, her silver tongue ring glinting in the shine of the fluorescent lighting.

“C’mon Smith, toss ‘er here! I played softball in college, I’m a wicked good catcher,” the dread-locked woman clapped her hands and stretched her mouth wider only to get beaned in the forehead, eliciting another round of wild laughter from her colleagues.

“HAH! Nice try Niehaus! Thank god you were better at Shakespeare than you were at softball!”

The young woman slapped the table, her many rings sounding a chorus of metallic TINGS as she shook with silent laughter. Delphine looked away in silent judgment and turned her eyes to the email that had sent Sarah into a state of simmering rage.

_Faculty and Staff –_

_I am so thrilled to be starting another school year at Southbourne Academy as your headmaster. You are a dedicated and hard-working staff and I have no doubt that this will be our best year ever! In order to increase our professional capacity across the board, we will be instituting MANDATORY professional learning communities beginning this Wednesday. Attached are your assignments – I expect detailed minutes for a full hour long meeting in my box no later than 8 pm the following Thursday._

_Welcome back and welcome aboard!_

_Rachel_

_PS: Veteran teachers and department chairs, some of you will be assigned a mentee instead of participating in the PLC program since we have a number of new staff. See the second tab of the spreadsheet for you assignments. Same expectations apply._

The postscript gave her pause. Mentorship? Seriously? Now it was her turn to be annoyed. As foreign language department chair, fencing coach, and Wolf Hall dorm administrator, Delphine was a busy woman. Mentorship almost always extended beyond the confines of the assigned time and often involved talking a nervous first year teacher off of the ledge every two days. She had done it before and had hated it with every ounce of her being. Her last mentee had been an emotional train wreck. No, that wasn't strong enough, she had been an emotional Hindenberg. It’s not that Delphine didn’t experience emotions, she just did her damndest to make sure that they existed only between the hours of 8 pm and 5 am.

“ _Merde!_ ” she hissed, startling Sarah who raised an eyebrow at her boss's sudden expletive. Delphine was always so professional and never swore, even when students were nowhere to be seen, even when drunk.

“That good huh?” Sarah nodded at her phone as Delphine shook her head, opening the attached spreadsheet. She had no doubt she was going to be assigned someone awful, that was always her luck. She could almost hear the administrators creating the chart, _Oh yeah give them to Delphine Cormier, she never complains, always a good sport. She’s a workhorse, that one, can’t say no._ Delphine scanned the list, saw her new mentee’s name, and was about to swear again when she felt a sharp ping at her temple.

“Seriously?!” She snapped as the M&M landed at her feet and rolled under the table she had stood abruptly from. Sarah snickered and rested her head on the table, trying not to make eye contact with her department chair. Delphine’s hands were balled into fists as she whipped around to face the English department table. Everyone looked down except for Cosima Niehaus who was hiding her smile behind her ringed fingers, her bespectacled eyes dancing with glee, betraying her guilt.

“Sorry!” Cosima giggled from behind her hand. “So sorry, Ms. Cormier, you just happened to stand at exactly the wrong…” her voice trailed off as Delphine turned smartly on a heel and left the lunch room, forgetting her lunch bag in the process.

She stalked towards Rachel’s office and reopened her email, wanting to be sure that she had read the chart correctly before she tore into her boss’s office, venom in her veins, emboldened by her bad mood and the lack of air conditioning that always made her testy at the beginning and end of every school year.

**SCHOOL YEAR 2013-2014**

**MENTOR / MENTEE PAIRS**

**D. Cormier – Foreign Language Department Chair / C. Niehaus – Creative Writing**

Of course she had read it correctly, she read everything correctly, and she was not going to let this one slide. She was sick of being taken advantage of by the administrators, sick of doing what she was told all of the time. She had seniority and she gave her heart and soul to this school, she wasn’t about to give up the last shreds of sanity to helping a woman who would likely be fired by March. She strode purposefully towards the front office, practicing her speech and nodding towards the students who acknowledged her with enthusiastic _bonjour madames_ ; normally she would stop and chat, but this time she was on a mission.

When she got to the front office, she saw that Rachel was in a meeting, as always. Her door was closed and the sharp voices behind it made Delphine almost feel sorry for her boss. The parents of Southbourne Academy were a tough bunch, and Rachel was the front line for complaints about disappointing grades and dorm room disasters. Delphine leaned over the secretary’s empty desk and quickly scrawled a note for Rachel to call her classroom after fourth period, then hurriedly slunk down the hall towards her room just as the first lunch bell rang. Taking the corner to her hallway quickly, she yelped as she made contact with a firm little body, the owly eyes and toothy grin of Cosima Niehaus looking up at her in apologetic shock.

“OH! OH my god, sorry again!” She grinned, grabbing Delphine’s wrists protectively and pinning them to her sides to stop her from falling backwards.  Delphine scowled and shook her hands off, righting her course with a sharp click of her heel against the marble flooring of their venerable shit heap of a building.

“Niehaus, watch where you’re going!” She snapped. Cosima took a step back and held out the lunch bag that Delphine had left behind, her grin fading substantially as her eyes locked to the floor like a puppy being scolded.

“You left this in the lunchroom, so…” Cosima’s words stopped abruptly as she shuffled nervously in her black converse sneakers, shrinking under the taller woman’s stern reproach. Delphine sighed and accepted the bag.

“ _Merci._ ” She nodded curtly, trying to school the irritation from her face as she remembered her own eagerness as a new teacher, her own bumbling ineptitude as she consistently introduced herself by her first name, forgetting that she was supposed to be Madame Cormier, instructional leader of room 218, not Delphine, recent college graduate and impoverished foreigner. She felt a pang of guilt for being so unkind to the rambunctious young woman who was only trying to be helpful, only trying to make up for her earlier antics. Cosima’s grin returned, fiercely bright and full of canines.

“ _Duh_ _reee ehhn_ , Madame Cormier,” the shorter woman replied, palming the back of her own neck self-consciously, her accent almost as bad as the freshmen. Delphine had to smile, if only faintly, as she stepped around Cosima.

“I’m going to be late…” Delphine’s words barely registered above the blast of the second bell.

“Oh! Uhmmm yeah, me too, obvs. _awww rev-warrr_!” Cosima blurted out awkwardly as Delphine made her way down the hallway towards the group of students gathering at her door. A few of her bolder seniors made snarky comments about her ruined perfect attendance record as she fumbled with her keys, the heat was getting to her, but at least she had fourth period off.

****************

“ _Au revoir madame!_ ”

“ _Au revoir Veronique, au revoir Luc!_ ” She smiled as she leaned against the doorframe, delighted by her students but also exhausted, the prospect of a full hour of free time soothing her heat shattered nerves. As the last student trickled out the door she sank into her chair and softly moaned as she cracked her neck, feeling her teacher self melt away into her just Delphine self. She slipped her impractical black heels off and drew her legs up under her crossways, delighting in the feeling of her pinched toes finally being free to brush against the soft linen of her pants. It has been a long day, and even though it wasn’t over, even though she had a department meeting to run, a practice to coach, and residential advisors to supervise, it felt amazing to be done with the dog and pony show of teaching. She rested her head against the cool fake wood of her desktop and closed her eyes for a millisecond. She breathed a brief, world-weary sigh that was almost immediately interrupted by the feeling of being watched, it was probably one her students, they had probably forgotten something, or wanted to ask an unnecessary question. She sat up quickly and looked at the doorway where Cosima was leaning, her vulpine grin electric across the room, startling in its constant vibrance.

“ _FOUTRE!_ ” She howled, surprised and annoyed. “How long have you been standing there?!”

“Not long, I just wanted to see if you were ok, I mean, after I almost ran you over in the hall and after I hit you in the head with an M&M I wanted to make sure that you didn’t get a concussion! I could have killed you, like, twice!” She rubbed the back of her neck just as she had done earlier, her face warm and open and teasing. Delphine rolled her eyes despite herself, sitting back into her chair, her legs unfolding and draping forward.

“Can I come in?”

“I have papers to grade.”

She entered anyway, Delphine was not surprised.

“Yeah, me too, SOOOO many, I can’t believe how much these kids have already written and it’s like, only been a freaking week.” She tossed herself into a backwards chair with the ease of an old friend, her jean-clad legs spread to accommodate the chair back, her chin resting awkwardly on the edge of the backrest. Delphine only wore jeans on Friday, and only after January, when the rules loosened up a little. How Cosima hadn’t been fired yet was beyond her.

“What can I do for you, Ms. Neihaus?”

“Cosima, please.”

Delphine nodded, not reciprocating the offer of familiarity. This didn’t seem to faze the dread-locked brunette who began to animatedly speak again, her hands twisting in the air, rings flashing in a race to nowhere.

"So, I just read Duncan’s email and it looks like we’re going to be, like, PLC partners, or like you’re going to be my mentor or something!”

“ _Oui_ , I guess.”

Delphine shuffled a few papers on her desk so that their edges were aligned with the edges of a twin pile, which were aligned with the desk. She tried to convey an air of detached professionalism, willing the smaller woman to just leave so that she could read some celebrity gossip or skype with her mother.

Cosima sat up straighter and put her hand out like a condescending monarch, affecting a nasally, cartoonish accent as she imitated Delphine.

“ _Weeee, I guess_.”

Delphine snorted with a short laugh before catching herself.

“I do not sound like that.”

“I do not sound like that, _wee wee, foooot!_ ”

Delphine blushed at the repeated curse, her second for the day. Cosima snickered.

“Dude, it’s cool. I swear all the time, I accidentally swore in front of my second period today, but I just got so excited about reading Neruda and then Angela, do you know Angela Martin? No? Anyway, she’s a junior and she has this amazing reading voice, and I couldn’t help it because it was just so…”

The 218 classroom phone rang, interrupted the spirited English teacher's diatribe, her hands frozen in mid explanation as her body lunged forward in order to beat the senior teacher to the pleasure of answering. Delphine leaned across her desk elegantly and snatched it before Cosima did. Cosima slumped over the back of the chair, her arms crossed as she watched the veteran teacher slip on her best teacher voice.

“ _Bonjour_ , Madame Cormier here.”

Cosima watched her with the wide grin that was becoming less disarming and more charming by the second. Delphine shook her head and looked back at her mentee, furrowing her brow as if to say, _why are you still here?_ Cosima giggling and stuck her tongue out in response. Apparently getting rid of her was not going to be easy.

“ _Oui_ , Ms. Duncan, _oui_ , I did…umm…it was...it was about…” Delphine’s eyes plead for privacy and Cosima nodded, her chair scraping loudly against the floor as she stood up and made her way to the door.

“Tell my aunt I said hi!” She called out as she skipped out the door, turning to wink at Delphine before making her way back to her own classroom or to some other part of the building to torture another unsuspecting colleague. Delphine sighed and touched her head to the desk again, this time for a different reason.

“Never mind, Ms. Duncan, I do not need anything, _non, non_ , really, it’s ok. _Merci bien_.”

She hung up the phone and shook her head against the desk, groaning audibly in the echoing silence of her suddenly empty classroom.

Tell my aunt I said hi. Seriously?

“ _Merde_ ,” she muttered and buried her hands in her hair, resigned to her fate. There was no room for relaxation right now - she found herself suddenly and desperately craving a cigarette.


	2. World Domination

They lay on the roof of the gymnasium, bellies down, watching through the skylight as various sports practices happened below them, unsuspecting coaches howling and scowling at their wards, pointing out mistake after mistake after mistake.  Cosima’s eyes were locked onto the slender blonde in the white body suit, her perfect form moving like liquid as she beat and cut against a student in a mask.  Delphine didn’t wear a mask, though even if she had Cosima would have recognized her from a mile away, she was the portrait of grace and perfection.  Rail perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect everything.  She probably didn’t even sweat.

Cosima took a deep drag of the cigarette and offered it to Scott who took it gratefully, both wishing it was marijuana instead of a Marlboro light.

“So, what do you think of Madame Cormier?” She tried to sound casual, but even the name on her tongue made the heat rise in her face.  She couldn’t stop thinking about what the other woman looked like when she didn’t know she was being watched, the way she played with those perfect blonde curls, the way she chewed on her lower lip or a pencil when she was pretending to listen to Aunt Rachel prattle on in a faculty meeting.  Cosima stared as Delphine knocked the sword out of the masked student’s hand and made a slashing motion in jest, she could almost hear her throaty, Gallic laughter.  Scott’s eyebrow raised over the edge of his impossibly huge glasses and his jaw dropped.

“Seriously?  Delphine?”

Cosima grinned, flipping onto her back, folding her arms behind her head.

“Yeah, I mean, like, what is she like?  I’m just curious.”

Scott shook his head, passing the cigarette back to his absurd little colleague.  

“Shit Cosima, I barely know her.  She’s super uptight but kids seem to love her class.  She never goes out, I think I’ve seen her at one Christmas party in the last five years.  And she’s a department head so she’s super tight with Duncan and the other big deal muckity mucks.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they trotted her out at like, every fund raising event they could...not that I’ve ever been invited to one...”

Cosima has stopped listening, she was thinking about Delphine’s perfect neck, the way she blushed when Cosima teased her, the red spreading up to her almost porcelain hued cheeks.  She bet she was soft.  She bet she smelled like flowers and spring and four thousand perfectly powdered cherub bottoms.  She snickered at her thought, really wishing she had some pot.

“I dunno, she seems pretty cool, and she’s gonna be my mentor…so…”

“Cosima, she’s a huge bitch.  God, I thought she was going to murder you after you hit her with that M&M in the lunch room.”

They both laughed at that, Delphine’s high-pitched, almost violent SERIOUSLY!? had become a battle cry for the English department, and it had been more than a few times that she had passed one of her wayward colleagues in the hall and sniped it at them before collapsing against the wall in a fit of giggles.  She loved her new friends, loved the department’s easy collegiality and collective silliness, but she also loved watching Delphine stalk away, the faint outline of her panties barely visible through her white linen pants as her full hips swayed over her dominatrix heels.  Cosima would let that woman punch her in the face repeatedly if it meant she would get to feel her warm skin against her own.

“She’s not a bitch, she’s just…”

“Tightly wound?”

“Yeah, tightly wound.  Somebody needs to unwind her, clearly...”  She winked, her tongue between her teeth.

“Oh lord, good luck with that, she’s not even gay.”

“How do you know?”

“I know.”

“Oh yeah, how?  Did you tap that Scotty?”

He laughed a bit too loudly and they both paused, listening to make sure no one below had heard them.  Even though they were teachers, they weren’t allowed to smoke on the brutally smoke free campus, and they certainly weren’t allowed to be climbing out buildings in order to check out their colleagues.  Not that Cosima really cared, she had done the same thing a thousand times while in attendance as a student.

“Hardly.  I asked her out once…”

“And…”

“She said something about being busy, then she avoided me until I gave up.  It didn’t take me long, since I can barely understand half of what she is saying anyway…”

“So that makes her straight?”

“No but…GOD!  Cosima, look at her!”

Cosima rolled over just as Delphine thrust a saber in the direction of another unsuspecting student, disarming him with another perfect flourish, her teeth flashing white behind her perfectly painted crimson lips.  She licked her own lips as the blonde laughed and pulled her perfect hair into a perfect bun, beckoning another student to come forward and meet their demise.  She and her saber moved as one, causing Cosima’s gut to tighten with the familiar clench of lust.  

“I am.  She’s amazing.”

“Yeah well, she’s straight.”

“We’ll see.”

Scott shrugged and finished the cigarette as Cosima abruptly stood, stretching her compact torso and wiggling her fingers in the air.

“Are you going to ask her out now?” He squeaked and scrambled to his feet.

“Yeah Scott, I’m gonna just pop down there right now and say, hello impossibly gorgeous, intimidating French goddess who is probably straight and might actually murder me with your insanely sexy eyes, would you like to go out to a drive in movie with me and share a malted milkshake at the soda fountain before you behead me praying mantis style?”  She kicked at his foot and laughed at her own joke, then she turned to the side wall ladder.

“I’m just going to do a little research first…”

Scott shook his head as Cosima disappeared down the ladder.  He didn’t know his new colleague well yet, but from what he ascertained, if there was anyone who could crack the bitchy French teacher, it was probably Cosima.

 

******************

 

On Wednesday, Cosima rushed into Delphine’s room, five minutes late for their first mentoring meeting.  She had tried so hard to be on time, sensing that the blonde would be less than impressed with her usual lateness, but she had gotten tied up in explicating a particularly juicy moment in Milton’s Comus and couldn’t leave her sophomores hanging as they sat rapt, listening to her dive into the nuances in Renaissance drama with the energy of kicked hornet’s nest.  Also, she had dressed as professionally as possible for once in her life, and running in heels was something she wasn’t that good at, even if they were practically training wheels compared to Delphine’s.

Delphine looked up from a stack of papers, her face a mask of passivity as the brunette practically slid through the door panting in heels and a burgundy dress, her half-sleeve tattoos as bright as her typically cheeky grin.

“You’re late, Ms. Niehaus.”

“Yeah, sorry, I mean, I’m kind of always late, so I’m kind of always sorry.”

“I’m shocked.”

Cosima collapsed into a chair and canted her head, feigning shock.

“Are you being sarcastic?”

Delphine smirked.

“ _Oui_ , I guess I am.”

Cosima let out a low whistle and stood, dragging her chair closer to Delphine’s desk.

“Wow.”

“Wow what?” The frenchwoman asked candidly, tapping her pen steadily on the top of the desk out of habit.

“I didn’t know you could be funny, Madame _Cormierrrrrrr_.”

Delphine shook her head at the absurdly over-rolled r and opened a folder, pulling out an official looking form.  Cosima rested her elbows on the edge of Delphine’s desk, her jaw resting in her upturned palms.  Delphine sat up straight in her chair, clearing her throat.

“So, we need to determine your professional goals for this year.  What are you hoping to accomplish by the end of this term?”

“World domination.” Cosima snickered, grabbing a pen from the World’s Best Teacher mug on the corner of the desk and imitating Delphine’s incessant tapping.

Delphine sighed and squared her hazel eyes on the smaller woman, her face twisting into a stern teacher glare.

“Ms. Niehaus…”

“Cosima.   _See tuh play_. Ok, I’ll settle for domination of a single hemisphere.”  She huffed an exaggerated sigh and drew her dreads into a haphazard bun on top of her head, doing her best to look teasingly defeated.  

“It’s _s’il te plait_ , seeeeel…” Delphine corrected carefully, her tongue pressing into the back of her top teeth, drawing out the sound for Cosima’s benefit, unable to resist a teachable moment.

“Thank you, Madame, though, isn’t it mademoiselle, I see you’re not wearing a ring.”  Cosima put her palms on the desk in surrender as Delphine plucked her pen from the brunette’s hands, placing the utensil back in the mug she had taken it from.

“It’s Madame.”

“But you’re not married?”

“ _Non_ ,” Delphine breathed a sigh of frustration.  “I am not, but that is neither here nor there.  What is important for today is that we determine your goals and benchmarks.  So, what about a goal for this week?  Would you like to work on objectives?  Or lesson planning?  Maybe classroom management?”

“How about getting to know you AND the domination of an impoverished micro-nation?”  The brunette’s eyes went wide, teasing her colleague from behind thick black frames.  Delphine sighed again, she was getting nowhere and she was so very tired.  She considered cancelling fencing for the day as she closed her eyes and pressed her fingers into the sockets lightly.  All she wanted to do was go home, draw a bath, and chain smoke over a trashy novel and a glass of wine.  She wanted to erase the brunette from her presence and sink in the comfortable loneliness that had slipped around her like a glove, her teacher persona her armor.

“ _D’accord, d’accord_ , fine.  I give up, I do not want to do this anymore!” She opened her eyes to Cosima’s grinning face standing above her, her palm held out.

“C’mon then.”

“What?  Where?”

  
“Let’s walk around and we can just talk.  Professionally.”  Cosima winked and closed her hand around Delphine’s, dragging her towards the door, heels clicking in unison.  The brunette was surprisingly strong, leaving the blonde no choice but to follow her, exhausted and annoyed.


	3. High Level Research

A few weeks had passed since the first meeting and Delphine found herself oddly excited that it was finally Wednesday again, it was fast becoming her favorite day of the week.  She breezed through the day with her usual grace and poise, ignoring the niggling feeling that she was doing something stupid, that her professional mask was showing more than a few cracks.  The tiny writing teacher had been impossible to say no to and even more impossible to stay mad at.  As they wandered through the cemetery adjacent to Burrell Hall, Delphine found herself opening up to Cosima’s easy questions, found her heart warming under the glow of Cosima’s enthusiasm and distractibility despite her desire to remain closed off and professional.  The other woman was a ball of energy, darting from grave to grave, her quick mind bouncing from topic to topic at a pace almost impossible to follow.  

Each week, as she tripped behind Cosima on her rambling traverse across the cemetery she tried her best not to think of Jen.  It had been so long ago, an agonizingly long courtship that had ended in disaster when Delphine realized, belatedly, that it was not a courtship at all.  Her own words - _don’t you think it’s time we admitted what this is really about_ \- had been her undoing, and a series of meetings and admonishments had left her devastated, raw, and embarrassed.  It had been almost five years ago, her first as a department chair, and she thanked the gods and stars that she still had her job, still had a shred of her dignity, even if she had traded it for her heart.  

Last week, emboldened by their growing friendship, Delphine had removed her shoes and dared to take a cigarette from her bag, her eyes cast down as she lit up.

“Marlboro lights?!  Really?”  Cosima had teased as Delphine inhaled deeply, the cigarette becoming a seamless part of her willowy being, like a dancer on a bar.

“What did you expect?” She breathed a series of heavy smoke rings, prompting a squeal of delight and a clap from the shorter woman who always removed her shoes as soon as they crossed the gate.

“I dunno, maybe Gauloises?”  Delphine rolled her eyes in response.

“Yes, because there is a veritable plethora of _le tabac bureau_ here in Massachusetts.”  Delphine offered Cosima her pack and the wolfy grin erupted in thanks as the smaller woman slipped a cigarette between her lips, leaning towards the blonde for a light.  Delphine noticed that her usually muted lips were painted a pale pink and she wondered pointedly what had inspired the sudden sense of professionalism.

“How did I know that you were a smoker?” Delphine grinned.

“I’m an open book, I guess.” Cosima retorted, attempting a french inhale then nearly gagging, collapsing in a fit of laughter.

After they had parted, she for her studio in the basement of Wolf Hall and Cosima to parts unknown, Delphine had drawn herself a bath and poured herself a generous glass of wine.  She hadn’t managed to ask Cosima much about herself, but she was curious.  How was she related to Duncan and how had she come to Southbourne?  She didn’t even know how old she was or if this was even her first year of teaching, some mentor she was.  Given the woman’s vast knowledge, the quickness with which she was able to wrap her mind around a variety of situations, Delphine guessed that she was a career changer.  This made her wonder what her past life had been, what she had called herself then?  Though she was almost impossibly ridiculous, there was a sagacity and maturity to the funny little person with the dreads that had Delphine questioning her first impressions.

She looked up at the gentle rap on her doorframe and smiled shyly as she saw the exact subject of her thoughts leaning against the doorframe, deep brown eyes framed by black plastic frames boring into her with scientific fascination, waiting for an invitation to cross the threshold of room 218.  Delphine’s whole body felt warm under her new friend’s gaze.  She did her best to check herself as she sat up from her grading, her mind reeling from the quickness of her attraction.  There had been others since Jen, paths she had followed and not followed, but none as strong and warm and all-encompassing as this.  And certainly none that were employed at Southbourne.  

“ _Bonjour_ , Cosima.  Come in, please.”  She liked that Cosima had waited to be invited in, as if there was a new respect or reverence for their relationship that had slowed the human ball of fire down.  Had she been thinking of her too?  Did she wonder what Delphine spent her personal hours on?  Did she think that she was interesting?  Did she think that she was beautiful?  Delphine felt herself become irrationally nervous as she squished her feelings deep into her roiling gut.  They were just colleagues, professional friends at best, and besides, Cosima was probably straight anyway.  The women that Delphine seemed to fall for almost always were.  

“Hey there, I have something for you.”  Cosima flounced in and tossed a tiny box onto her mentor’s desk, it was wrapped in newspaper and messily taped.

“Sorry about the wrap job, I’m not the most domestically inclined.” That toothy grin again.  Delphine looked away and mumbled a thank you, annoyed with her own thoughts and unnecessary shyness, they were friends and that was it.  Not to mention that she was a veteran teacher and Cosima was new and they were in a mentor / mentee relationship.  She did not need to have her precariously balanced sense of authority questioned, she did not need another Jen.  

Despite herself, Delphine opened the offered box and gasped.  Cosima’s grin became impossibly large, a Cheshire cat beacon in the shadowy wilderness.  Delphine held up the pack of Gitanes and laughed.

“How did you…where did you find these?”  She hadn’t had one in months, since her last pack had run out.  She had meant to call her mother back home, but she was always so busy, and her mother wasn’t exactly thrilled with her habit.

“The internet, duh, jesus Delphine, it’s like you’re some sort of technological neophyte!”  Delphine laughed and began digging through her bag for a lighter, forgetting her earlier promise to herself to remain casual and professional.  She found her body moving on its own accord, following Cosima’s skipping frame out the door and into the cemetery.  When she finally lit the Gitane, her whole body melted and she lay back in the grass, pleated dress pants and expensive silk shirt be damned.

“ _Ooooh, fils de salope_ ,” she sighed, closing her eyes, “ _ceci est incroyable!_ ” She let her lips purse as she blew smoke into the air, her shoulders cracking gloriously as the nicotine coursed through her tense body.  The sudden, uncharacteristic silence made her eyes pop open, Cosima was still grinning, but she was standing awkwardly above her, shoes in hand, was she blushing?  Delphine was too dizzy to be sure.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb your...umm...moment,” Delphine rolled her eyes and patted the grass next to her, offering the pack to her new friend.  Cosima shook her head and drew out a Marlboro Light from her bag, grinning as she lit up.

“No thanks, I’ve got my old mainstays.  Those are all yours, _ma cherie_.”  Delphine choked back a laugh and smacked Cosima’s arm lightly.  

“This is probably not how we are supposed to be spending these meetings.”

“Oh yeah?  Well, you’re the boss, so, it’s on you to guide me.”  Cosima lay on her stomach next to Delphine, grinning into her cigarette.  Delphine had faked the last few sets of minutes, it had come so easily to her that she knew she could fake another set if she had to, which was looking more and more likely.

“ _C’est vrai_ , well, I guess we should figure out your goals.”

“I don't see why world domination is not enough.” Cosima pouted.

“I think it might be too much,” Delphine laughed.

“No!  I need it all!”  Cosima threw her arms wide and flopped her face into the grass, causing Delphine to laugh deeper.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so hard - she felt a fissure in her heart open up.  She knew she should cement it back together as quickly as possible, but really, was there any harm in allowing this charming young woman a little space in her life?  She didn’t have many friends besides Sarah, and it was nice to have someone to talk to.  It’s not like there was anything else there, they weren’t flirting or anything, so it wasn’t a big deal, right?  

Cosima was a wild child, probably some sort of polyamorous straight girl who went to poetry readings and dated men with beards.  There was no way those tiny hands were meant for her.  Delphine was certain of her own ability to keep herself reasonably locked up and certain of the sweet bond forming between them, she was the mentor and she would guide the other by example, making sure that she remained at Southbourne for a long time.

“Could we do a project together?”  Cosima interrupted her train of thought with sudden seriousness, rolling onto her back after duffing out her cigarette on the grave of the right Reverend Ichabod Peele.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I was thinking...” the brunette sat up, pulling a folder of coffee-stained and crumpled papers from her bag and brandishing them at Delphine who sat up and took them eagerly.

“I was thinking, since we teach almost the same students back to back during periods one and two, that we could combine our classes and do like a translation project,”  Cosima continued as Delphine opened the folder, shocked to see meticulous plans, pacing guides, and poetry in both French and English.  She barely heard Cosima’s descriptions as she devoured the details of the plans, delighted and surprised that the other teacher had gone to such an unnecessary amount of trouble so early in the year, and for her.  It was for her, right?  It was a sweet gesture, almost impossibly so, and Delphine drank it up, determined to beat herself up over it later.

“So, what do you think?”  Delphine’s eyes fell on a piece by Lamartine, a favorite of hers from her primary school days, her face must have betrayed her sudden rush of emotion because Cosima stopped talking, her head to the side.

“Bad idea?”  

Delphine shook her head.

“ _Non, non, mon ami_ , this is a great idea.  I think, it would be…”

“Fun?”  The English teacher grinned expectantly.

“ _Oui, tres amusant_.”  

Cosima clapped for the second time that day and reached out for Delphine’s hand, squeezing it.  Delphine felt her heart stop at the excited woman’s touch.  She sucked her breath in sharply and lowered her eyelids, willing her face to not light into five hundred shades of red.  Carefully, so as not to offend Cosima, she drew her hand back and schooled her face into a cheerful smile.  The other woman was just easily excited; there was no way that she felt what Delphine felt.  No way that she was like Delphine.  She imagined Cosima in a bar with some lumberjack sized poet man who only wore plaid, his arm around her as she told a funny to story to a throng of adoring friends then popped onto her tip toes to kiss him adoringly.  Thoughts like this kept her from imagining herself in the same position as the bearded man, thoughts like this kept her safe.

“I think it will be great.” Delphine spoke, her voice shaky for the briefest millisecond.

Cosima narrowed her eyes, still smiling, before her own face relaxed into her standard grin.

“I think it will be awesome, the kids will love it, AND I want to see how you run your classroom, Madame bad ass.”

Delphine nodded absently with the ghost of a smile at the jab, drawing another cigarette to her lips.  She needed something to do with her mouth before she did something really stupid and ruined everything.  She found that, in Cosima’s company, her impulses had become less and less trustworthy.  “Ok,” she mumbled with the cigarette between her lips, unable to make further words.

"You know what else would be fun?" Cosima said as she bumped her shoulder gently into the blonde who found herself unable to respond beyond a low, “Mmm?”

"Mini golf."

"Mee-nee golf?" Delphine struggled to form the words around her tongue and shook her head.  “What is this, like, tiny table top golf or something?  Or like golf for little people?”

Cosima's jaw dropped.

"Oh my god, you don't know what mini golf is?  Have you lived under a rock the entire time you've been stateside?"

"Apparently…” Delphine devoured her second cigarette, it was almost time for fencing practice.

"Well," Cosima sat up, faking solemnity.  "Delphine Cormier, as your new friend, it is my duty to rectify this situation.  I am taking you mini golfing after school on Friday."

Meetings after school were one thing, but an outing, as friends, off campus?  Delphine felt panic welling up in her chest, but thankfully she had an excuse.  She shook her head.

" _Non_ , I cannot.  I have a fencing match to coach."

"Ok, then after.  I could even come watch..."

Delphine shrugged, suddenly overwhelmed by Cosima's generosity, by her sweet gestures and bright smiles.  She avoided her eager gaze, her heart breaking in a way that felt all too familiar.  A flash of Jen laughing and running across the beach in Maine, her arms wheeling above her head as she chased seagulls - _C’mon Deeee!  It’s not THAT cold!_

"Maybe..."

Cosima barely heard her, she was already explaining what sounded like a ridiculous game, and possibly a great deal of fun, her hands whirling through the air.  Delphine pretended to listen and nodded, trying so hard not feel the quake in her heart.


	4. En Garde

"Hey, ummm, Frau Manning?" Cosima trotted down the halls awkwardly, her hands out slightly to keep from coming unbalanced in her heels. She had dressed like an actual grown up for almost a month now but still had yet to achieve the level of stability necessary to look like anything beyond a tattooed child playing dress up.

Sarah turned on a dime and crossed her arms tightly across her chest, regarding the young English teacher with the piercing gaze she was famous for as the English teacher made her way towards her.

"Yeah, Niehaus? What is it?"

"Ummm," Cosima lowered her voice conspiratorially, looking at her own feet. "I was wondering if I could ask you something..."

Sarah smirked, she knew exactly where this was going but she enjoyed watching the quirky woman squirm.

"Sure. Shoot."

Cosima blinked a few times, confused and lost in her own thoughts, trying to choose the right words.

"Ummm, yeah, it's about Delphine, errr, Ms. Cormier, you're friends right?"

Sarah shrugged, holding her face in her trademark sardonic smirk.

"Sure, yeah, I mean, she’s my boss, but yeah."

Cosima nodded, twisting a dread nervously around her finger as a few students walked by, greeting each teacher in turn. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"Do you know, like, what she likes to do for fun, or..." she stopped suddenly as Sarah rolled her eyes, waiting to be told to fuck off or something worse.

Instead, the black clad German teacher snorted derisively.

"Fun? I’m not sure Delphine has had fun since like...the late 90s."

"Really?" Cosima stood there, stunned. In the course of a few weeks she had spent almost every day between school and fencing practice with the tall blonde goddess, smoking in the cemetery and laughing. Sarah quirked her head to the side.

"Yeah, really. So, you want to fun her up then Niehaus?"

Cosima blushed, suddenly realizing how obvious all of her actions were, she was never one for subterfuge, but now she just felt like a giant pane of love sick glass. Sarah shook her head incredulously as she snickered, impressed with the dread-locked woman’s pluck and also mildly touched by her complete lack of guile.

"Well, good luck then."

"I invited her mini golfing tonight."

Sarah's snicker turned into a full on laugh.

"Shut up! Does she even know what that is?"

Cosima shook her head and grinned, delighted that Sarah hadn't said a word about the politics of sexuality. Maybe Scott was wrong, maybe Delphine wasn't so straight after all. Or maybe Sarah only thought that Cosima wanted to make a friend, a platonic friend for movie watching and talking about men, not a...well...friend in the way that Cosima couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful French teacher.

Sarah shook her head as the bell rang, signaling yet another torturous post-Friday faculty meeting.

"Alright Niehaus, God-speed to you then." Sarah offered a mocking salute and stalked towards the lecture hall, leaving Cosima to stand there awkwardly, unsure of her next move.

*****************

Delphine barely registered her friend's voice in her ear as she stared into the empty distance, chewing on the end of her pen, occasionally stealing a glance towards the English table when she was sure she didn't feel the burn of eyes on her neck.

"Oy! D! You there boss?" Sarah snapped her fingers in front of her face as the meeting came to order and Rachel stepped up to the podium to begin outlining department budgets for the remainder of the fall semester.

Delphine smiled apologetically and turned to the speaker, jabbing her elbow lightly into Sarah's side to shush her. She sat up straighter and took a few notes, half listening as her mind wandered to the few minutes before first period this morning when Cosima was in her room, outlining her idea for their co-teaching session. She had looked so cute in a grey jersey skirt and black top, still a bit wobbly in heels, with patterned stockings and a new pair of red framed glasses. When Delphine complimented them, Cosima's face exploded into that toothy grin, her tongue poking out. Oh that tongue. _Merde_.

Delphine looked up and caught the English teacher’s eyes on her, causing her to blush, which only seem to embolden the other who winked almost lasciviously then rolled her eyes with a nod of her head towards her aunt. Delphine shook with a small silent laugh and looked away. Sarah elbowed her back and hissed.

"D., you can't be serious? You’re so fucking obvious."

Delphine affected as innocent a face as she could muster and shrugged as if to say _I have no idea what you're talking about_. Then Duncan called on her.

"Cormier, how are things looking in your arena this year?"

"Euh...uh..."

"Book budget," Sarah grumbled behind her palm. Delphine fluttered her hands in quick apology and outlined her expenses briefly and firmly, then snapped her mouth shut.

The headmaster nodded and turned to someone else, Delphine looked down at her notebook, embarrassed. It was like being in high school again, but the stakes feel higher and the embarrassments larger. Sarah was now openly gaping at her, Delphine didn’t look up for the rest of the meeting as her insides fell apart.

***************

Cosima sat in the stands wearing an old sweatshirt from her days as a Southbourne student over a pair of black jeans. She had pulled her dreads out of her face but kept her makeup on from earlier, even reapplying a little in the student bathroom before running to the gym. She didn't want to be late and so she was obscenely early, eagerly scanning the crowd of parents and students trickling in. Two of her sophomore girls approached, dopey looking boyfriends in tow.

“Hi Ms. Niehaus!”

Cosima smiled, her eyes flittering around them so as not to miss the entrance of the brightest star in her sky as introductions were made and largely ignored.

“Hey guys! Umm, you like fencing? That’s cool, go sharks!”

The girls, Emma and Alden, planted themselves in the stands next to Cosima, their man-accessories following suit.

“Ms. Niehaus, that sweatshirt is amazing, is it, like, vintage?”

Cosima mockingly thumped her own chest.

“Yes Alden, like, hella vintage, from when I was a student here during the stone age.”

“Oh c’mon Ms. N, you can’t be that old.”

“Older than I look,” Cosima muttered, her wit suddenly failing her as Delphine entered behind the small stream of her fencers. The blonde must have gone home right after the faculty meeting and changed because she wore an expensive looking power suit, black over a blood red silk top. Her hair was almost pin straight and parted to the side so severely that it brought attention to her sharply arched brows, high cheek bones, and brightly painted lips. Cosima gulped and stared openly, lifting her hand in an awkward wave as Delphine’s eyes landed on her.

Delphine nodded, her face unchanging, before turning back to her charges, her voice so low that Cosima strained unsuccessfully to hear over the growing din of the spectators. She probably conducted her strategizing in French, super fucking hot.

“Umm, Ms. Niehaus?”

Cosima snapped out of it and turned to Emma.

“Uh, yeah, sorry dude, what was that?”

Emma shook her head.

“Nevermind, I think they’re starting.”

Cosima nodded and turned her attention back to coach mode Delphine, practically salivating. She imagined those strong hands, currently clasped behind the other woman’s own back, clasped above her head, long fingers wrapped around a metal headboard, long legs tangled into hers. Cosima shook her head and blinked rapidly like she was trying to ward off a bee, these were inappropriate thoughts while sitting around children, even she could recognize that. She tried instead to follow the match, asking Alden or her boyfriend questions, both of whom answered with the bored laziness of the privileged that Cosima was all too familiar with.

While the opposing coach yelled and gave directions and even jumped around, Delphine spent the match largely tall and silent, her hands behind her back, only occasionally bending over to whisper something to a sitting fencer. Cosima studied her back, her broad shoulders, her beautiful jawline, her ridiculously amazing ass. She prayed she wasn’t too obvious but knew that the general solipsism of teenagers was enough of a barrier for her to maintain at least some edge of decorum. In the end Southbourne won, and as the teams shook hands, Delphine turned her face into the stands and gave Cosima a nod before leaving for the locker room.

Cosima bid farewell to her students and trotted down the stands, nearly tripping and taking herself out in her excitement to get to where Delphine was, to get Delphine out of the building and into the world away from children.

It was almost twenty minutes before Delphine exited the locker room in a pair of faded jeans and a Yale sweatshirt, her shoulders only slightly less tense. Cosima beamed and shot up from the bench and trotted over to her friend.

“Wow, hey there scary coach boss lady, I think you won with that pant suit alone! If I were an opposing player I would probably have dropped my sword and ran.”

Delphine smiled crookedly as she ran her hands through her straightened hair self-consciously. She had washed her makeup off and Cosima could see, for the first time, that her skin was flawless and the color of cream, her head swam as she openly stared.

“I subscribe to a Napoleonic method when it comes to competition, certainly better than the unnecessary acrobatics that were happening across the gym, _non_?”

They turned and walked into the twilight, Delphine cracking her neck, her knuckles, and her back, as Cosima bounced next to her, never taking her eyes off of her.

“So...are you ready to get your ass kicked in mini golf? I mean, I’m not super good, but I’m not super bad either, so there’s a chance that you might have a shot at winning, but probably not...I mean…” Delphine was shaking her head, causing the other woman to stop in her tracks, her fast moving hands coming to rest awkwardly at her adorable sides.

“You’re totally bailing on me right now, aren’t you?”

Delphine sighed and nodded.

“I think I have to, it was such a long day.”

“Seriously?!” Cosima imitated Delphine’s accented complaint from their first encounter, her hands flying up. “But I invited other people so we could have teams and now we’ll be uneven…”

The disappointment on Delphine’s face was undeniable, even though it barely lasted two seconds.

“You invited other people?”

“Yeah, I mean…” Cosima paused, furrowing her brow. She was unsure of what was happening but she was very sure that just a second ago Delphine’s body was not that close to her own. She practically vibrated. Did Delphine think they were going out alone, like on a date? Did she want to go out alone, like on a date? Cosima lowered her voice, grinning foolishly, “I mean...we could do something else...I could just bail too…”

Delphine chewed on her lower lip, her eyes lit by the stadium lights that surrounded the parking lot.

“I do not want to take you from your friends, _mon ami_ , I am just so very tired.”

“Yeah, no, I mean, totally understandable. You’re super busy and important and Fridays are like, the worst. We could just like, chill and watch a movie or something, or I could just walk you home and leave you alone, or I can just skiddaddle now..."

Delphine shoved her hands into her pockets, looking down into the nervously hopeful face of the English teacher. She felt the words come out before she had given them enough thought, almost instantly regretting them.

“Would you like to come over for a glass of wine?”

Cosima nodded immediately, clicking her tongue ring against the back of her lower teeth.

“Umm, yeah, I mean, if I won’t be keeping you from your beauty rest. Not that you need it, because, you’re beautiful. Like, ridiculously beautiful...insanely beautiful really...and…” Delphine turned away and half-smiled wearily into the darkening night sky. The gorgeous brunette had called her beautiful and all she could think of was how much trouble she would be in if she started something only to have it miserably implode. She decided to ignore it and just move slowly, cautiously. She was so tired she was probably reading into it anyway. Lots of people had called her beautiful, she was beautiful, she knew that already. Cosima was just being nice.

“ _Bon_ , I live in Wolf. It’s…”

“Not far. Right. I went here, you know, I know where Wolf is. Though I’ve never seen the dorm apartments before. I live off campus, my recreational activities are not really dorm appropriate....”

Delphine wore a questioning look but Cosima was already off in the direction of Wolf Hall, recounting her student days and the many adventures she had at Southbourne. Delphine tried to keep up, exhausted but pleased. Cosima was just coming over for a glass of wine, no harm in that, it was nice to have a new friend in the big brave world.


	5. Textual Evidence

“When are you gonna tell her then?” Sarah asked as she popped the last of a pastry into her mouth, her eyes narrowing on Delphine’s brightly shining red face.

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re a raging dyke, D!”  Sarah grimaced and covered Kira’s ears as the little girl’s eyes got wide at the naughty word, her coloring hand pausing over her placemat.

Delphine groaned and looked down at her untouched food, her stomach in knots over the fact that just 12 hours ago Cosima had been in her apartment - they had shared barely half of a bottle of wine when Delphine feigned near debilitating exhaustion and forced the confused little woman out before her hands betrayed the rush of blood to her head at the sight of her body draped over the opposite corner of her couch.

“ _Merde, je ne sais pas_ , never?” She felt her eyes get misty as she moved her untouched eggs around her plate, streaking the edges with grease.  How could she have let this happen, how could she have fallen for a colleague AGAIN, a colleague who also happened to be the headmaster's niece?!  Kira snuggled up to her side and made her grin in spite of her frustration and sadness.  

“Why are you sad Auntie Delphine?”

Delphine leaned over and kissed the little girl on the top of her sweet head.

“I’m not sad _ma cherie_ , just...confused.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.

“She’s into you, you dippy French dumb ass.”

“Mommy!”

“Sorry monkey, I’ll put a dollar in the swear jar.”

Delphine shook her head.

“ _Non_ , she is just friendly, that is all.”

Sarah laughed so abruptly and loudly that a few other patrons turned to stare, this was forever happening and forever embarrassing Delphine.

“You’re a fuuuhhh - moron, D.  That little twit is totally into you, always staring at you in meetings and following you around like a lost puppy, she spends half of her day falling over herself just to be near you.”

“I’m her mentor.”

Sarah almost choked on the bite of eggs she stole from the angsty French woman’s plate.

“Yeah, I bet you’d like to teach her all sorts of things.”

“Sarah!”

“Don’t lie D., you’re sprung and you’d like nothing more than to tangle your hands into those dreads…”

Delphine lifted her fork off of the table and brandished it menacingly, Kira giggled and followed suit, outnumbering the glowering German teacher.

“ _S’il vous plait_ , Sarah, _mon dieu_ , people will hear you!”

Another eye roll.

“This is about Jen, isn’t it?”

Delphine shrugged, biting her lip as she looked away, wishing she could smoke inside or just get it over with and spontaneously combust, disappearing into the sea of her perpetual embarrassment and self loathing.  Her friendship with Jen had started off not dissimilarly, Jen was always at her side, always teasing.  They went on mini vacations together, planned lessons together, ate nearly all of their meals together, and after eight months of pent up sexual frustration, Delphine had cornered her boldly - _why don’t we admit what this is really about_ \- and kissed her with all of the passion she had in her.  That was when Jen had nearly choked on her own surprise and straight up fled.  Fled and reported her for sexual harassment.

“Oh my god, it is!  D., that was like a million years ago!  And this one is definitely gay.  I know for a fact!”

“How?”

“Because she asked me about you.  She wanted to know what you were into...”

“When!? What did you tell her?"

“Before the faculty meeting…and I didn't tell her shhhh-anything.”

Delphine stared at her friend in disbelief, remembering how awkward and rushed she was as she practically pushed Cosima off of her couch and out of her apartment, trying so hard not to watch the brunette as she licked her lips or lowered her eyes while listening to Delphine speak.  She thought about Cosima's hurt expression and her sad, wilted goodbye and her whole body ached.  She grabbed her phone, shooting off a quick text without thinking.

**Desole, mon ami.**

The reply was almost instantaneous, causing Kira to jump back at the vibration on the table, spilling water.  Sarah bit back another curse and began mopping it up.  Delphine was oblivious.

**???**

**It means I’m sorry.**

**I know that, or at least google translate did, but WHY are you sorry?**

**For how I acted last night.  I was a bit off.**

**It's cool.  Hang tonight?**

Delphine paused and looked up at Sarah who rolled her eyes and moved from wiping up water to eating shamelessly from Delphine’s plate.

"Don't look at me, dumbass, it's your heart."

"Mommy!"

"Ugh, sorry baby.  Don't tell daddy, ok?  I’ll put two dollars in the swear jar."

Kira nodded as Delphine texted furiously, like a love-addled teenager, missing the interaction between mother and daughter.  She wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted, before finally settling on something simple.

**Oui.  Yes.  Let's hang.**

She blushed at Cosima's almost instant reply, the other woman was a far more prodigious user of technology than her poor French colleague.

**I can almost hear you saying that out loud in your amazing accent and I can't stop smiling.  I'll meet you outside Wolf at 8 pm.**

Delphine thrust the phone at Sarah, grinning.  She knew it would probably end badly, but why not give it a small chance?  If Cosima had asked about her then she must be at least a tiny bit interested which meant that Delphine would not be the aggressor, for once.  She was suddenly giddy, and hungry.  Her moods were so prone to change over the last month that she probably should have been concerned, but instead she just allowed herself a moment to be unhinged with joy.  She went to stab her fork into her eggs but was met with the ping of porcelain.  Sarah smirked and shrugged, tapping her swollen belly.

"Sorry bitch, eating for two."

"Mommy!"

“Ugh, monkey, sorry!”

Delphine couldn't stop laughing.

  
  


******************

 

**What should I wear for our outing?**

She almost typed date then thought better of it.  Even if the English teacher had been serious when she asked Sarah about her, Delphine didn’t want to risk being too forward, they were still staunchly in the friend zone.  It was 1 pm and Delphine was already losing her mind with the heady mix of anxiety and excitement that Cosima inspired, the next seven hours were going to be brutal.  Cosima’s reply came an excruciating 76 seconds later, not that Delphine was counting.

**Outing?  Who says that?  Are you 80?  Are we living in the 19th century now? ;)**

Cheeky woman.  Delphine lay back on her bed, wrapped in a towel, her hair a mess of wet curls around her face.

**Not helpful, mon ami.**

With her left hand around her phone, she felt her right hand slide beneath the towel as if controlled by forces outside of herself, tracing errant patterns across the peaks and valley of her breasts before dancing around her own belly button.  She imagined Cosima’s deft little hands instead of her own, the shine of her rings in imagined candlelight flickering shadows and reflections across the ceiling, Delphine shuddered as she teased her own folds, hardly surprised by her wetness.

**What do you want to wear?**

_A silk robe over little else_...her mind betrayed her heart and she closed her eyes, taking the fantasy further as she drove two fingers inside of herself.  She saw Cosima’s olive skinned, curvaceous frame tied to the headboard, her own tight body positioned above her, teasing the other woman into a frenzy as her body bucked against her restraints, begging to be touched.  Delphine moaned softly and jammed her face into a pillow, even though most of the students were away for the long weekend there was always a chance that an international student was lurking in the computer lab two doors down.  She had to be careful, as always.  She paused her ministrations to answer her friend, wiping her slick fingers onto her towel.

**I need to know what we are doing so I can dress appropriately.**

**I was going to leave that up to you, you seem to like being in control.**

Delphine grinned broadly, how is it that this curious woman seemed to have her pegged within such a short span of time?  She knew she shouldn’t be flirting like this, especially with the increasingly incriminating physical evidence of the text messages.  She flipped onto her belly, kicking her legs behind her gleefully.  Fuck it.

**What makes you say that?**

Her eyes burned into the little thought bubble, the dots flashing as Cosima typed from an unknown location.

**Just a hunch.**

That’s it?  Delphine was about to flip over and go back to the delicious fantasy of dominating the brunette in the most inappropriate ways when another message popped.

**And…**

A pause, the bubble again.

**Power looks really sexy on you.**

Delphine giggled out loud, squishing her face into her own pillow like a 15 year old girl.  Sexy.  She had called her sexy.  Cosima thought she was sexy.  Her guts tightened and her face turned bright red as she continued to giggle like an idiot into her pillow.  She couldn’t think of an apt response, her brain was overloaded.  Thankfully she didn’t have to, the flood of messages from Cosima was steady and singularly focused.

**If I had to choose an outfit for you…**

**not knowing the full extent of your wardrobe…**

**but having at least the semblance of an idea...**

**I would choose…**

God, it was like the little woman was teasing her via text, Delphine squirmed.  She couldn't feel badly about this because it just felt too good, she loved the chase, loved the game.

**a tight black dress (sleeveless, plunging neckline, bonus points for low slung back).**

**thigh highs (the kind with the seam up the back, bonus points for garter belt).**

**stilettos (I know you have plenty of those).**

**and…**

Delphine was already off the bed, furiously digging through her closet, she had to have something that came close to that description, she’d gone to so many fundraising events during her time at Southbourne that she was practically swimming in black cocktail dresses.  The vibration of her phone drew her back to the bed, her eyes wide at the next message.

**Nothing else (en garde, madame).**

And then a postscript.

**Though I am a little worried that you will not be up to such a challenge when in close proximity to MOI.**

Well, that was fast.  She laughed out loud and sat down, already dialing one of her favorite restaurants a few towns over.  She would leave Cosima hanging for a little while, make her sweat it out as she made reservations, thought of an appropriately hot response, hunted down sexy date clothing, and undid the coiling tightness in her gut.


	6. Let The Games Begin

“Whaaaaaaaaat the fuck are you doing?”  Scott rolled his head to the side, his cheek touching the cool wood of Cosima’s floor.  He was super stoned and trying very hard to maintain his high without completely passing out.  Cosima sat cross legged on the couch, giggling like a maniac, fingers flying across the screen of her phone.

“I’m sexting Madame Cormier.”

Scott sat bolt upright.

“Shut the fuck up, you are not!”

Cosima tossed the phone at her friend with an evil grin, reveling in her high and her clever boldness.  Scott’s eyes popped nearly out of their sockets as he read, then slurred.

“But...she hasn’t said anything back...dude...you totally took it too far!”

Cosima frowned, her emotions easily changed by the prospect of offending Delphine, or worse, of ruining their friendship.  It’s true that she wanted the tall blonde, desperately so, but she also loved just spending time with her, and the thought of ruining that made her literally do a face palm.  She started running through possible excuses and apologies but her marijuana-addled brain was capable of very little beyond imagining Delphine naked.  She giggled then stopped herself.

“Ugh, I should not text while stoned…”

Scott shook his head and tried to slide the phone back to Cosima, only to have it disappear under the couch into a warren of dust bunnies and discarded roach clips.  Cosima  smirked and made the universal goal sign and tried to reach under the couch, only to fall off of it, her giggles building to a violent crescendo of stoned laughter.  Scott joined in the chorus and it was several minutes before they calmed down and remember why they were laughing.  Cosima retrieved her phone and saw the thought bubble, the little flashing dots.  It had been almost fourteen minutes since she sent Delphine the explosively sexual series of texts.  This could be bad.  Like really bad.

**Since I am the portrait of restraint and decorum...**

Or it could be good.

**I do not think I have anything to worry about concerning this challenge you have proposed.**

Like, really good.

**You, on the other hand, should be the one who is worried.**

Cosima sucked in a sharp breath and stood up, furiously typing a reply.

**And why should I be the worried one, Madame Cormier?**

**You’ll see, Mademoiselle Niehaus.**

**Will I?**

**Oui. There will be much to see.  Wear something nice.**

Fuuuuuuuuck.  Cosima kicked Scott, who yelped and rolled away from her.

“DUDE!  What the fuck!?”

“You gotta leave.”

“Right now!?”

Cosima nodded furiously and began running around her apartment, grabbing dirty laundry and empty cups.  She had six hours to clean her bachelorette disaster area and find suitable clothing for what was now most certainly a date.  If she played her cards right they would not be returning to the Southbourne campus.  Scott stood up, a bit dizzy.

“So...it’s on then?”

Cosima grinned, a fox in the forest, her tongue between her teeth, tongue ring poking out.

“Oooooh it’s more than on.”

 

******************

 

Cosima was late.  Not insanely so, but enough that she kicked her heels off as she trotted across the lower quad yard towards Delphine's apartment, the task made even more difficult by the tightness of her dress and the chill in the air.  She would probably end up with a run in her stockings, but at this juncture she just wanted to be as close to on time as possible.  She nearly smacked into her date as she tore around the corner in a flurry of dreads and clashing bracelets.  Delphine squealed and lifted up the hand she was holding her cigarette in.

"Oh my god, Del -"

Her brain stopped as she stood back to take in the full picture of the smiling blonde - black dress, stilettos, her hair wildly curly and pulled back in a tight mass of bobby pins, her eyes dark with perfectly smudged makeup that looked effortless but probably had taken the better part of an hour to pull off.

" _Bonsoir_ Cosima, I see you are punctual as always."

Delphine smiling teasingly then leaned forward and gave two quick kisses to either side of Cosima's lips, which trembled slightly from the touch.  She wanted desperately to reach up and grab the other woman's face, hold it against her own in a full on makeout session, but they were on campus and this was only the first minute of what promised to be a spectacular evening.  When Delphine stood back to full height she laughed softly at Cosima's shit eating grin.

"Delphine, wow...you look amazing."

"You do as well, _mon ami_."

"Oh wow, you even had the stockings!"

Delphine winked conspiratorially and whispered in a dark voice.

"Challenge accepted...in its entirety."

Cosima's face flushed a satisfying shade of red and her mouth went dry.  Delphine schooled her face into as passive a smile as she could.  She was going to torture the shorter woman for a while, if only for her own self preservation.

"Should we commence this outing then?"

"Um yeah, yes definitely, outing away!"

Cosima popped back into her shoes and scurried behind Delphine who strode purposefully ahead, giving Cosima a full view of the plunging back of her dress and the smattering of freckles that kissed the sides of her spine.  Cosima was close to tears of joy - this was going to be the best fucking date ever - she just knew it.

 

******************

 

They sat across from each, consumed by the occasional silence as they awkwardly maneuvered around mundane topics while sitting on the knowledge of the other's intentions made transparent through the earlier textual evidence.  Delphine swirled her wine glass lazily towards the end of the meal, listening to Cosima explain her love for poetry, her clever hands flying through the air.

"So yeah, I mean, it's like music, but like, better.  Poetry is sexy, it's languid and always moving and there's so few words for so much depth and I just love untangling the knots of meaning and...are you listening?"

She stopped abruptly, narrowing her eyes as Delphine started and looked up into her inquisitive face and away from the excited woman's cleavage.

" _Oui!_  Of course I'm listening, you were talking about depth.." she flashed an awkward and unconvincing half smile as she slipped a stiletto off and ran her foot up Cosima's calf, eliciting a short gasp.  Cosima's voice dropped a tad.

"You were not listening...you were..."

Delphine ran her foot a little higher and leaned over the table, resting her elbows on the edge and placed her tilted chin into her palms, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I was what, _s'il vous plait_?  You should finish your thought _mademoiselle_."  She made sure to end her sentence with a gentle nudge of her own breasts with the sides of her arms, causing Cosima to groan low.

"Not fair..."

" _C'est juste..._ "

"Nuh uh." the brunette leaned closer to the small bistro table, her eyes hungrily falling on the French beauty's form so close to her and yet not within arms reach.  If she could have, she would have reached under the table to confirm that Delphine had indeed risen to the challenge.  Delphine pursed her lips mockingly.

" _Mon pauvre petit chiot!_ "

Cosima grinned lasciviously.

"I have no idea what you are saying but it all sounds double sexy, super sexy really, when you say it in French."

Delphine paused to finish her glass of wine, looking around quickly, a bit self conscious.  She had a filthy mouth in the bedroom, but in public?  Cosima's eager grin was enough to make her forget any feelings of concern or worry.  She didn't even bother thinking about the consequences of having another French speaker nearby, despite being in a French restaurant, she was in too deep.

" _Je veux rentrer a la maison avec vous..._ "

Cosima shivered.

"I know the last two words...I like where this is going..."

" _Alors, je vais vous embrasse_."

"I'm pretty sure I know the last word…please continue..."

" _Alors, si vous etes chanceux, je vais te faire foutre_.  I know you know _that_ last word."

Delphine's voice took on a throaty, almost threatening edge.  Cosima's smiles vanished abruptly and were replaced with a deep and reverential dropped jaw, dark eyed lust.

"I can't...make thoughts..."

" _Pensee est pas necessaire_."

Cosima was already turned around, her eyes darting around the restaurant for their waiter.  Delphine leaned back with a satisfied smile, brushing a loose curl behind her ear and looking for her purse.  Cosima, however, beat her to it.  Before the waiter was within five feet of their table she was stretching her credit card towards him.

"Just put it all on here, we have a show to get to..."

Delphine grinned behind her hand and shook her head.

"A show?" She canted her head, amused, as the waiter scurried away.

"Ummmm yeah.  I believe that you have something to show me, Madame Cormier, and so, our venue needs to change in order to accommodate this swiftly shifting, uhhh, situation."

" _Oui_ ," Delphine nodded in mock seriousness as the waiter apologetically rushed the paid check back to be to signed.  Cosima grinned, canines flashing, and stood, offering her gorgeous date a chivalrous hand.

"Madame?"

Delphine took her hand, beaming.

" _Merci, mademoiselle.  Votre maison.  Maintenant._ "

  
Cosima nodded, practically dragging Delphine out the door.  There were some things that were easy to translate if you thought about them hard enough.  Research had shown that Delphine could become a text within her grasp. 


	7. A House Ablaze

Despite her best efforts, Cosima was unable to confirm if Delphine had followed through on her challenge as quickly as she would have liked to.  On the way to the car Delphine skirted around her hands and giggled like a little girl, her high heeled agility far beyond the brunette's who nearly face planted twice in a fit of laughter.  Laughter that made Delphine’s heart explode.

Once in the car they forwent a hasty make out session in order to get home sooner, which only made them both more insane.  Delphine, legitimately a model of restraint, slapped Cosima away a few times before eventually picking up the brunette's free hand and drawing her fingers into her mouth one by one, moaning softly and swirling her tongue around each digit with her eyes closed until Cosima nearly t-boned a minivan after running a red light.  After that they agreed to keep their hands to themselves until the car was secure and in park.

"We're like, almost there." Cosima assured her, her fingers twitching nervously.  Delphine could barely function, her responses were short and breathy, lost in the profile of her adorable little love interest.  Her mind went five hundred miles per minute, oscillating between excitement and terror.  What would Cosima be like?  She had given Delphine control, but would that persist?  Did Delphine even want it to?  She wanted nothing more than to make the cheeky English teacher with the dazzling smile happy, even if it meant restraining herself in the service of getting to know the other.  This was more than lust, this was Cosima, and Delphine was in huge trouble and deep waters.

She tried to slow her mind down, focus on the present and the delightful prospect of unwrapping this delicious woman like a favorite treat, but she couldn't keep all of the difficult thoughts at bay.  What if she wasn’t what Cosima wanted?  What if, in the end, she was a disappointment, all of her sad and silent and lonely years visible on her untouched surfaces?  What if she froze?  What if she didn’t? They drove in silence for another ten minutes, hearts pounding in time.

"D-Delphine..." Cosima shakily broke the silence as she turned onto Dyad Drive, coming to park at 324B, a stately brick apartment building with a miniature English garden in the courtyard.

“Mmm?” Delphine looked over, studying the smaller woman in the yellow flood of the street lamp light, willing herself to stay still and calm.

“I just want to...I mean...I want you to know that like, whatever happens is fine by me, I mean...I just…I don’t know you well, or at least not in this way, and I don’t know what you’re comfortable with and...” Cosima palmed the back of her neck nervously and looked down, unable to meet Delphine’s electric gaze.  Delphine grinned foolishly and dragged the other woman with both hands by the coat collar across the center console, pressing her lips sweetly to Cosima’s who sighed and melted in turn.  They kissed like this for what felt like the better part of an hour, lost in the thrill of first base attention and pent up desire along with the nervosa inducing prospect of release.  Cosima pulled away abruptly, grinning wickedly, her voice a whisper.

“Because I can drive you home...if you want me to…”

“ _Ta gueule_ , before I shut you up myself, _s’il vous plait_.”  Delphine grabbed the other woman’s hand and slid it up her thigh, pushing Cosima greedily against her exposed warmth, slick and pulsing with her arousal.  Cosima moaned openly, louder than she meant to.  Delphine sucked in a sharp breath, pushing herself into Cosima's palm, an admission of want.  Their lips slammed together and their teeth clashed, Delphine's hand went to Cosima's left breast and squeezed hard.

“Oooooh my god you’re so wet.”  Cosima moaned, tracing her fingers through the intricacies of the woman who had been the singular focus of her free thoughts since her return to New England.  A woman who was threatening to tear her apart in only the best ways possible.

“ _Je suis mouille pour vous_ , Cosima.”  Delphine growled as Cosima dug deeper before abruptly beating a hasty retreat and jumping out of the car to run around and open Delphine’s door for her.  Delphine accepted her hand and followed the bouncing woman across the lot and up a few flight of stairs.  They paused at Unit 21, Cosima furiously digging through her bag while Delphine utilized her height advantage, her arms around the brunette's waist, her mouth locked to the back of her neck, marking her as her own.  Before Cosima was able to open her door, Delphine flipped her around and pinned her against the wall, burning a trail of kisses across the other woman's jaw, her hands roughly pulling their hips together.  Cosima shivered and felt her knees nearly give out as she dropped her keys with a metallic THUD and threw her arms around the taller woman, pulling her in hungrily, their bodies a collision of limbs.

When they finally made it through the door, Cosima pushed Delphine back and held up a finger with a grin.

"Wait here one sec, ok?"

Delphine nodded, her bottom lip between her teeth, trying her damndest to not maul the other woman.  Cosima ran into her room, did the most absurdly happy dance, then traipsed around lighting the dozens of candles melted onto the windowsills and other surfaces throughout the room, kicking her shoes off as she went.  As a last touch she docked her phone and scrolled to some Portishead, the deep bass line sure to set the mood.  She wanted Delphine to top her, she could tell from their evening that it’s what would make her new lover happy, and she wanted the sexy French goddess to feel ok just taking her out and reducing her to the basest shreds of her humanity, she wanted Delphine to feel secure in turning her into a human puddle.

Cosima poked her head around the corner and grinned at Delphine who had draped her jacket over the back of the couch and was looking about the living room cautiously, her body a lightning rod, her long fingers tentatively brushing the surfaces of Cosima's chaotic life.

"Ok, ready."

Delphine grinned and sauntered steadily towards the bedroom, heels clicking on the hardwood until she was stopped by clever hands and the altar like glow of the candle light.  The drapes were red and heavy, the comforter tight and straight, burgundy and gold paisley.  The bed was enormous and took up the bulk of the small bedroom space.  Cosima stood barefoot and grinning, backlit by the flickering light and the thrumming depth of the bass.  Wax dripped from almost every surface, a landlord's nightmare.  Delphine's breath caught in her throat.

" _Mon dieu_ , Cosima, I..." but the time for words was over as the world came to a standstill and together they built a house of sticks and set it ablaze.  First to go was Delphine's dress, an easy action given its diaphanous nature, leaving her in the promised garter belt, expensive lace topped thigh highs, heels, and nothing else.  Cosima stepped back and held her hands up.

"Wait, I want to see you. I want to remember this forever."

Delphine complied with her request, reaching back into her hair and plucking hair pins out one by one until her curls were loose and wild around her angular face, her hips rocking subtly in time with the foreign music, all actions driven by instinct.  She ran her hands along her own torso, teasing her own breasts as she arched her back and shook out her hair.  Cosima sat back on the bed, her powerful legs swinging lightly with joy as the taller woman then bent forward and unstrapped her stilettos, stepping out with a graceful fluidity previously undiscovered in the mortal population.  Cosima planted her open palms deep into the mattress to steady herself, barely registered how badly she was shaking with desire, excitement, and the faint tendril of fear.  Would she be good enough for the gorgeous French woman?  Would she be able to keep up?  Though she'd certainly had her share of encounters, this felt different.  This felt like her whole body was coming undone at the seams, it felt like touching Delphine was the most important thing that would ever happen to her in her life.

Delphine moved forward slowly, excruciatingly so, her hips a vicious pendulum.  

“What do you want, Cosima?”  She leaned into Cosima’s face, brushing her lips sweetly against the full pout of her compact beloved, barely kissing her, willing her to speak.  Delphine's hands rested over Cosima's palms as her fingers relaxing and tightening in steadily repetition, echoing the promised rhythm of future activities.  Cosima answered with a shaky whisper, her eyes wide and her breathing shallow.

“I want to be yours, totally yours.”

“ _Mien?  Oui?_ ”  Delphine straddled the clothed brunette, brushing the heat of her sex against the tapestry of Cosima’s dress.  She raked her blunt nails up Cosima's spine and brought them to rest at the base of her neck, teasing.

“Yes, please…” Cosima managed to whine as Delphine suddenly pushed her back, her palms a quick flash then flat on the shorter woman’s sternum.

“Mine how?”  Delphine laced as much innocence into her voice as possible while pushing Cosima’s dress up and over her head, settling herself onto the English teacher’s belly, drawing forth a distinctly ragged gasp.

“As you see fit, madame, I am yours in total and I want you to…” Cosima struggled back into the depths of her large mind, searching for the perfect term to bring her French lover to her, to reduce them both to quaking piles of nonsensical madness.  Delphine pinched Cosima's nipple lightly, testing the boundaries.  Cosima ground her teeth and moaned in approval.

“ _Te prendres_?”

Cosima nodded furiously, her hands locking onto Delphine’s softly rolling hips as they increased their speed ever so slightly.  She thanked the technology gods and her own foresight for the google search “dirty French phrases” - and though her accent wasn’t perfect, the words were enough to light Delphine’s entire self ablaze, a burning house collapsing around their rolling, moaning, rubbing, kissing, and glowing bodies.

“Yes, please...do with me what you will... _prends moi_."

 

**********************

 

Despite the sensory overload, despite the nerve wracking nature of a first encounter, and despite the rapidity and frequency with which Cosima shattered beneath Delphine’s skilled attention, she knew she would remember at least a few things about how it all went down that first time.

She would remember the tumble of multi-lingual curses from both of their lips as Delphine's long fingers slid into her, making her almost impossibly full.  

She would remember being flipped over and the burn of a palm unexpectedly tearing across her upturned ass, her own howl probably waking neighbors three towns over.

She would remember Delphine's mouth on her cunt and how the French woman had pinned her hands to her sides and turned her completely inside out, not letting her touch her as she teased and dipped and hummed five thousand approvals over Cosima's ragged gasps and high pitches yeses, bright hazel eyes alight.

And she would remember, after what felt like an eternity, finally and with little prelude, pumping her own fingers into the dominant blonde and the way Delphine unwound with a low, soul crushing moan in only a matter of minutes then collapsed in a heap of exhaustion and smiling laughter, shaking her head and declaring momentary defeat.

They clung together sweetly and kissed until the birds sang an obnoxious warbling chorus just outside the single pane windows with their beautifully useless wavy glass.  Marooned on the island of sex, they could not stop, could not let go.  Delphine yawned and nuzzled Cosima's neck.

"I am so tired, but I do not want to stop."

Cosima grinned and played with Delphine's perfect hair, taking in every inch of her.  Delphine's fingers traced lazy patterns over Cosima's breasts, belly, and back.  The room was warm and they remained uncovered, studying each other by the failing light of the last few dying candles and the threat of a rising sun.

"A break does not mean stopping."

Delphine grinned against Cosima's neck, nipping her soft skin gently - delighted by how easy it had been, how amazing it was to take a lover who was secure with herself and her sexuality.

"Cosima..."

"Mmm?"

"Nothing, I just like saying your name, _ma cherie_."

Cosima pressed her face into the top of Delphine's head, exhausted but unable to contain herself.  Everything ached, she was certain that sitting and walking would be difficult for a few days, but she couldn't stop herself, her fingers tightening into Delphine's perfect disaster of golden curls.

"Say it again..."

"Cosima."

 

That lilt, that rolling whisper. This is how the world will end, on the tongue of the most perfect woman ever created.  Cosima ran her fingers down Delphine's body, stopping to tease the quivering muscles of her abdomen, then teasing lightly up her inner thigh.

"Again."

A sharp gasp, an upward roll of hips.

"Cosimaaaa..."

Delphine's eyes fluttered closed as Cosima slid deftly inside of her, giving her a reason to call out her name.  It was 5 am on the Sunday of a long weekend - they would not see the true light of day until Monday afternoon.


	8. A Truth Universally Acknowledged

"I don't wanna gooooooo, you can’t make me!" Cosima gripped the rumpled covers of her bed, her lower lip jutting out like a caricature.  Delphine imagined her adorably small, impossibly sexy girlfriend as a petulant child and laughed out loud.  

"Cosima..." the half naked blond mumbled soothingly as she leaned forward and gripped the other woman’s pouting face in her palms. "It will be fine, we do not have to stay long, and you will be with me."  She took Cosima's hands into her own and kissed the palms then each individual finger, her lover shivering with glee.  Whenever Delphine did this it reminded Cosima of their first date, their almost car accident, and the 48 hours spent tangled together thereafter.  Cosima sighed and nuzzled into Delphine’s shoulder, determined to stay the tide just a little bit longer.

"I do not like them either, _ma cherie_ , but it will be better with you near me, and maybe later, if you're good..." Delphine winked and let her words hang between them as she reluctantly released the cheekily grinning face of her favorite person and rose to hunt for stockings.

“You’re not the boss of me!” Cosima howled with a grin and buried herself deeper in the covers, tucking them beneath herself like a squealing little lady burrito.  Delphine shook her head and continued to get ready for yet another Southbourne Alumnae Association fund raising dinner at Rachel and Ferdinand’s house.  Even though they would travel together, they would be largely separate in the cavernous Headmaster’s mansion.  They had agreed to be discrete at school and did their best to act casually around their colleagues, their relationship only declared to a few friends on campus.  When they ran into each other in the hallway they spoke about their highly lauded co-teaching initiative, about students they shared, or they simply exchanged pleasantries as their minds went to the acrobatics of the previous evening.

Aside from the few errant days when they tried to be reasonable adults with independent lives and the days when Delphine had dorm supervisory duties, they had spent every night for the last four months together in Cosima's apartment.  Half of Delphine's wardrobe lived there, she had a toothbrush there, they had purchased various...accessories...together.  She was thankful that Sarah was on maternity leave, she had no doubt that she would be teased mercilessly for her school-girl behavior, for the wide-eyed grin that plastered her face whenever Cosima spoke, or touched her, or breathed in her presence.

"But...Deeeeeeee...why do I need to be there!?  Aunt Rachel doesn't ACTUALLY want me there and I haaaaaaaate going to that house!"

Delphine began rifling through Cosima's closet, digging for suitable fundraiser attire.  It was true that since their entanglement Cosima had made strides in dressing like a professional grown-up, but she still had a long way to go when it came to tattoo-covering, fundraiser appropriate attire.  Delphine sighed, grazing the disorganized rack for something, anything, that she could get the other woman into with expedience.  

"Do you have anything with long sleeves?"

"Are you going to dress me?!" Cosima replied with a muffled snort of laughter from beneath the thick comforter as Delphine tossed a black suit onto the bed, the heavy wooden hanger whacking her lover's head with a satisfying THUNK.

"Ooooooow!" Cosima popped out of the covers, dreads askance, blinking furiously to adjust to the lighting sans glasses.  Delphine grinned and slid next to her, cocktail dress peeled around her waist as she fastened her own bra then poked lovingly at the still pajama-clad woman who refused to act like an adult.

"You are such a baby, _mon chiot_."

Cosima stuck her tongue out at the French woman and took up the black suit with an eye roll.

"You're the puppy."

Delphine snapped her teeth playfully and turned her back to Cosima who took the cue and zipped up her dress.  She then stood and slid into lower heels than usual so as not to completely tower over her favorite English teacher should they find themselves in the same circle of conversational schmoozery.

"Cosima, you have five minutes..."

"Oh yeah?  Or what?"

"Or..." Delphine grinned and dragged her beloved up to a standing position, wrapping her arms around her waist and whispering seductively into her ear, pausing between words to lightly suck Cosima’s earlobe, "I am going to be unzipping this dress myself tonight...sooooo very slowly...and I am not going to let you participate...or watch..."

Cosima grinned and turned her head to kiss Delphine’s neck, only to miss as the stealthy blonde ducked away.  She sighed defeatedly and stepped into the suit pants, resuming her pouty face.

"Fine, ten minutes."

"Five."

"You drive a hard bargain, woman."

"Four point five now...rapide, rapide!"

Delphine slapped Cosima's ass and trotted out the door, leaving her to her own devices.  She went to the bathroom and finished putting on make up, checked her newly straightened hair for anything out of place, then put on one of Cosima’s more interesting and colorful necklaces, a small rebellion.  She practiced her best "give a fuck" face a few times and flashed a few smiles just to be sure she was still capable of doing anything outside of the sex cocoon she'd existed in for the last four months.  When she came out Cosima was still in the bedroom.

" _Mon dieu!_  Cosima, we are already late!"

She grumbled and set about putting her bag in order when a sudden rush to her hips and a pair of strong arms around her waist made her stumble forward and nearly dive headlong into the couch.  She caught her balance in the wake of her own high-pitched expletive by throwing her arms behind her and looping them around Cosima’s neck.

"We could be late for more entertaining reasons..."

Delphine turned in her lover's arms and looked down into her beautiful face, studying her freckles, her dimpled smile, the way she poked her tongue between her teeth, the faint click of the tongue ring grasping her canines.  The suit fit her powerful frame perfectly and it was all Delphine could do to not collapse back into the rhythm that had dominated the bulk of her personal time since that fateful long weekend in October.  Cosima’s dreads were pulled tightly into a bun and her eyes were rimmed with dark eyeliner.  Delphine took in a sharp breath meant to convey exasperation, her hands going to her hips.

"Cosima, I swear by all that is holy..."

"Ok! Ok!  I'm ready.  Let's get this noise over with so I can get you home and have my way with you."

Delphine arched an amused brow.

"Your way, _mon amour_?"

Cosima blushed and pushed her face into Delphine's neck, kissing her sweetly.

"Fine, your way, at least to start..."

Delphine shivered and drew her lover closer.  They were already late, they could spare another five minutes.  Cosima eagerly popped onto her tiptoes and brought their lips together, pulling Delphine’s lower lip between her teeth with a chuckle at the back of her throat.  Delphine returned the kiss enthusiastically, suddenly and miraculously unperturbed by the lateness of the hour.  There was something about Cosima that made her lose track of things, especially the metaphorical stick that had once been planted squarely up the French woman’s ass.

She felt the words slip out from between her lips before she could stop herself.  She had felt them that first night they had spent together and had resisted their release until she could no longer stop herself as they came out in a low tumble.  She probably said them before during their more intense bedroom acrobatics, she was almost certain she had, but this was different, this could not easily go unacknowledged.  It was as if her mind had gone into autopilot and her mouth had decided that now was the perfect time to declare mutiny and expose the depths of her recently thawed heart.  Delphine’s lips moved against Cosima’s, her voice a low whisper.

" _Je t'aime_."

Cosima pushed back and looked startled.  Not exactly the reaction Delphine had hoped for.  Not that she had hoped for anything, since she had no intention of uttering those words this soon, or ever.  But the heart is a fickle muscle that refuses to remain silent and Delphine’s had spent too much time as an empty vessel.  Now, her heart brimming with a fullness that was beyond her comprehension, she found herself spilling over and uttering the words that she had meant to keep to herself as long as possible. Delphine looked down into the dark brown eyes of her beloved, preparing herself for the worst.  She felt like such a girl.

"You...you do?"

Delphine gulped and nodded, the exposure excruciating as she looked away, not sure of what to do.  She touched her hair nervously and studied the floorboards, suddenly thrown off.  Cosima palmed her cheeks and pulled their lips together, mumbling against the others lips, stilling Delphine's pounding heart and the blood rushing in her ears.

"Well that's good, because I love you too."

Delphine smiled into their kiss and dropped back onto the couch with a delighted laugh, pulling Cosima into her lap.  Five more minutes, they could spare five more minutes.

 

***********************

They were over an hour late when they pulled into the driveway of the headmaster's mansion.  Staggering their entrances so as not to draw attention to themselves, Delphine bounded up the steps while Cosima leaned against the car smoking, snow sticking to her dreads and to the shoulders of the coat that Delphine had insisted she wear despite her protests.  She watched her girlfriend until the door closed, her face stretched in an impossible grin.  How could she possibly be this lucky?  It was one thing to have experienced Delphine, to have touched her, but to have won her love?  That was far beyond her wildest dreams.  She literally pat herself on the back and stomped out her cigarette before striding up the grand stairs whilst popping a piece of gum into her mouth.

As soon as she entered she spotted Delphine across the great room, chatting with a board member, and grinned foolishly as the blonde acknowledged her with a half nod and a wink.  Delphine was so much better at the game and her game face was sexy as hell.  It made Cosima think of all of the times she had spied on her as she managed her little sword fighting squad in the gym which in turn made her grin like an idiot as she turned towards the familiar voice saying her name.

"How nice of you to finally grace us with your presence, Cosima." Rachel approached from behind, a glass of champagne in one hand, her uncle Ferdinand on the other arm.  Cosima schooled her face into a sober half smile like she had seen Delphine do so many times, though it was difficult to contain her own abject glee after a solid thirty minutes of hurried yet satisfying couch sex.  

"Hello Aunt Rachel, Uncle Ferdinand, sorry I'm late, I was..." - getting pounded by the gorgeous foreign language department chair and learning how to say fuck me in at least five new ways - "working on a piece and got sucked in." She grinned toothily and snatched a glass of champagne off of the nearest waiter's tray, taking a deep slug.  Rachel nodded, barely listening.

"Yes, fine, lovely.  Anyway, there are a few donors I want you to meet, fans of yours, do you think you can act like an adult for a few minutes?"

Cosima groaned as her Uncle Ferdinand excused himself with a sympathetic eyebrow wiggle, she always liked him and was none too pleased to have her aunt as an escort when he was equally well equipped to save her.

"God, yes, I'm not totally incapable."

"Good.  They're right over here, try not to say anything totally insane."

Rachel's face morphed into a mask of pleasure as she dragged her niece over to a group of grey haired men, bird-like little academics who were probably Southbourne alum.  Delphine was about five feet away and smirked over the rim of her champagne flute as Cosima shifted anxiously throughout the introductions.  The French woman could only make out bits and pieces of the conversation, but a few of them made her suddenly unable to listen to the board member she had been previously engaged with.

"Yes, she's on a sabbatical and teaching our creative writing classes, it will be a shame to lose her at the end of the year..."

One of the men said something and Cosima nodded eagerly.  He drew a slim book from his bag and Cosima opened it, signed it, and returned it to him.  The man practically vibrated with joy.  Delphine strained to hear but between the mumbling drone of the board member talking about how he would love to chaperone a trip to Paris and the string quartet in the corner, she could make out little of what they were saying.

"Such a fan of your work Ms. Niehaus."

Fan? Work?  In their short, largely naked courtship, Cosima never mentioned work outside of teaching.  She had never mentioned anything about a book, or a sabbatical, and she certainly never mentioned anything about leaving.  Delphine touched the board member's arm lightly and excused herself with a charming smile, hunting for a bathroom in the cavernous home.  Once behind the locked bathroom door, her charm dissolved and her arms shook as she pulled her phone out and googled Cosima's name, something she had never thought to do before.  Wikipedia was the first page to come up.

_Cosima Niehaus (born December 12th, 1979) is an American poet and essayist known for her highly charged, erotic, radical feminist verse.  She is the distinguished Edward M. Ward lecturer and poet-in-residence at Stanford University.   Niehaus was also a finalist for the National Book Award in poetry for her 2010 collection "History Yet to be Written."  Themes of her poetry include desire, homoeroticism, intimacy, and alchemy._

Delphine steadied herself on the counter.  Stanford?  National Book Award?  Chaired lecturer?  Cosima had talked about previous jobs as teaching appointments in a very general sense and talked about her own poetry almost never. Delphine had never read any, save for the adorable snippets of verse that were tucked in her desk and in text books for her to find.  Delphine felt dizzy and confused, was there another Cosima Niehaus?  Was her Cosima this Cosima?  How did she not know these things about the woman who had made her orgasm more times in four months than she had in her entire life to date?  A knock at the door startled her, she turned on the faucet and called out, "une minute," composing herself as best she could.

Exiting the bathroom, she was ambushed by the tiny brunette who pushed her back in and locked the door behind them, giggling menacingly.  

"Oh hello gorgeous, I've always wanted to sneak a feel of your sexy body in my Auntie's house."  She popped onto her tiptoes and lay a searing kiss on the blonde's lips.  Delphine was frozen in place, her lips unmoving.  Her brain felt like a glacier, moving slowly enough as to appear totally immobile.  Cosima pulled back and looked up through the adorably nerdy black frames of her glasses, confused and concerned.

"D., are you ok?"

Delphine shook her head, unsure of what to think, she had put up so many walls only to have them bulldozed by the tiny woman in a matter of four irresponsible months.  She had locked her heart away only to have it drawn out so quickly that she wondered if she would ever be able to shove it back into her chest and at least resemble someone who was intact.  Just the other day she had fantasized about Cosima in a wedding dress, about children, moving off campus to live together.  But a sabbatical?  California?  Perhaps she had misread the entire situation.  Perhaps she had allowed herself to fall too hard and too soon, consumed by the almost religious experience of touching her beloved.  She felt like a massive open wound, festering and humiliated by the quickness of her attraction, the allowed fantasies that seemed doomed to stay simply that, and her own racing heart.  She half smiled down at Cosima and brushed around her, towards the door, trying her best to steady her voice.

" _Oui_ , I am ok. Let us get back out there before we are missed."

Cosima grabbed her arm, her brow furrowed.

"Delphine, what is it?"

"Nothing, Cosima.” Not _ma cherie_ , not _mon amour_.  Cosima tightened her grip and narrowed her eyes, she was not going to let Delphine get away without a fight, especially when the blonde looked so distraught.

"Come on, tell me, did someone give you a hard time?  Did my aunt..."

Delphine felt her face grow hot with embarrassment as she shook her head.  She had told her she loved her a few hours ago, had made love to her on the couch instead of arriving punctually to a work event.  She was ready to rearrange her carefully laid out life in order to fit the other in and now?  It had only been four months, what did she expect?  A marriage proposal, a declaration of a full and total life together?  She couldn't necessarily blame Cosima, but she didn't understand how these massive life details had just never come up.  They managed to talk at least part of the time they were together!  She pulled her arm away.

"I am not feeling so well, I think I should go home."

Cosima smiled sympathetically and nodded.

"Ok, I'll get our coats..."

" _Non_ , Cosima.  My home.  I will just walk by myself, _merci..._ "

Before Cosima could protest, Delphine was out the door.  In a daze, she smiled at Rachel, said her goodbyes, and walked out into the midwinter chill. By the time she was at the end of the driveway, tears were beginning to form and her hair was wavy from the melting snow falling around her.  Stupid.  She was so fucking stupid.  How could she have let herself go from emotionally unavailable frigid ice queen to the equivalent of a heart broken teenage girl in just four months?  How could she let herself fall in love with someone she worked with, someone related to her boss, and someone who was not entirely what she had professed to be?  She cursed and lit a cigarette, it was late enough that students who were out were breaking curfew so they would avoid her anyway.  She didn’t give a fuck who saw her as her eye makeup streaked down her face and her lungs wrapped around the heady smoke of the gitane.  The Gitane.  She hissed out a string of curses and stomped it out, nearly breaking a heel as she made her way to Wolf Hall, a maelstrom of tightly wound, overflowing, Gallic rage.

When she walked into her apartment she checked her phone despite herself.  It was lit up with an explosion of messages from Cosima.

**Where are you???**

**Did you seriously just leave?**

**What did I do?!**

**Please answer me!**

**I'm coming over as soon as I escape my aunt.**

**If you don't let me in I'm going to sit on your steps and freeze to death.**

**I will be significantly less attractive when dead.**

**Unless you’re into that… ;)**

Delphine groaned in frustration, why did Cosima have to be so infuriatingly adorable at the worst god damn times?  Her heart was a mess and her make up was streaked and her legs were screaming from the cold power walk that had brought her to her miserable basement abode.  She sat on the couch, head in her hands, her shoulders tight and her teeth grit.  California.  Stanford.  Sabbatical.  Fuck.  It was another ten minutes before her phone vibrated again.  She walked upstairs and opened the door, barely looking at Cosima as she turned and charged back into her apartment.

"D., what the fuck!  What ha -"

Delphine whipped around quickly, her words a violent and harsh whisper, her face contorted in anger and sadness as she slammed the door loudly after the other woman entered her apartment.

"Watch your mouth and your tone, we are on campus and this job is important to me even if it is not to you!"

Cosima’s eyes widened and she grit her teeth.  Muttering an apology she sat in the chair opposite from Delphine who was perched at the end of a couch cushion, her body a spring.  Cosima found herself growing annoyed with the sudden outburst, the sudden emotional strain.   She was not one to stray outside of the light hearted land of heady sex when in a relationship.  Not that she had been in many, or any really.  Her life until Delphine had been a steady stream of shameless flirting, one night stands, and flings, with one horribly complicated exception.

"What was that?  You just walked out!"

Delphine felt her chest ripping open as she put her face into her palms, trying to hide her tears.  She had meant to stay angry, meant to wear the face of rage, but the pleading eyes and swirling hands of Cosima drew her out and broke her to bits.  Her words were a loud sob.

"Why did you not tell me?"

"Tell you what?!"

"That you are on sabbatical and that you live in California and that you are a chaired fucking lecturer at STANFORD!  Why did you let me fall for you knowing that you would leave and why did you not share these details of your fucking LIFE!?"

Delphine heard her voice rising, heard her girlish desperation, her wailing misery. She heard herself curse, surprised by the violence of her reaction.  She felt like a child. She had no right to make demands of Cosima or her time, it had only been a few months, they hadn't defined anything specifically.  But she loved her, she thought of her as her girlfriend, she wanted to be with her forever.  And now?  She felt Cosima's arms around her as she sobbed, ashamed and embarrassed by the weight of her own feelings.  Walls are only as good as their ability to hold up a roof and hers had fallen in completely.

"Oh, Delphine, shhh, don't cry.  Stop.  I'm not going anywhere, I'm not!"

Delphine looked up, sniffling.  She was probably the only woman on earth who could straight up ugly cry and still look like a supermodel.  Cosima kissed her wet cheeks, her arms tightening around the taller woman in an awkward grip as she slid onto the couch next to her.

"I'm here right now, ok, and I'm going to figure out my next steps, I didn't exactly expect to find you D...it's all just as sudden for me too...and as...deep."

Delphine choked another sob back.

"No, Cosima, I do not want to be the thing that keeps you from your life, from the work you do.  Your life is so grand and large and I am not."

Cosima laughed sharply, laying her forehead against Delphine's.

"I can work anywhere, I'm a writer.  Also, it's not just about you, I like it here.  Remember, I spent tons of time here before I ever met you."

Delphine shook her head, burying her swollen face into Cosima’s neck.

"But still...why lie to me?"

"I never lied, D.  I just never said anything about it because I was just trying to figure it all out, there are other things too, other things that happened.  I’m here for alot of reasons but you are by far the best part of it all."

"I have never even read your work!"

Cosima smiled despite herself, kissing the top of Delphine’s head and down her temple.

"I'll give you all of the copies you want, just please stop crying.  I guess I was just too busy knowing you to think about how best to let you know me."

Cosima kissed the pale skin of Delphine's throat, the creamy curve of her shoulder.  Delphine sighed and leaned into her, whispering urgently.

" _Je t'aime, je t'aime_ \- I'm so sorry but I do.  I want to be with you and I want to know you and I want to be good for you."

Delphine fluttered under Cosima’s touch.  She took this as a positive cue and moved the straps of Delphine’s dress down her arms, kissing the hollows of her collarbones as she shivered deliciously, forgetting her previous rage, forgetting her own red rimmed eyes and disheveled hair.  It had been years since she had fallen apart, but now that all the emotional sutures were torn out there was no salvation for her.  Cosima kissed her gently, her voice low and soothing.

"I know you do baby, and I love you too, I mean it."

Delphine stifled a moan as her beloved pushed her dress down, sliding it over her hips and onto the floor.  They lay back on the tight dorm couch, Cosima on top of Delphine, a rare positional switch.  She whispered into the ear of the blonde, pausing to nip at her earlobe.

"You are so beautiful, like, not for real beautiful, like goddess on high beautiful."

Delphine shivered at the voice in her neck, goosebumps forming on her arms, her defenses completely overpowered.  Cosima traced light circles around the other woman's belly, across the expanse of her breasts.

"I would be a fucking idiot to leave you.  If you'll keep me around I'll stay as long as you can stand me."

Delphine nodded against the other's neck, her breath hitching with every touch.

"I do not know, I do not..." she cut her own thoughts short as Cosima sat up between her legs, smiling down at her.

"You can't know everything."

Delphine bit her lower lip as she shook her head.

"I do not like to not know, I do not like to not..."

Cosima slid a finger under the waistband of her underwear and finished the blonde's thought as Delphine bit the back of her fist to contain the bubbling French expletive on her tongue.

"Be in control.  I know.  But you can't control everything, right?"

Cosima teased her beloved slowly, lightly swiping her clit with her nimble fingers.  Delphine wiped her face with her palms and gasped.  How did she go from spitting rage to a human puddle in under 20 minutes?  What was it about Cosima that turned her into a complete, stuttering moron?  She rolled her hips up slightly, the energy of anger easily displaced to another part of her psyche.

" _Merde!  Non_ , I guess not..."

Cosima pushed a bit harder on the bundle of nerves, her grin turning toothy and teasing.

"You guess not?  I didn't think you guessed at anything, Madame Cormier, I thought you just knew everything."

Delphine squirmed, resisting the urge to tackle her and fuck her across the floor.  She tried so hard to be quiet, so hard to contain it all.  They were in her apartment for the first time since she awkwardly kicked Cosima out four months ago and she was swimming in a sudden and torrential sea of want.  She grabbed a pillow and muffled herself as Cosima slid one finger into her.

" _Merde_ , Cosima..."

Cosima took the pillow away, her eyes narrowing mischievously, her tongue running over her lips.

"Nuh uh Madame Cormier, you are going to have to control yourself without assistance, since you like control so much."

Cosima slid another finger in, her wrist folded around Delphine black panties.  Delphine's hips rose into Cosima's touch, she bit her lip, her soft body trembling as she fought back the urge to cry out.  Cosima worked her slowly, pulling her fingers almost fully out before crashing them back in roughly only to come to a brief pause.  Delphine's eyes rolled back in her head as she clawed at Cosima who pushed back, just out of her grasp.

"Nope.  Not yet, I want to see you."

Delphine nodded, trying to remain silent, her hips bucking and begging.

" _Plus vite, s'il te plait!_ "

"Is that more, or faster, or both?"

Cosima whispered with mock innocence as Delphine's back arched and her mouth opened after a particularly hard thrust.  She inserted another finger, using her thumb to massage the roiling woman's clit as she gained a steady momentum.  Delphine made a few groans and gasps but did a reasonable job of keeping herself quiet, the apartment filled with the sound of their collectively harsh breathing and the smell of sex.  

Cosima felt the beautiful French woman's muscles tighten around her fingers as she sped up.  She leaned forward, still fully clothed, and kissed her uncharacteristically vulnerable lover who moaned into her mouth as she came with shaking force, tears streaming down her cheeks.  Cosima grinned and drew her fingers out of the shuddering woman's sex, pressing them against Delphine's parted lips.  Delphine pulled the blunt-nailed fingers between her teeth and tasted herself on the skin of the other, her eyes glistening.

Cosima smiled into her face, warm and kind and loving.  This is how the world will end, in the hands of a clever woman covered in tattoos.  Delphine turned her face into the couch, giggling and undone.  Even if the future was short and wildly uncertain, it was not something she wanted to experience without the amazing woman hovering above her, whispering words of love.  She felt the last shred of her hold fall away, all she wanted was to be consumed, totally and completely, by Cosima.

"Cosima..."

"Mmm, yes D?"

Delphine laced her fingers together at the back of Cosima's neck, pulling her down tightly, willing their bodies closer.  She ran her lips softly against Cosima's neck, eliciting a shiver from the smaller woman.

"I want you, _mon amour_."

Cosima moaned softly, Delphine's throaty voice setting off a thousand fireworks in her already hyper sexed brain.  She returned the whisper, kissing Delphine's jawline, her cheeks, her neck.

"You have me, totally."

Delphine's hands made a shameless trek to the Cosima's ass, squeezing tightly, pushing her down into herself hard and desperate.  She arched her back slightly and closed her eyes, her whole body a tingling electric mess.

"I want your mouth on me..."

Cosima's eyes widened at the uncharacteristic sweetness of her lover's voice, the unusually soft request that she was more than happy to fulfill.  She could count on one hand the number of times she had managed to get her face between Delphine's thighs for any substantial amount of time. The taller woman was always so much faster, always orchestrating their mutual pleasure and only letting go after Cosima had orgasmed at least twice.  The words were barely out of from Delphine's mouth as Cosima slithered down her lover's body quickly.  She didn't linger over any of Delphine's other delicious bits or parts, she was determined to bring her beloved to orgasm first before she changed her mind and wrestled back the control she loved so much.

Delphine groaned and buried her face into the back of the couch as Cosima's tongue parted her folds, the slightly colder metal of her tongue ring pushing against her clit.  Half hanging off the couch, Cosima pulled back for a moment and tore her own shirt and pants off before diving back in, probing and tasting the thick tang of Delphine's post orgasm arousal.  She traced hard, deliberate circles over the blonde's clit as she felt strong fingers tangle into her dreads, her jaw tensing up from the motion.  

" _Ooooh mon dieu, Cosimaaaaa..._ "

Delphine whispered harshly, her mouth still forming all manner of raunchy words even after her vocal cords had ceased to make sound.  Cosima hummed low and jammed her tongue as deep as possible into Delphine's slick cunt, making the tall blonde whimper and buck her hips, hard, the motion throwing Cosima off balance and sending her to the floor with a surprised squeal and a loud THUD.  Her tailbone was going to have a serious bruise by morning.  She collapsed onto the floor in a heap of giggles as Delphine flew up in surprise, eyes wide and hair a post coital tangle of gold.

"Cosima, _desole_!  Are you alright?"

Cosima tried her best to quiet her own hysterical laughter, tears forming at the corners of her eyes, her nearly naked body shaking with glee.  They were in a dorm, she had to remind herself, her open palms cemented over her own mouth as she nodded, managing to squeak out words.

"It's ok, it's ok, I'm ok, I'm ok Delphine..."

Delphine slid onto the floor, trying to not laugh herself, and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, kissing all over her face furiously.  Cosima's laughter finally slowed as her lips found purchase on Delphine's neck.  She ran her tongue across the pale expanse then blew across the damp trail, making Delphine shiver and pull her closer.

" _Je t'aime_...I am so sorry..."

Cosima grinned and nibbled Delphine's earlobe.

"I love you too...and we should probably move to your bed in order to reduce any further risk of injury."

Delphine giggled and nodded, standing quickly and hauling Cosima to her feet.

"We have to be very quiet."

Cosima grinned wickedly.

"We?  I won't be able to make much noise with my mouth full...but you..."

Cosima stood on her tip toes, the fabric of her bra and panties brushing against her beloved's naked frame as she kissed her jawline hungrily, her clever fingers teasing the other's angular hips.  Delphine sucked in a quick breath and dragged Cosima towards her bedroom like a horny teenager, her surrender complete.


	9. Ultima Multis

_There were other things that happened..._

The line echoed in Delphine's head throughout the day and well into the next several days.  She would catch herself wondering what Cosima had meant and when she brought it up her adorably open lover would draw into herself the tiniest bit, claiming that it wasn't a good time or it wasn't really a big deal.

Days turned into weeks, a week became two months.  Cosima gave her copies of past work, shared her current pieces with her, and began getting excited about the press buzz that had swollen since a rave review of her first collection of essays had been featured in the Atlantic Monthly.  Delphine drove her the two hours into the city to give a reading at Harvard and her heart swelled up as her beloved rolled her eyes in front of a crowd of several hundred people, charmingly reaching up to drag the mic down several inches and mumbling with a shake of her head, "I could use my partner up here to fix this situation."  A few eyes lit on Delphine who blushed a deep crimson from her seat in the front row.

Her partner.  They were partners.  Delphine finally gave up dorm supervisory responsibilities after nervously approaching Rachel about her relationship with her niece.

"So...you're gay." The headmaster had remarked with surprising candor, her usual public relations face revealing genuine curiosity and surprise.  Delphine had grinned and looked out the window behind Rachel's head for a moment.  It was a beautiful early spring day and the quad was covered with lounging students.  Once she would have squirmed under the word as if it were an accusation, now she embraced it as hard as she embraced her sweet beloved every night before they drifted off to sleep together.

" _Oui_ , though my sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me."

"Yes well, you're involved with my niece, so I imagine that's true." Rachel had laughed politely and agreed that it was best to allow Delphine to move off campus before the end of the school year.  It was the beginning of April when she finally took up residence at 324B, Unit 21.  The lease would be up in August, and then?  She didn't ask.

Cosima, for her part, remained oblivious to Delphine’s growing anxiety, her quick mind bouncing around their small space like a ping pong ball as she planned for readings, graded student work, and talked to reporters.  For one interview a young man from The New Yorker came to ask Cosima about some protests that erupted after her work was selected as required reading for the entire freshman class of a small liberal arts college in the Midwest.  He then asked for a picture, which Cosima dragged Delphine into.

"Get us both, I want the world to know how much I lucked out on this sabbatical, and I want those miserable fly-over state conservatives to know that gay people are beautiful, but my girlfriend is by far the most beautiful."

Delphine laughed and nervously tossed her hair into a ponytail.  She had been cleaning and looked like a bit of a mess, but she obligingly posed, the portrait of easy love and domesticity.  The picture made the rounds during the last month of school and a few students even had them each sign a copy.  They had been so worried that the kids would be uncomfortable with them, but in the end they were declared the cutest couple on campus.

They became those women who finished each other's sentences -  the story of how they met was a choreographed dance of adorable gestures and timed interruptions.

"So then I asked Sarah Manning..."

Delphine would laugh.

"She did not know that I was gay..."

"Oh my god D., how could I?!  You were practically impossible to approach with that boss bitch thing you had going on..."

Delphine would smile, lean in for a kiss, whisper something adorable in French and everyone near them would proclaim that they were the sweetest women to host, so much fun to be around.  At night, however, in the darkest corners of her thoughts, Delphine stewed.  What would happen in August?  She had ceased worrying about being accused of taking advantage of her position, that felt like such a silly thing to worry about now, but her head was stuffed with new worries.  As she watched her partner sleep, always naked, her arms over her head like she was riding a roller coaster, she couldn't help fear what would become of her if she was suddenly stuck in a post Cosima world.  The thought made her whole body ache.

********************

It was the end of June and her classroom was finally empty.  Delphine puddled into her seat, pleased with the final days of school but completely toasted. She hated how hot her classroom got and considered begging Rachel to be moved into another building for the following school year.  It wouldn't matter either way because Cosima wouldn't be there, she would be spending the summer and the beginning of the school year on a speaking tour sponsored by the small press that published her work.  The tour was set to begin tomorrow and Delphine had no idea how she would occupy her time in 324B, Unit 21 without the non-stop whirlwind of the smaller woman buzzing around, crashing into things, crashing into her.  She had insisted on renewing the lease before Cosima had even brought it up; Cosima had smiled complacently and shrugged her agreement from behind the keys of her ancient, finicky typewriter.  This felt like, if not entirely a good sign, at least a decent sign.

She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed, rubbing her temples, mumbling to herself.

"So fucking hot..."

She had picked up the ubiquitous and versatile American curse from her beloved and was always a bit surprised when she peppered it into her own speech.  Almost everything made her think of Cosima, and this was just another thing that set her mind to wandering, she imagined the harsh intake of breath as her fingers ran over the brunette’s torso, the taste of her skin, the way her legs wrapped around her when she...

A familiar voice jolted her out of her sweaty, increasingly raunchy reverie.

"Yeah you are!"

She looked up at Cosima bounding across the room and smiled, running a hand through her sweat drenched, tightly wound curls.

" _Allo, mon amour. Ca va?_ "

She turned in her chair and opened her arms widely, her legs slightly.  Cosima came to rest between her knees, kissing her far more fiercely than appropriate for being on campus.  Delphine gasped against her and pushed her lightly back, chuckling.

"There might still be students..."

"And...I'm done.  So..."

Delphine shook her head.

" _Oui_ , but I am not."

Cosima kissed her again and mumbled against her lips in a low voice.

"I have something for you."

" _Ooooh, pour moi?_ "

"Mm hmmm...it's in my classroom..."

Delphine arched a curious brow as Cosima pulled her to her feet and dragged her out the door as she'd done so many times throughout the school year, though this time she did not drop her hand as they made their way up the stairs.  She wondered what it could be.  Cosima was forever joking about making love in one of their classrooms and Delphine found herself suddenly nervous.  This was a boundary she wasn’t sure she could cross, as sexy as it would be to top her lover on one of the ancient desks of their venerable institution.  She squeezed Cosima’s hand as she scurried behind her, the brunette far quicker in her battered converse sneakers than Delphine was in heels.

"You've gotta close your eyes though," Cosima demanded as they stood outside of her door, hands on the precious swell of her hips.  Delphine complied with a small pout that Cosima immediately kissed.

" _D'accord_.  I am ready."

Cosima opened the door and led her girlfriend in, practically vibrating with excitement.

"Don't peek."

"I will not."

Cosima mockingly and lovingly repeated Delphine, her voice laced with laughter at her own terrible fake accent.  She sat Delphine on the stool she used to pontificate from and put the temporarily blind woman's palms on the desk.

"Ok, open your eyes."

Delphine opened her eyes and on the desk was a suitcase.  She furrowed her brow as Cosima bounced on the balls of her feet, clapping her hands giddily.

" _Qu'est-ce que c'est?_ "

"Open it, open it!"

Delphine laughed at her partner's excitement and did as she was told.  Inside was a sequined black sheath gown that probably cost more than their rent, a bottle of Perrier Jouet (Delphine’s favorite), three packs of Gitanes, and a white envelope.  Delphine opened the envelope and in it were a series of first class plane tickets, each with her name on them.  She flipped through them, reading the destinations off, confused but delighted.

"New York, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., back to New York, Boston..."

She stopped on the last ticket, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Paris."

Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine's shoulders from behind, whispering sexily into her ear.

"The dress is for when you take me out for fancy ass french food in Paris..."

"And the champagne?" Delphine asked, her voice a throaty, emotional whisper.

"Oh, yeah.  That's for tonight."

“Tonight?”

Cosima nodded with a grin, her lips sealed in a tight line as if to say you’ll see.  Delphine pulled Cosima up into her lap - students be dammed - and kissed her slowly, pausing to mumble against her lover's mouth.

"I do not know what to say."

"I assume that means you’re in, sooooooo, thank you and I love you are good starts."

Delphine laughed, squeezing Cosima's hips playfully, making her grin brighter.

" _Oui, merci.  Je t'aime._ "  Another pause, another kiss.  Cosima shivered and squirmed forward over Delphine's thighs, pressed their breasts together through their clothes.  Delphine looped her strong arms tightly around the tiny waisted brunette.

"This is too much though, _mon amour_.  At least let me..."

Cosima shook her head.

"Nope, nope.  I will be in boring talks and lectures all day.  This will be like work - I read some poetry and some snarky feminist essays and be an academic schmooze - you keep me company and make me look like a respectable, grown-ass woman. Think of it as a contract position to be my traveling muse.  Also, we're in a bit of a bubble here, I thought maybe if we visited a few places together it would make things concerning next steps...clearer.  Would you be ok with that? I mean, I think we could really use the time alone...for all sorts of things..."  

Delphine nodded and buried her face in Cosima's neck with a grin.  Cosima wanted to take her places, she didn’t want to leave her behind.  Delphine kissed a soft trail up the front of her neck, forcing Cosima’s chin into the air.  Cosima sighed happily as her jaw line was given its due attention, her arms looped around her lover’s shoulders as she mashed them tightly together.  Delphine moaned softly against her beloved’s tanned flesh, muttering all manner of endearments as her fingers inched up the back of Cosima’s shirt, teasing the clasp of her bra.  Cosima arched her back into Delphine’s touch.

“God, you are so gorgeous…so fucking sexy...”

“Mmm, is that why you keep me around _ma cherie_?”

Delphine slid her fingers quickly beneath the other’s underwire and pinched an already hardened nipple, causing Cosima to groan throatily into their kiss.

“Oooh, D - I keep you around for all sorts of reasons…”

“ _Oui?_  Such as?”

Delphine slipped the bra up carefully and used her free arm to steady Cosima enough to turn their bodies so that Delphine’s back was to the door, shielding them from at least some scrutiny.   If they were caught at least it would look maybe PG-13 kinda sorta.

“Well, for one thing…” Cosima gasped as Delphine rolled her nipple a little harder and broke their kiss to pay further homage to the spot behind her ear, Cosima’s absolute favorite.  The smaller woman shivered, her voice cracking as she continued, “for one thing...the dishes were almost never done before you moved in…”

Delphine bit Cosima’s earlobe and smacked her arm with her free hand.

“You are such a brat!”

Cosima grinned and pulled their embrace even tighter, whispering into Delphine’s ear.

“Yeah, but I’m your brat.”

“Cheeky.”

Delphine removed her hand from Cosima’s shirt and wrapped her arms tightly around the brunette’s waist, kissing her slowly, their tongues tangled and teeth occasionally knocking.  This went on for a solid five minutes - until they were interrupted by the sound of exaggerated fake gagging.

"Ugggggggggh!  There are children around you fucking dykes!"

"Mommy!"

The two women turned quickly, nearly falling off of the stool they were tangled up on, to see a grinning Sarah holding baby Helena in one arm and Kira's hand with the other.  Cosima sheepishly slid off of Delphine and smiled a shy and blushing hello as she tried to discretely adjust her poorly positioned bra, there was something about the formidable German teacher that turned her into stuttering wreck, like she was a bumbling sophomore who forgot her homework or needlessly failed an exam.  Delphine stood and lightly hip checked her girlfriend with a ringing laugh before bounding across the room, scooping the baby girl into her arms.

" _Bonjour mon petit bebe!_ "  Delphine nibbled the giggling baby's cheeks then swooped down and wrapped an arm around Kira with a bright and cheerful, “ _Bonjour Kira!_ ”

" _Bonjour tante Delphine, comment allez-vous?_ "

" _Ohhh tres bien Kira, tu est intelligent!_  Your French is better than Cosima’s!"

Kira beamed gleefully then ran full tilt over to Cosima, crashing into her and latching onto her legs.

"Hi Auntie Cosima!"

Cosima grinned and nervously rubbed the back of her neck.  She had had dinner with Cal and Sarah many times during the maternity leave, but she and Delphine had almost always arrived after Kira’s bedtime so she had little familiarity with the adorable girl.  Kids below the age of ten had a strange effect on her - it wasn’t that she didn’t like them, it’s just that they made extremely nervous.

"Hi Kira, how are you?"

"Pick me up!"  The little girl demanded.  Cosima nervously looked at Sarah who nodded ok absently.  Cosima lifted the little girl up awkwardly with a toothy grin.

"Now take me outside!"

Cosima tried to dodge the little girl's request but Delphine and Sarah's collective laughter was enough to goad her outside.

"Ok, ummm, just for a little bit though, ok?"

The little girl squealed as Cosima lifted her onto her shoulders trotted her down the halls of the school.  The faint echoes of "run faster, pony!" reverberated to the classroom where Sarah perched herself on the edge of the desk, watching her friend delight in her six month old.  Helena was a grabber and insisted on tangling her sticky fists into Delphine’s hair in an attempt to get a hunk of it into her mouth.  Delphine giggled and blew raspberries on the infant’s cheeks, her mood higher than Sarah had ever seen.

"Didja miss having me around last term boss?"

Delphine nodded, still grinning like an idiot.

" _Oui_ , of course, there was no one to make fun of me during department meetings."

"And how have you been keeping yourself busy?"

Delphine blushed and looked away, muttering something about the fencing team, co-teaching, and tidying the apartment she shared with Cosima.  Sarah shook her head with a solid eye roll then pointed at the suitcase.

"Right, so what's that all about then?"

Delphine reached over and grabbed the envelope, handing it to Sarah who whistled low and long at the series of pricey plane tickets.

"Wow, a full US tour AND a Parisian fuck fest, you’re one lucky bitch.  I want detailed text messages throughout this ordeal, let me live vicariously through your newly charmed life now that mine is dominated by infant shit and a squalling toddler."

Delphine nodded absently, briefly gnawing her lower lip.

" _Oui_ , I guess, but she has said nothing about next year.  Where she will be, where we will stand.  I will have given a year to her and then..."

"GOD you are such a lesbian, a year is like nothing in the land of the straights.  I mean, shit, you already live together!  And, aren't her folks in San Fran?"

Delphine nodded.

"And she says she loves you?"

Another nod.

"So...you're probably going to meet the parentals, then she's taking you to Paris where she will inevitably meet yours, provided you two manage to come up for air..."

Delphine shrugged, still worrying her lip with her teeth.

"So...it seems like things are going your way."

Delphine shrugged with a world-weary sigh that made Sarah snort with laughter.

"I hope so...because I am not getting any younger...and..."

Delphine paused with a pointed look down at the infant in her arms who was happily gnawing on the neckline of her blouse.  Sarah snorted again.

“D, you’re like zero to sixty here.  You go from being practically celibate for like, what, seven years?  To suddenly wanting a cake topper and a fucking baby in less than a year?  I think you need to slow your roll there girl.”

Delphine laughed and shook her head.

“I was hardly celibate…”

“Fine, relationship celibacy if not muff diving celibacy…”

“You make it sound so…”

“Romantic?  Yes, clearly romance is my specialty these days.”

Helena squirmed awkwardly, a cue for Sarah’s arms to take over.  The German teacher grabbed her and unceremoniously began nursing, uncovered, she was never one to be shy and gave a total of zero fucks in most situations.

Delphine sighed and cracked her neck.

“I know I am being ridiculous, I know.  I cannot help it though.  I feel worse than one of the kids, but I just cannot imagine my life without her.”

A pebble struck the closed top of the classroom window, startling the two friends.  Delphine went to window and giggled at Kira perched on Cosima's shoulders, the pair whooped as Cosima yelled out, "good aim, monkey!"

Delphine shook her head and yelled something about encouraging delinquency at a young age and damaging school property as Cosima galloped through the quad with the screaming little girl on her shoulders.  Yes, everything was going her way, as far as she could tell.  She just hoped that it would continue as such.

********************

Cosima's voice rose in a panting crescendo as Delphine balanced above her, one hand planted against the high wooden headboard, supporting her taut body, the other somewhere much lower.

"Ooooh my god, ohhhh my god, fuck me Delphine!  Fuuuuuuuck!"

Delphine curled her fingers deep into her lover, the longest digits grazing her g-spot just the way Cosima liked it.  She dipped her blonde head into the other's neck, her tongue a slow, descending burn across shivering flesh.

" _Aimez-vous ca?  En veux-tu plus?_ "

Delphine growled into her ear as Cosima nodded eagerly, though her French was still terrible, she knew plus and had wailed it out on more than one occasion, much to Delphine’s smug satisfaction.  Delphine adjusted her arm and planted her palm into the mattress just to the right of Cosima’s face.  She bared her teeth and bit a hysterical nipple as her beloved’s hips rose impossibly high from the mattress.  The French woman took the opportunity to insert her pinky into the crowded space, rubbing her palm into Cosima's clit roughly.  Cosima cried out at the bite then whimpered.

"Oooooh baby, I want it allllll..."

Her voice was vulnerable and shaky and small; impossibly sexy and desperate. Delphine sat up, fingers twitching lightly, and regarded the brunette writhing beneath her, drenched in the sweat of exertion.

"All of it?"

Cosima nodded, sucking in a sharp breath as Delphine withdrew her hand and reached for her nightstand.  She took a moment to sip from her barely touched glass of champagne, her predatory gaze just over the rim of the crystal.  She then reaching into the drawer and brought out a small bottle of lube and began coating her fist as she settled back on her haunches between Cosima’s still shaking thighs.

"And when, _mon amour_ , do you want all of it?"

Cosima grinned, her composure returning as she caught her breath enough to spit out a cheeky retort.

"Now.  I want it all NOW."

Delphine smiled sweetly, leaning forward and teasing her lover’s lips with her own, careful not to drip from my her now clenched fist as a line of liquid snaked down her forearm.

“And what do you say?”

“Pleeeeeease…”

“Mmmmm, what was that,   _je ne comprends pas..._ ”

“Plea... _s’il te plait, madame..._ ”

Delphine sat up between Cosima’s legs and shook her head with a tsk tsk, her grin teasing and coy, the line of lube now at her elbow as she flexed her fist lightly.

“So shockingly informal!  This is no way to ask for something you want so badly, _ma cherie_.  And what did you call me?  Madame what?”

Cosima licked her lips and arched a brow, managing to sit up slightly before reaching out to grab her glasses from the nightstand.  Delphine would have crossed her arms playfully if one of them wasn’t occupied with maintaining a solid slick for future use.

“ _S’il VOUS plait Madame Cormier_ ,” she placed the glasses at the end of her nose and smiled, batting her eyelashes gleefully.  “Please fist me to the edge of reason until my cunt explodes."

Delphine grinned wickedly and palmed Cosima’s sternum with her dry hand. She loved fucking the other woman when she had her glasses on.  She began curling in each finger one at a time, her other hand massaging Cosima’s front until she relaxed enough for Delphine to begin rolling her fist in carefully, causing Cosima to shudder with a primal moan.  She took her time and remained sitting back, watching the smaller woman’s eyes slam shut and her chest rise and fall violently as her fist disappeared into her depths.  Once she was totally inside, Delphine leaned forward and brushed the tip of her tongue over Cosima’s engorged clit, making the brunette’s jaw drop as she lost control of her vocal cords.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”

Delphine winced at the volume, thrilled to be leaving the apartment tomorrow morning for their obscenely early flight to New York, lord knows she would be mortified if she had to face any of her neighbors after this.  Cosima’s voice rose and fell with no discernable pattern, her mind detached and somewhere on the ceiling as her body heaved and rolled.  Delphine felt the familiar muscular twitch around her fist as she rotated it gently, careful not to injure her girlfriend while also giving her the fullness that she had begged for.  Cosima came apart ungracefully and loudly.

“Nnnnngggg...AHHHH...MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRR!” She spat into the air and arched her back high, coming down with a crash, twisting Delphine’s wrist in the process.  Delphine grimaced and pulled her fist out slowly, her hand soaked.  She shook her wrist as Cosima grinned apologetically, pulling her in for a kiss, barely having caught her breath, a few tears streaking her cheeks.

“Ooooh my god you’re a fucking sex goddess Deeeeee...did I hurt you?”

Delphine shook her head and collapsed forward, taking in the generous kisses and caresses.

“ _Non_ , I will survive...” She heaved a fake sigh and snuggled into Cosima’s neck, wiping her hand in the sheets, it’s not like they would be sleeping in them for a few weeks anyway.  She still had to pack for their whirlwind trip, but first she needed sleep, and maybe a cigarette.  She reached over sloppily and grabbed her glass of champagne from the nightstand, slugging it back in one quick motion.  Cosima snickered and rolled over, her face in a pillow, blissed out to the max.

" _Je t'aime..._ " Delphine whispered and leaned over her giggling girlfriend, kissing the back of her neck, the crest of her shoulders.  Cosima muttered an endearment in return from the depths of the pillow, swinging her legs at the knees.  Delphine rose from the bed and went to the bathroom to wash her hands then to the kitchen for a refill.  Packing, while stressful for most people, actually gave her a great deal of pleasure, something about the organized nature of it all and the potential for accessories gave her little teacher heart a sick sense of satisfaction.  Returning to the bedroom with two full glasses and the remainder of a baguette tucked between her elbow and torso, she was surprised to find Cosima sitting up, grinning.

“Well, that was a quick recovery.”

She offered a glass to Cosima who took it happily, freeing Delphine’s fingers to tear the baguette in half.

“I’m just so damn excited…”

“Mmm?”

Delphine made a questioning noise as she sucked back half of her glass delicately.  Leave it to a French woman to make even abject and wanton drunkenness look sophisticated.  Cosima grinned, cross-legged and stark naked save for her glasses, and took a bite of her bread, scattering crumbs across the comforter.

“I’m so excited that you’re coming with me.  I wasn’t sure if you’d want to and I wasn’t sure if I could handle such a long time without you...cheesy, right?”

Delphine nuzzled Cosima’s neck, speaking without thinking.

“ _Oui, tres_ cheesy, but also adorable.  What ever shall we do when the fall semester starts?”

Cosima ran her fingers lightly through Delphine’s hair, pounding the remainder of her glass and reaching back to set it on the nightstand.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Will we?”  Delphine whispered, turning her head to kiss Cosima’s shoulder.

“Mmm hmm.  Just trust me, ok?”

Delphine closed her eyes, her body loose and warm.  Cosima took her glass from her and twinned it on the nightstand with her own, then wrapped her arms around her lover and pulled her down into the fluff of their rumpled, crumb-infested, sex stained sheets.  Her voice was a thick whisper, her fingers tangled in perfect blonde curls.

“Do you trust me?”

Delphine nodded against her shoulder, covering the nautilus tattoo there with kisses, her heart a mirror of the tight coil.

“ _Oui._ ”

“Do you love me?”

“More than I can even explain, _ma cherie_.”

Cosima grinned and kissed her forehead.

“Ok then, stop worrying.”

Delphine sighed and felt the last bit of tension escape her muscles, she ran her fingers over Cosima’s adorable body, tracing patterns and symbols that remained lost in translation to all but them.  

“ _D’accord.  Je t’aime_.”

Delphine felt herself drift off to sleep, vaguely aware of the need to pack.  She cursed herself silently as she tightened her grip on Cosima, she knew that the wee hours of the morning would be spent in a flurry of panic, that she would hardly be her best possible self and no amount of lorazepam would calm her as she would be forced to pack haphazardly AND get on an airplane.  But she didn’t care.  Cosima loved her, Cosima needed her, and she knew she didn’t have to be on point all of the time to make her stay.


	10. Unmoored Atoms

New York, Chicago, and Seattle were a blur of book signings, fancy dinners, and hot hotel sex.  Although Cosima insisted that Delphine needn't attend every reading and lecture, she was thrilled to have her beautiful girlfriend in every front row, flashing her an amazingly goofy thumbs up as Cosima stood behind a panoply of podiums, reading and smiling and working her crowds.  In Seattle a new poem appeared in the rotation that made Delphine’s breath catch in her throat as Cosima read, their eyes on each other as if no one else was present in the large university auditorium.

_Like God and Adam we have walked_

_untouching._

_Fingers trembling in their pocket-houses,_

_desperate to free our atoms from their moorings._

 

_Dancing on compass points_

_we skirt the cold crash of the autumnal ocean swell._

_Salt sweet, the air clings to what we dare expose –_

_the edges of your ankles,_

_the corners of your nose,_

_and when I kiss them later –_

_(“oh, sweet later…” you whisper.)_

_I know you’ll taste like cold._

__

_This is a variation on your theme –_

_a twisting, salted Charybdis,_

_a heady, swirling din –_

_and as the waves go washing out your depths do draw me in._

_Men have written rightly of woman as a battle,_

_But in their absence I can say that we have won –_

_For these are shores along which no man will ever call home._

They spent their evenings tangled in sheets they didn't have to wash themselves, delighted by each other's bodies and free to talk without the distractions of grading, lesson planning, and general domesticity.  Cosima talked about Southbourne, about her roommate Anna who had been her first, about learning her Latin by day and her body by night until Anna decided that she wasn't actually gay, leaving Cosima broken-hearted and couch surfing for a full semester.

Delphine told Cosima all about Jen, the sheer embarrassment of being called out for a deviance that felt fully encouraged but was not.  She talked about the meetings with the former headmaster, about sleepless nights wondering if she would be let go, worrying about what her parents would think.  Cosima teased her lovingly.

"So you were almost fired for trying to top a straight girl, wow Cormier, I'm impressed!  I mean, I know how fucking queer you are...but I always thought it was my insanely good looks and total midget status that inspired your turn to the topside."

Delphine smacked her arm and slid out of bed, hanging out the window of their hotel room in only a bra and tiny cotton shorts.  She lit a cigarette and watched her lover who had rolled onto her stomach, sliding her glasses up her face and kicking her feet behind her with a toothy grin in return.  She nodded solemnly, remembering the fleeting touches of her former colleague, how they had made every inch of her buzz with desire.  She thought of the torturous nights alone in her miserable basement, pretending her hands were Jen's hands, that her muffled cries were Jen's cries calling out her name instead of the other way around.  But now...now there was no need to pretend, everything she had ever wanted and hoped for was laid out before her, a veritable cornucopia for which she was infinitely thankful.

" _Oui._  This was before your aunt's time, my first year as chair.  I thought for sure she, Jen, was interested and I had been so lonely in America...it had been years, mon amour.  We were together all of the time and we went on trips together.  Neither of us dated anyone during that time, how was I supposed to have known, _vous savez?_ "

Delphine inhaled and exhaled deeply, a caricature of Gallic ennui, her face an exaggerated grimace.  Cosima giggled.

"Poor you..."

" _Oui, pauvre Delphine_ , lying in her sad dorm bed waiting so many years for a _petit chiot_ named Cosima to sweep her off her feet and steal her sad heart."

Cosima laughed and tore into a Snickers from the mini bar, not caring that it probably cost seven dollars and not bothering to finish chewing before speaking.

"So that's it then, you just waited around for me?"

Delphine snorted, shaking her wild blonde curls as she smothered her cigarette into the metal ladder that served as an emergency egress then stood in the middle of the room, stretching her back, very aware of her Cosima's eyes on her.  She stretched forward, touching her toes then stood up quickly to crack her shoulders with a low moan.  Her body was sore and she was certain it was about to become even more sore.

" _Non,_ I did not say that.  But there was no one special.  No one that lasted more than a night or two, maybe a week.  I have been told on many occasions that I am...euhmm…”

“Intimidating?  Overwhelming?”

“Mmm.  Both of those, and a few others as well.”

Cosima had to laugh at her girlfriend’s wink.  She loved this side of Delphine, powerfully sexual, totally dripping with dirty thoughts and words.  She knew that no one would suspect it of the uppity French teacher, that the world probably assumed she was practically monastic before they found each other, and this made her even hotter.  Cosima offered Delphine a bite of her candy bar and Delphine took it greedily, shearing off half of it with her teeth.

"Hey!  A bite, D!"

Delphine grinned and chewed, leaning in to jam her face into Cosima's neck, laughing.  Cosima wrapped her arms around the other woman and pulled her down, punctuating her thoughts with chocolate laced kisses.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

The family.  She was going to meet Cosima's parents and her brother Tony tomorrow, then her sister Alison and Alison’s husband Donny a few days thereafter.  She had seen most of them in passing on Skype but hadn't actually spoken to any them beyond initial pleasantries.  She knew she shouldn't be so worried, they were all adults after all, but the thought of their massive house, the easy opulence of the frighteningly wealthy, made her nervous despite her chosen career as a teacher at a well endowed New England boarding school where she regularly taught students who could trace their lineage to the original Massachusetts Bay Colonists.

" _Je ne sais pas_ , do you think I am ready?"

Cosima toyed with the blonde curls she adored so much.

"Oh my god yeah!  Shit D, you're like, more ready than me and it’s MY family!"

"You think so?"

"Delphine Cormier.  You're gorgeous, sophisticated, and wicked fucking smart.  You went to Yale AND you're French.  My mom is going to be using you as her personal Rosetta Stone.  She'll probably want to adopt you and kick my ass to the curb.”

Delphine grinned and kissed down Cosima's neck and across her shoulder.

" _D'accord_...but I am not a man."

Cosima wrapped her arms tightly around the curve of Delphine's hips, her fingers tracing the waistband of the French woman's itty bitty shorts with a smirk.

"Thank fucking God."

Delphine slid a thigh between Cosima's legs and pushed her back into the mattress, gyrating lightly against her, continuing the trail of kisses across her collarbones.

"So they are not disappointed?"

"What, that I'm gay?!?"

" _Oui._ "

"God no!  I mean, they have their hands full enough with Tony and there’s dipshit Donny so they’ve got plenty of sons.  Also, I think they're just psyched that my proclivities run to the feminine end of the spectrum.  My mother is not a fan of plaid, it clashes with her antique damask curtains."

Delphine’s parents tolerated her sexuality largely because she kept it at bay, in America, and rarely spoke about it.  She had spent so much of her adult life alone, and now?  She wondered if Cosima would be nervous to meet her parents.  If her parents would even acknowledge what they had together?  She was a woman in her late thirties and an only child, if they wanted even an iota of a shot at grandchildren it would be in their best interests to do more than just tolerate Delphine’s sexual orientation, especially now that she had found someone who was comfortable with herself and decidedly not in any sort of closet.  

She pressed tightly against the other woman, smiling broadly.  They would be in Cosima’s parent's house for four days and though she assured her there would be plenty of privacy, the French woman wasn't taking any chances on missing out on a second of their quality alone time.  Delphine pushed her hips downward and began kissing Cosima’s breasts, a soft moan escaping her lips as she sucked her left nipple into a hard nub.  Cosima squealed and tried to squirm away.

"Seriously?!  C’mon D., I'm fucking exhausted."

Delphine smiled, a flash of teeth against tanned skin.

" _Vous ne savez pas quoi que ce soit a propos de l'epuisement,_ Cosima."

Cosima's laugh rang into the night until the sound changed to something a bit more serious.  Delphine's lips traced down her anatomy until coming to rest between her thighs, smiling up.

"There will be no sleeping tonight."

Cosima gulped, owl eyes wide as she crossed her arms behind her head with a nervous smile.

"None?"

"None."

Cosima was about to say something snarky but Delphine's mouth making contact with her clit shut her up, her body responding with a full shiver and a low whine.

"Fuccccccccck me."

Delphine paused her tongue’s exploration of Cosima’s folds for the briefest moment, mumbling lowly against her.

"If you insist, _mon amour._ "

Delphine slid two fingers into her lover’s cunt, her tongue flicking viciously and relentlessly against her clit.  Cosima’s hips bucked away from her face as she groaned in pain.

“Nnnnggg...I don’t think I can come again D., for real…My clit’s like, wicked sore...”

Delphine stopped and lay soft kisses on Cosima’s quaking thighs, her fingers still knuckle deep.

“I can do something else...if you want…”

Cosima picked her head up slightly and followed Delphine’s flickering gaze to their suitcases on the floor where, beneath rumpled clothes and toiletries, a leather harness was hidden.  Cosima groaned with a melodramatic eye roll and slammed her head back into the mattress, throwing her arms back in mock defeat.

“Ohhh my god, for real, how are you still fucking functioning?!”

Delphine was already off the bed, the lack of a "no" enough to spur her forward.  She was a woman on a mission and that mission involved a great deal of coitus.  Cosima flipped over and shoved her face in a pillow, giggling and mumbling.

“You’re just trying to kill me so you don’t have to meet my parents.”

“Non, _ma cherie_ , I just cannot get enough of you, especially when you read poetry to me."

The sound of the leather straps being tightened and the soft grunts from Delphine’s efforts made Cosima turn back over and sit up.

“Need help?”

Delphine stubbornly shook her head, long fingers fast at work.  Cosima loved watching her do this, the soft femininity of Delphine’s body incongruously juxtaposed with the firm silicone was enough to put her back in the game.  She lay back in the fluffy warmth of the hotel comforter and lazily swirled her own fingers around her sore sex, willing herself to take just a little bit more.  Delphine’s eyes shot to her as she tightened the last strap, her hands going to her hips.

"Cosima!  You cannot claim to be done and then…”

Cosima grinned as the blonde struggled to find the right words, her eyes traveling south.  Cosima rubbed a bit harder, arching her back up, giving Delphine a better view of her handiwork, her lips parted slightly with desire.

“Better get over here then…”

Delphine leaned over the bed and kissed Cosima hard on the lips, mashing their faces together awkwardly.  Cosima groaned and grabbed her hips, pulling down so that the cock was jammed between her thighs.

"What do you say...when..."

Cosima grinned with her tongue between her teeth, eyes flickering down to the leather straps tight across her pelvis.  Delphine laughed into Cosima's neck, whispering.

"You only want to learn French if it is dirty."

Cosima reached a hand between them and curled her fingers around the cold silicone, pushing back slightly, the pressure of the base sending a jolt up Delphine's spine and a gasp out of her mouth.

"Do you blame me?"

"I believe the term you are seeking is _baise-moi..._ "

"Mmmm yeah, that's it, baise-moi you fucking sex bomb, baise-moi hard."

She growled out the last word as Delphine laughed and helped position the cock at Cosima's entrance.  The French woman licked her lips like she always did when she watched it disappear into the depths of her beloved and she moaned into a deep kiss, rocking her hips gently.

"Is this ok?"

"Mmmm, better than ok."

Delphine picked up the pace, spurred on by nimble fingers digging into the flesh of her hips, her ass.  Soon they were both breathing loudly, their motions erratic, all pounding hips and wild limbs and clashing teeth.

"Tell me how much you love this," Delphine panted, her torso lifted up by willowy arms and firmly planted palms.  Cosima's head was thrown back and her eyes were shut tight.  Her fists were balled in the sheets and she was trying her hardest to not just fall apart, trying to hold out as long as possible.

"I love it, I love it so so much."

"Oh?"  Delphine slowed down and smiled deviously as Cosima's eyes fluttered open in confusion.

"You can do better than that..."

Cosima returned the wicked smile, arching her hips up, her voice a growl, her eyes locked on Delphine's.

"I love it when you fuck me with your cock."

"Yes?"

"Mmm yes, I love the way you feel inside of me, and the way your hips grind against me..."

Delphine sped up, resting her forehead against Cosima's with a sharp breath.

" _Bien._  Tell me more."

Cosima shuddered as Delphine picked up a pace even faster than the initial one, finding it difficult to make words.

"Oh god, I love when you fill me.  I love it when you pound me and make me scream your name."

The tall blonde's eyes screwed shut, the base of the toy rubbing deliciously into her clit as she went even faster, Cosima's words echoing through her skull.  An all too familiar whine escaped her lips as she crested steadily towards her own orgasm, praying that Cosima joined her soon before her body gave out.

"More, say more..."

Cosima cried out from a particularly hard thrust, her voice a strangled wail as her arms flew up to grip the headboard above her.

"I love how hard you work for me, how much you want me to come....aaaaand love it when you come with me...ooooh God...Delphine...ohmygodiloveyoufuccck..."

Cosima's back arched up and her arms were a vice grip around Delphine's shoulder as she rode the wave of her orgasm, amazed and thrilled.  Delphine pounded Cosima as hard as possible until her own orgasm crashed into her a minute later, their bodies a sliding, violent fury, each woman's voice muffled by the hard kiss they shared until they were left in a shaking pile.  They panted heavily against each other as a breeze came through the window, cooling their sweat drenched bodies.  Delphine kissed the salty skin of her beloved, grinning.

"I love listening to you."

Cosima raked her fingers up Delphine's spine, squirming uncomfortably until Delphine slid the toy out then slid herself out of the leather straps, letting it drop to the floor without ceremony.

"Mmmm, I love giving you something to listen to.  That said, I am done, spent, finito, caput.  Can we maybe just sleep a tiiiiiiny bit?"

Delphine nodded, also spent, her eyes bigger than her libido as she pulled a sheet over the two of them and set an alarm.

" _Oui_ , a little bit _mon amour_."

"ThankyouohmygodIloveyousweetfancymosesfuckyasssssss..."

Cosima buried her head in the crook of Delphine's neck and was out cold in a matter of minutes, snoring lightly and making tiny happy noises as she squirmed deeper into Delphine's grip.  The blonde lay awake for a while longer, watching the woman in her arms sleep, grinning like a fool.

 

********************************

Upon exiting the plane Delphine rushed for the bathroom.  She desperately had to pee, but more importantly, she had to freshen up her hair and makeup after what had been a brutal four hours stuck at SEATAC and another two hours in a metal tube 30,000 feet above the ground.  Cosima trotted behind her, panting dramatically, her arms fluttering and full of the spilled contents of her bag that she was unable to reassemble since Delphine had rocketed wildly off the plane the second the door was opened.

"Deeeeeee!  God slow down, don't be such a girl!"

Delphine turned on a sandal shod heel, black skinny jeans tight across her ass, her hands on the hips that just a few hours ago had been crashing into Cosima's own.  Cosima stopped dead, blinking with surprise at Delphine’s pursed lips and raised brow.

"But I thought that was precisely why you liked me."

Another tattooed woman bumped passed Cosima and muttered "sick burn" as Delphine turned and stalked away.  She wasn't about to look like a bedraggled, travel-haggard fool in front of Cosima's family.  Cosima whined pathetically and ran after the striding blonde as she tore through the airport like a Valkyrie.  There were two things Delphine hated most in this world - being late and being sweaty - and after their delayed flight she was both.  If there was a third thing on the most hated list it would be flying, so all in all she was a blazing hot mess.  Cosima finally caught up with her in the bathroom, practically wheezing.

"Jesus, Delphine!"

Delphine was rubbing some sort of wax into her curls, her make up bag strewn across the counter, Cosima noticed that her hands were shaking.

"You're really nervous huh?"

Delphine sighed, applying lipstick then pursing her lips with mild disapproval.

" _Non,_ just hot."

"Yeeeeeah you are!"

"Cosima I swear..." Delphine growled as Cosima danced backwards, avoiding a less than playful smack.  She banged into a suit clad business traveller who muttered an obscenity as she tried to apologize.  Delphine rolled her eyes and began assessing her eye liner options carefully.  Cosima took this as her cue to wait outside until Delphine was done with her girl ministrations.  Tony had texted her a few times and she read each message with a punctuated snap of laughter, her brother could be such a douche, but at least he was a funny douche. Delphine emerged 10 minutes later, a bit calmer and with better eye makeup, but still on edge as they made their way to the exit.

As the brunette trotted off to retrieve their bags, Delphine looked around nervously for the short, fashionable couple and scruffy, bearded man that she had seen in the many family photos that Cosima had strewn about her apartment.  She frowned and chewed her lower lip nervously, a habit that drove Cosima wild, until her eyes fell on a portly gentleman wearing a black suit and holding a small white board with NIEHAUS written across it.  She turned and nearly smacked into her girlfriend who wrapped her arms around the graceful waist of her lover.

"Oh!  There's the driver.  You ready?"

Delphine must have looked confused because Cosima giggled and stood on her tiptoes, kissing Delphine's cheek.

"Oh my god you're adorable.  Did you think one of my family members was actually going to pick us up?  Please!  I do not rank high enough to warrant that level of inconvenience...my brother informs me that he is a bottle of rum deep and waiting by the pool and that my mother is one martini shy of being a total lunatic.  We will maybe see my father at dinner...provided he doesn't golf himself to death."

Delphine shook her head, her mind flooded with the image of her own parents throwing their arms around her at the arrivals gate.  They looked so much older, so much smaller with each visit.  It was her favorite part of each trip, seeing them erupt with joy as she breezed into their wide open arms.  Would it be the same with Cosima in tow?  She thought for a moment that she might cry, she missed her family so much and the flippancy with which the Niehauses approached the infrequent visits of their daughter felt like a blatant sacrilege.  She then remembered the tickets, the chance for Cosima to see more of her world, and she nodded with a crooked smile.

" _D'accord_...I am ready."

Cosima squeezed her hand and dragged her in the direction of the man in the black suit who expertly shouldered their bags and led them to a stately black town car just outside the door.  Delphine’s game face twitched nervously.  Car services were for her students and for the Southbourne donors, not for her.  But they were also for Cosima and she was for Cosima, so she politely waited for the driver to open the door for her before sliding across the soft leather.  Cosima bounced in behind her and laughed as she picked up an ice bucket from the grand center console.  There was a bottle of champagne in it with two plastic glasses and a card.  Cosima opened it and read it out loud -

**Geek Monkey -**

**You've got some catching up to do.  See you at the funny farm!**

**Besos,**

**T**

Delphine accepted the glass Cosima offered her as the smooth vehicle rolled out of the airport - though she wasn’t used to this kind of service, she could probably get used to it.  It would be like a fundraiser that she wasn't expected to be constantly on guard during, even if she had every intention of being totally on guard with the entire Niehaus clan, at least initially.

“Geek monkey?”

Cosima smirked and rolled her eyes.

“Tony is such a dick.  When I was really little I wanted to be a scientist so I wandered around the house in a lab coat doing "experiments."  Being my older brother, he thought that it was his duty to give me as much shit as humanly possible.  Geek Monkey is one of his many charming nicknames for yours truly.”

“How sweet.”

Delphine sipped her champagne, the bubbles tickling her throat.  She made a mental note to only have one, since she had been too busy losing her marbles with worry on the airplane to have even eaten the free pretzels.  Cosima had fallen asleep instantly, leaving her poor girlfriend to stew and panic about early death, parental hatred, and sibling torment.  During one particularly turbulent moment, Delphine had dug her nails into Cosima’s arm, causing the brunette woman to snort and turn away with a muttered curse.  Delphine would have murdered her right there if she weren’t so busy white knuckling the armrests to either side of her otherwise lovely first class seat.  

With a wide grin and a serious sense of relief, she looked out the car window at the new expanses of America rolling past her.  Cosima pointed out distant towns and cities, laughing as Delphine called out when she saw her first recognizable landmark, the Golden Gate Bridge.

“So, we’re almost there then.”

Delphine leaned over and kissed her girlfriend tenderly, feeling the warmth of Cosima radiate through her lips, her face, her neck.  Her words were just above a whisper as she rested her forehead against the smaller woman's.

"Thank you, _mon amour_ , for all of this, for introducing me to your family, for letting me into your world."

Cosima grinned, rubbing their noses together.

"Totally, you are my world now.  They’re going to love you as much as I do, though probably in less pervy ways…”

Cosima's tongue poked out between her teeth with a wicked grin before she leaned in to kiss Delphine deeper.  Their collective breath hitched as two pairs of hands wandered lazily over the clothed body of the other.  They quickly lost track of time as they teased at each other's hip bones, the hems of shirts.  Cosima snaked a finger across the front hem of Delphine's pants, making the blonde tangle her hands deeper into her lover's dreads.  Delphine groaned softly, thankful for the tinted partition that separated them from the driver.

" _Je t'aime, tellement beaucoup._ "

"Oh my god you are so fucking beautiful, everything you say makes me so -"

The car came to what felt like an an abrupt stop, causing Cosima to bump into the ice bucket with a yelp.

"Owww!  What the fu- oh shit, we're here!"

Delphine looked out the window and was surprised by the juxtaposition of urban sprawl and old world elegance.  A series of shiny, modern buildings with upscale retail on the ground floor opened up around an enormous brown, stone house sitting incongruously on a lushly landscaped corner lot.  A small blue placard declared it a national historical site.  Delphine gasped, it was absolutely stunning.

" _Non_ , that is not..."

Cosima nodded with an eye roll.

"Yup, casa Niehaus, or Breakwater West, as my mother likes to call it..."

"It is...it is... _tres grande!_  It looks like a hotel!"

Cosima laughed and leaned into Delphine's ear, whispering.

"And we can treat all of the rooms just like we have treated our hotel rooms.  It'll be tough to cover them all without getting caught, but we've got four days..."

Delphine shook her head and playfully smacked Cosima's thigh.

"Enough."

The door opened and the two women stepped out to the excited "hiiiiiiiiiii" of an alarmingly small blonde woman who was a bit too old to be so blonde.  She was draped in a caftan and smoking a cigarette in a slender black holder as she flounced down the stairs like an aged film star.

"Ooooooo girls I am so excited you’re finally here!"  She made straight for Delphine and extended her free hand, "you must be Delphine, oh my god you ARE stunning. I'm Carol, enchantee and bienvenue a la Breakwater West!"

Delphine had to smile, Cosima's mother spoke rapidly, barely coming up for air, an older, more absurdly done up version of her daughter.  Delphine took the older woman's hand and was instantly pulled into a tight hug.  She gasped out an "allo" before being released.  Cosima put her hands up defensively.

"Yes, hi mom, just got out of the car, give me a hot sec ok?"

"Oh Cosima, stop!  It's been moooooonths since I last saw you!  Don’t be such a bitch sweetheart."

Cosima was pulled into a tight hug, cigarette ash blowing in the faint bay breeze.  Cosima laughed and returned the hug with an eye roll.  Delphine watched as the driver disappeared into the house with their bags.  She shoved her hands in her pockets and slouched forward a bit, aware of her height when suddenly surrounded by the tiny Niehaus women.  She was glad she wore flats.

"Ok, so," Carol paused to light another cigarette, "you girls must be exhausted after that flight and that ridiiiiiiculous delay.  I don’t understand what happened at SEATAC.  Ugh, I hope you at least got massages or mani pedis.  Did they bump you into better seats?  No wait, you were already flying first anyway, so whatever, better drinks at least? Anyway, you should get settled and rest a bit.  I've put you in the east wing, in the blue room that overlooks the pool.”

Cosima snorted.

"What's wrong with my room?"

Her mother laughed, inhaling deep.

"Oh Cosima, I don't think Delphine wants to be crammed up in the attic in your weirdo lair...the blue room is beautiful and it has the bal -"

Delphine caught Cosima's look of exasperation and bravely interrupted.

"Oh!   _Non, non,_ I would love to stay in Cosima's room, I want to know all about her..."

She flashed her most charming smile and trailed off as Carol shrugged, tapping her cigarette on the ornate wrought iron railing and waving her free hand.

"Ok ok, whatever blows up your skirt!  I'll have Parker move your bags.  God your voice is so beautiful!  I love your accent, what part of France are you from? I went to France last year..."

Carol looped her arm through Delphine's and dragged her through the massive carved doors, leaving Cosima behind and pointing out historical details in an unceasing stream of words and questions that Delphine wasn’t able to answer quickly enough.  Delphine was thankful she had visited the bathroom at the airport as she was swept up in the flurry of Carol Niehaus.

"So Robert will be home around 7, he's golllllfing.  After you rest up you girls should hang out by the pool with Tony, did you bring a bathing suit?"

Carol kept talking as she pulled Delphine out to the lanai to admire the massive pool with its slate walls and landscaped fountains.  It looked like the rainforest, or at least the approximate fantasy of a rainforest as imagined by the insanely wealthy.  Delphine tried to answer Carol's barrage of questions but she jumped in again as a raggedly bearded man in black swim trunks, a neon orange tank top,  and mirrored wayfarers sat up from one of the cushioned deck loungers.  If Delphine didn’t already know that he was a few years older she would have sworn that he was Cosima’s twin, the resemblance was mildly unsettling.  She had seen pictures of Alison and the same was true for the oldest Niehaus as well.

"Oh and here's Tony.  Tony, this is Delphine...she's fr -"

Tony flashed the same vulpine grin that his sister wore almost constantly and lowered his glasses to the end of his nose, looking Delphine up and down with predatory glee.   Delphine felt like she was on an examination table as she returned his smile awkwardly and extended her hand in greeting as Tony unfolded himself from the chair and stood.

"Yeah mom, I am aware that she is French, you’ve only been talking about it for months, thank you. Hello Delphine, it’s nice to meet you."

Delphine smiled and was about to return the hello when Cosima's voice called from above her head.

"Geronimmmmmmmmmo!"

Carol and Tony instinctively stepped back and shielded their faces, forgetting to warn their guest.  Delphine screamed in surprise as she was soaked by Cosima’s expertly executed cannonball from the second floor balcony.  Her shirt clung to her body and Tony shook his head with a guttural laugh.

"Ugh, fucking geek monkey.  I have NO idea what you see in my sister."

Delphine stood in shock for a moment, watching the blurry spot that was Cosima surface next to the splashing faux waterfall.  Cosima spotted her and laughed hysterically, a tiny hyena unable to process words, clutching her sides.  Delphine canted her head, not daring to look at either Carol or Tony.  A few months ago, had this happened, Delphine would have stalked away and locked herself in her room to search for the earliest return flight to Boston.  A few months ago she would have silently squalled and buried herself deeper into the rage that had propelled her for so long.  

Instead, she stared at Cosima with her best boss bitch face until her tiny lover's smile began to fade, a filament of tension crackling through the air. Then, without warning, she kicked off her sandals and dove into the pool head first, clothes and all, propelled like a shark beneath the water, her quarry a shocked sitting duck.  Cosima screamed and began swimming away frantically as Delphine surfaced and lunged for her in a frenzy of laughter and foreign curses.

Tony shook his head and motioned for a cigarette from his mother whose mouth was agape and who had managed to acquire a martini from seemingly nowhere.

"Well, now I get it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is untitled and an original.
> 
> At the urging of fangirllikewoah I am considering going back and adding a few chapters of courtship and am open to ideas / suggestions because shit is going to hit the fan for these two in a couple of chapters (at least for a tiny bit).


	11. Forever is a Promise

Wrapped in a towel and stripped of her wet clothes, Delphine shook her damp curls at Cosima who squealed and jumped back.

"Nooooo, bad puppy!"

Delphine stuck her tongue out and perched on the end of Cosima's childhood bed, looking up at the swirling DNA patterns painted above.  Cosima's room was exactly what Delphine imagined - an oasis of weirdness in a desert of antiques.  Her walls were covered with posters for 80s new wave bands, feminist icons, and obscure films that Delphine had never seen.  Her bedspread was patterned with scenes from something called Star Wars (Cosima professed their inability to date further until Delphine rectified her ignorance), and her book cases were brimming with volumes of poetry and pop science texts.  Cosima, still in her black bikini, pushed Delphine back and jumped on her, straddling the blonde with a grin.

"Two hours ‘til dinner..."

Delphine blushed, nervous about being in Cosima's family home, even though Cosima had reassured her that no one would care and no one could hear them way up in the air conditioned attic turret.

"Cosima...I...."

Delphine's words came to a screeching halt as Cosima unceremoniously untied the top of her bathing suit, slid it off, and flicked it to the ground with a damp FWAP and a raised eyebrow.  Her breasts were adorable, perky and tight like the rest of her body, hard at the nipples from the sudden cold.  She canted her head sweetly and let a mischievous grin slowly spread across her face, her fingers resting at the edge of the towel between them.  Delphine's eyes widened and her grip on Cosima’s hips tightened as she spoke with feigned innocence.

"You what?"

Delphine grinned and pushed up, wrapping her arms around the other woman's waist and standing quickly so as not to take them both out by toppling headlong to the hardwood floor.  

"I want to take a shower."

Cosima's leaned in for a kiss, pressing her breasts against Delphine's, the towel between them slipping down to the floor.  Her quick hands found the other woman's nipples and rolled them carefully before palming the sweet weight.  Delphine gasped into the kiss and backed them into the small adjacent bathroom with purposeful strides.  Cosima grinned lasciviously, practically pornographic, as Delphine placed her on the counter, turned the shower on, then dropped to her knees in front of the brunette's thighs.

"Come forward, _s'il vous plait_."

Cosima did as she was told, lifting her hips and ass up to let the taller woman get access to her bathing suit bottom which was made short work of and discarded quickly.  Without warning, ceremony, or prelude, Delphine spread the legs before her and jammed her eager face into Cosima's cunt, burying her tongue as deep as possible, her mind going to a very dark place. Cosima yelped and pulled Delphine's hair in surprise.

"Jesus, Deeee!"

Delphine then stood up abruptly, boss bitch face back in full force, her eyebrow a sharp checkpoint.  Cosima squirmed with glee, she was gonna get it and she could barely contain herself.  She schooled her face into submission and regret as much as possible as Delphine put her toned arms to either side of her face, her hands flat on the fogging mirror behind them.

"I think you owe me an apology, _mademoiselle_ , for making me wet in front of your family."

Cosima snorted at the double entendre and was about speak when Delphine grabbed her face roughly in one hand, pulling it close to her own until Cosima could feel her breath, see her flash of white teeth and warm tongue.  Her words, however, were not warm.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Cosima's voice shook with desire as she averted her eyes.

"N-n-no Madame.  I was just..."

Delphine squeezed her cheeks a bit harder, blunt nails digging small half moons into the side of her lover's face.  Cosima groaned.

"So, what do you say, Cosima?"

"I'm sorry."

"And what are you sorry for?"

"For...making you wet in front of my family."

Cosima's eyes danced with giddy joy despite her attempts at looking sorry, she loved when the French woman dominated her but there were parts of herself she could never quell no matter how hard a flogging she was threatened with or promised.  Delphine stepped back and raked her hands through her damp hair then palmed her hips angry teacher style. Cosima took the brief respite to drink up the sight of the tall, angular woman as she arched her back ever so slightly and cracked her neck.  Delphine's lips curled into a cruel smile as she barked an order at her girlfriend.

"Get down.  Now.”

Cosima did as she was told, slapping the soles of her feet against the damp floor, still avoiding eye contact.  Delphine drew closer again, growling.

"Get in the shower."

"Yes Madame.."

Cosima scurried into the shower and was rewarded with a sharp slap across her ass as she passed the blonde.  She released a harsh breath as Delphine stepped in and closed the glass door.  Pleased that she could see the entire shower and their naked bodies from the mirror on the opposing wall, Delphine grabbed Cosima's shoulders and spun her into the glass wall, pressing her front into the hard surface with her own body.  Cosima gasped and pushed her hips back into Delphine's who slapped her harder, making her whimper from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Who said you could move?"

"No one!"

Cosima breathed into the glass, watching Delphine's wicked grin in the reflection of the mirror, their bodies pressed tightly together and even more tightly against wall.

"Then why did you move?"

"I'm sorry..."

Another slap, another muffled groan as Cosima tried to bite back her wail.  Delphine leaned forward and sucked hard on Cosima's shoulder, marking her, then she moaned, deep and sexy and raw, into her ear.

"That's not the answer to my question.  Why did you move?"

Cosima whined, touching her forehead to the glass and whispering.

"I wanted to feel you..."

Delphine traced her tongue teasingly across the Cosima’s shoulders.

"Feel me what?"

Delphine slid two fingers deep into Cosima's cunt from behind, making the brunette’s knees buckle, interrupting her answer.  The blonde wrapped her arm around her lover's waist and pulled her closer, pumping her fingers hard and biting Cosima's earlobe.

"Next time you will ask before you move."

"Yesssss."

Cosima hissed and threw her head back.  Delphine steadied her body over Cosima with a palm and pushed back, jammed a third finger into Cosima's tightening sex, eliciting a low groan from her beloved.

"Ooooooh my god, Del-Madame.  Fucccccck."

Delphine stood back with a satisfied grin and slid her free hand to her own slick wetness and began rubbing her clit rapidly, snapping at Cosima whose teeth were grit and whose eyes were closed tight against the wet slaps of Delphine’s fingers driving her to the edge of her sanity.

"Open your eyes and look, _maintenant!_ "

Cosima looked into the mirror through the fog, watching the tall blonde rail her from behind while pleasuring herself with wild abandon, eyes locked in the reflection.  Cosima could not fathom how Delphine managed to exercise the level of control she always did, how she managed to be knuckle deep in her AND rubbing herself like a mad woman AND still holding her composure enough to flash a smile, a wink.  It was so much, it was too much.  Cosima wailed as her whole body shuddered from the sensory overload, the tight throb in her gut uncoiling into an explosive and sudden orgasm.  Sensing the approaching end and not wanting it to be so, Delphine deftly flipped her beloved’s body around and grabbed her knee, throwing it over her own shoulder and dropping in a genuflect, her tongue searing across Cosima's cunt, urging her to an immediate second climax.  

Tears streaked down Cosima's face as Delphine's hands gripped her ass as hard as possible, jamming her into her mouth roughly.  Cosima shook her head and tried unsuccessfully to speak or make a sound, she couldn't again, not so fast, not this fast.  Her brain exploded; a thousand dead and dying neurons making a series of supernovas behind her tightly closed eyes.  She once read some erotica in which the receiving party had passed out with the obscene pleasure of being fucked nine ways to Sunday.  At the time she had laughed and rolled her eyes at the ridiculous image, but now, well, she was pretty sure that she was about five seconds from hitting the floor.  There was no way she could come again, especially not so soon, especially not with such a hard ache after nearly 48 hours of getting turned inside out, but then...

"Oh oh ohhhh nnnnnngggggggggggg...ahh..fuuuuuuccccccccckkkkk!!!"

Cosima cried out so loudly that Delphine was certain that her family heard.  Half the state of California probably heard as Cosima shuddered and wailed and raked her hands into Delphine's tightly curled wet hair.  She collapsed forward, her hands on Delphine's shoulders as she swore and shivered and cried, a fragile husk of herself, all energy sucked completely from her pleasure wracked frame. Delphine stood and wrapped the smaller woman in a tight embrace as Cosima sobbed against her slick chest, overwhelmed and undone, a litany of sacrosanct prayer falling from her swollen lips.

"Oh my fucking god oh my fucking god oh my godddddddd..."

"Shhhh, I have you, I have you..."

Delphine peppered Cosima's neck with soft, soothing kisses, reaching around her for the soap and lathering up the exhausted woman who leaned on her, mumbling incoherently without pattern or sense.

"Oh my god D, I...I...jesus fucking christ I...I...godddddddddd..."

"Shhh, be still _ma cherie_ , be still.   _Tu es tres belle, tu es a moi..._ "

Cosima relaxed and let Delphine wash her, her knees still shaking.  She rubbed her slick cheek against Delphine's, tasting the salt from her own ravaged skin on the skin of the taller woman.  She pushed her lips to Delphine's ear, relishing the sweet touches after the sudden and delicious violence.  After a few minutes she managed to speak, the words a quick rush.

"Stay with me forever?"

Delphine paused her soothing stream of French adoration and looked down into the deep brown eyes of the perfect little person who had abruptly turned her entire world upside down.  Her voice was barely a whisper, she was suddenly vulnerable, deliciously so, as the water beat down around them.  It was always startling how Cosima managed to flip the power structures in the most clever and unexpected ways.

"Forever?"

Cosima nodded, nuzzling her face into her bare chest.

"Please...I want to spend forever with you."

Delphine wrapped her arms tightly around her grinning girl, her own eyes blurry with tears, her voice a squeak.

" _Vraiment?_  Really?"

Cosima nodded and kissed Delphine's chest, her arms tight around her neck.

"Really.  I have never been more sure about anything in my life.  Please..."

Delphine nodded and pulled her lips into a hard kiss.  The water was turning cold but neither of them cared as they slipped and slid against each other in a desperate hunt for friction.  They exploded with weakened desire and tried to paw their way into something serious, unable to settle into a rhythm as they moaned into each other's mouths.  Delphine broke away, trailing kisses behind Cosima's ear and whispering, "Do you mean, married forever?"

As the words escaped her lips she shivered and was gripped by a sudden panic.  Cosima had said forever, but she hadn't said marriage.  They also hadn't discussed the sabbatical, or where they would live together, or the type of life they wanted.  Would Cosima want her to leave Southbourne for Stanford?  Would she follow Delphine to France if she ever wanted to return?  Her mind spun wildly as she silenced her own thoughts by devouring Cosima's lips before she could answer.  The brunette woman moaned, pushing her tongue between Delphine's teeth and cupping her breasts clumsily, still mostly shot from the sex explosion that had sent her senses catapulting out into the deep cosmos.

"Ohhh D...yesssss..."

Delphine moaned and deepened the kiss, her hands buried in her lover's damp dreads.  She didn't know if the yes was to her question or because Cosima was aroused, nor did she really care.  Cosima wanted to spend forever with her, that's all that mattered.  They could figure out what that meant later.  Cosima pushed away slightly, blinking up into her beloved's face, her expression suddenly serious.

"But before we go there, talk about the marriage thing, you need to know some stuff."

Delphine nodded, wracking her brain for what could be so bad that Cosima had become so serious.

" _D'accord..._ "

Cosima sighed and stepped back from the now freezing water, pulling Delphine to her.

"Let's survive dinner first, then we can go for a drive tonight ok?"

The seriousness of her face quickly melted away into a bright smile as she reached outside the door and grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping them tightly together in the soft cotton.

"I'll take you over the Bay Bridge, it's freakin' rad at night."

Delphine leaned forward, kissing Cosima's forehead.

"Oui, I would love that.  But Cosima, whatever it is...I..."

She was about to say she could handle it, she could handle anything as long as they were together, but Cosima touched her lips with her fingers.

"Just wait, please..."

Delphine nodded, drawing the nimble fingers into her mouth.

" _D'accord.  Je t'aime,_ Cosima."

Cosima grinned up into Delphine's face, her heart a gooey mass of mush.

"I love you too, Delphine."

********************

Dinner time approached rapidly.  Delphine insisted on dressing nicely - a loose fitting grey top over cropped black pants with matching accessories and wedges.  She straightened her hair and applied smokey eye make up, a defense against her own nervousness.  Cosima flitted around her in the bathroom in a Berkeley tank top and wildly patterned harem pants, braless and bouncing.  Delphine could have been going to a trendy downtown restaurant to meet her colleagues while Cosima looked like she had just rolled out of bed and was heading out to pick up drugs, bagels, or both.

"D, seriously..."

Delphine shook her head and shushed her with a pointed index finger, harsh with crimson nails.  Cosima rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Fine, I'm heading down, can you find your own way?"

Delphine paused for a millisecond and blindly swatted at Cosima.

"Oh, _je ne sais pas!_  While I am only a simple teacher with a terrible sense of direction I imagine I can use my limited powers of reason to find my way...or I can just cry until you come to find me."

Cosima snorted and walked out as the blonde turned back to her beauty rituals - she loved when Delphine got sassy.  Sarcasm was something she sometimes misunderstood, so it was always hilarious when she wielded it with charming accuracy.  Cosima made her way down the stairs, through the center atrium and onto the porch where her brother and her mother were having cocktails and cigarettes.  She lit up and leaned against the door frame, looking out over the perfectly trimmed backyard. Taking a long drag, she exhaled then interrupted her family with urgency in her voice.

"Can we agree to something right now?"

Tony smirked and her mother sat forward, looking alarmed and largely clueless.

"What is it Cosima?"

"Yeah geek monkey, spill it."

Cosima nervously palmed her neck and sighed.

"Delphine doesn't know..."

Her mother furrowed her brow while her brother rolled his eyes, immediately catching on.  Cosima turned to see if Delphine had come downstairs yet, then she lowered her voice.

"About Fee.  I never said...can we just agree to hold off on the subject until I do, ple -"

Tony shook his head in warning then grinned brightly behind Cosima's back as footsteps announced the approach of the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her god given days with.

"You're just in time for margaritas - they're not French but they're fucking delish!"

Tony stood and poured a glass for Delphine who stood awkwardly in the door with Cosima who tried her best not to look guilty or insane.  An awkward silence descended upon the usually loquacious family and Delphine laughed nervously.

" _Merci,_ Tony.  Please, do not stop your conversation on my account..."

Carol snapped out of it with a broad grin, always ready to fill a silence.

"Oh, well, we can't talk about you if you're here so we'll have to move on to something else!"

She then winked and launched into a tirade about the gardener as Cosima prayed a silent thank you that she came from a long line of charming charlatans.  She grabbed Delphine's hand and dragged her into the porch, depositing her onto a cushioned swing then plopping down ridiculously close to her, nuzzling her neck.  Delphine blushed and shouldered her away lightly, nodding at what felt like appropriate times in Carol's long, labyrinthine story about failed peonies.  

Tony and Cosima interjected frequently and enthusiastically, but Delphine largely remained silent as words volleyed around her at breakneck speed.  She couldn't help but think of Eileen, her first serious girlfriend, a French literature major at Yale who felt suddenly overwhelmed when she met Delphine's family at graduation.  Sure Delphine spoke English and spoke it well, as well as Eileen had spoken French, but this - the fluid, rapid, and euphemism laden speech of the Niehaus children and their mother - was more than she could follow.  She opted instead to brush her fingers against Cosima's arm whenever possible, so insanely in love that she couldn't go more than two seconds without touching the other woman.  Cosima grinned with every touch and leaned over to steal the occasional kiss.  Delphine's heart was full to bursting.

With the arrival of Robert Niehaus and the announcement of dinner, Delphine was able to step forward a bit.  Cosima's father was kind, spoke far more slowly than the rest of his family, asked pointed questions, and was an excellent listener.  When Delphine boldly commented on this last trait, he laughed and responded, "I'm good at reading people, also, it's hard to get a word in edgewise around here, so you get pretty good at listening, or at least faking it."  Delphine laughed in agreement.  She had expected the stuffy trappings of New England wealth, had expected the Niehauses to be more like Rachel and Ferdinand, but instead Cosima's family was quirky, loud, and fun.  She felt herself drinking a bit more wine than she normally would, laughing a bit louder, and taking liberties with Cosima's foot under the table.

Cosima winked from her seat across from Delphine as she felt the blonde's toes brush against her calf.  It made her think of their first date, how beautiful the other woman was, and how lucky she was.  10 months.  It had only been 10 months since they came together, but now she couldn't imagine them apart.  How would Delphine react to what she would tell her later?  In a way it was not as bad as it sounded, but she had waited so long to say anything that now it felt worse than it had to be.  She hoped that the worst case scenario would not be as bad as losing Delphine - she couldn't imagine it would be - but a tiny voice in the back of her head whispered that this could be it - this could be how you lose her.  Cosima held off on the wine but Delphine didn’t seem to notice, delighted as she was by the tranquil patriarch and his easy manner of conversation.

Towards the end of dinner Tony stood abruptly and announced that he was going out.  When Carol pressed him about where and with whom he just shrugged and kissed her forehead, nodding towards Robert.

“Gonna take the ninja, ok?”

Robert shrugged his consent, swirling his fifth glass of red lazily.  Tony turned to Delphine and smiled wide, terrifyingly like Cosima.

“Welp, I guess I’ll see you sometime tomorrow...or the next day…”

Carol swatted him with a cloth napkin.

“TONY!  Alison and Donny are coming up tomorrow afternoon, you better get your ass back in this house and looking like a presentable human being before…”

Tony and Cosima both snickered.  Delphine looked between the two of them, the subtleties of sibling communication lost on her.

“Yeah, don’t wanna piss off princess Allie.”

Tony rolled his eyes and hip checked Cosima quickly.

“Yeah, she might actually shit that stick out from out her…”

“TONY!”

Carol was clearly drunk, but that seemed to be a fairly regular state for the aging socialite.  She stood and dragged her son into the kitchen for what would begin as a stern lecture and devolve into chain smoking on the back porch until Tony found his way to the motorcycle and roared out in search of a conquest.  Robert smiled lazily and apologetically.

“You’ll have to excuse my youngest children, they’re terrible to their sister but I think they love her.”

Cosima snorted and fiddled with a butter knife..

“God dad, of course we love her, we just can’t stand her sanctimonious attitude.  Or her bangs.  Her fucking bangs are like razor sharp across and her putz of a hus -”

Carol bellowed from the back porch.

“COSIMA!  Drop it!”

Cosima shrugged with a sigh and stood, offering her hand to Delphine who took it eagerly, uncomfortable with the anti-Alison barrage, she had always been taught not to talk about someone who wasn’t there to defend his or her own honor.

“Can we take the Shelby dad?”

Robert nodded and downed the rest of his glass, standing also.

“Sure, I’ll get you the keys.  Just don’t get arrested, ok?”

Cosima grinned and nodded, lacing her fingers into Delphine’s who was warm from the wine and blushing.

“Deal.”

Robert winked at Delphine and trundled off to another part of the house, leaving them alone in the dining room.  Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine’s waist and pulled her close, straining onto her bare tiptoes to reach her lips at their new height.  Delphine bent and drew Cosima into a wine stained kiss.

“Where are we going?”

Kiss.

“Where do you want to go?”

Another kiss.

“I do not know, _ma cherie,_ this is your city.”

Another kiss, lingering, tongues circling.

“Mmm...true…”

The approaching footsteps of Robert Niehaus temporarily cleaved them apart.  He tossed Cosima a set of keys and reached for the wine bottle, finishing the dregs.

“I just had it detailed...so…”

Cosima laughed, Delphine knit her eyebrows together in confusion.

“Yeah dad, ok, we’ll try not to fuck it up too much, right D?”

Delphine shook her head, she didn’t understand what having a car detailed entailed and she was wine drunk enough to find conversation with more than a single person just a bit more difficult than usual.

“ _Oui_...uh...sure?”

Cosima bent over with laughter, her palms on her knees as Robert shrugged, muttered a “have fun, girls” and retreated to a quieter part of the house.  Delphine crossed her arms with mild exasperation as Cosima stood up, still laughing.

“Did you...did you just say, uuuuh sure?”

Delphine grinned and shrugged.

“I guess I did.”

“Oh my god I don't think I've ever heard you say something so...American!  Are you drunk?”

Delphine rolled her eyes and drew Cosima into her embrace.

“Was it too much, can you not handle it?”

Cosima giggled and kissed her cheek then pushed her away, dangling the keys.

“I can handle it, don’t be a bitch.”

And with that she was trotting through the house, howling a goodbye to her mother, Delphine in tow with a goofy grin plastered to her face.  


	12. Heavy is the Head

What was supposed to be a drive and and a serious conversation ended up a drive and a serious make-out session, complete with bumped shins and a chorus of giggles echoing out of the backseat of Robert’s newly detailed ‘68 Shelby Mustang.  Delphine could not stop herself from smiling or laughing as her beloved explored her body with her fingers, teeth, and tongue.  She was full to the brim with love, nothing could take her down as she soared on the broad wingspan of a heady buzz.  When Cosima grew serious and tried to speak she shook her head and silenced her with a hungry kiss, now was not the time. Delphine was drunk from wine and high from Cosima’s pervasive grin and there was nothing she wanted more at that moment than to feel alive and loved and whole.  Delphine felt her own body, so loose and warm, and all she wanted to do was stay wrapped up in the only arms she ever wanted to feel on her for the rest of her days.

They woke in a naked tangle the following morning, Delphine’s head ringing, her eyes rimmed with haphazardly smudged makeup.  She had little recollection of the evening beyond a flurry of hands and the squeak of bodies crammed into the vinyl clad interior of Cosima’s father’s car.  She groaned and buried her face into her pillow as Cosima’s eyelashes brushed against her cheek, the American’s voice betraying a spreading grin that the desperately hungover French woman refused to look at for fear of committing a homicide.

“Well good morning sunshine,” the brunette trilled, “I bet you feel _tres fantastique!_ ”

Delphine muttered a string of multi-lingual profanity and palmed Cosima’s face blindly in an effort to shut her up.  Her head felt as if a series of explosions had gone off around it the night before, her ears rang violently and her mouth tasted faintly metallic.  Cosima squirmed out from under her palm and bounced out of bed with an obnoxious giggle.  Delphine picked her head up groggily and watched as her girlfriend perched on the edge of her childhood desk, stark naked and grinning, and lit a joint.  Delphine’s stomach turned as she whimpered defeatedly, grabbing the pillow from under her face and using it as a pathetic hangover helmet.  She couldn’t believe how drunk she’d gotten.  She barely remembered her wine glass being refilled, let alone where she and Cosima had driven to or how they had managed to get home.  She tried to speak from under the pillow but her words were a garbled mess.  Something about aspirin, water, and death.  She heard Cosima’s steps retreat into the bathroom, the tap opening, and then steps again.  A kiss to her shoulder forced her to lift her head from under the pillow, her eyes bloodshot and squinting, her hair an absolute wreck.  The joint remained smoldering in an ashtray on the desk, the thick scent making the blonde nearly die on the spot.

“ _Mon dieu_ , what happened to me?”

Cosima snorted and handed her two advil and a glass of water which she chugged without pause.  

“I believe you got drunk, Madame, a common occurrence here at Casa Niehaus.”

Delphine rolled her eyes as she rolled her leaden body to the side, not at all surprised that she was naked.  

“Did...we…”

Cosima laughed and kissed her forehead, shaking her head.

“No baby, we did not.  You were far too busy praying at the porcelain altar.”

Delphine quirked her head, the small movement causing a bolt of pain to shoot through her temples.  She groaned and lay her spinning head back down.  Cosima stroked her arm lovingly, though her face was still a mask of mockery and amusement.

“I do not understand this saying...”

“You threw up.  Hard.  I think you might have even burst a few blood vessels around your eyes actually...”

Delphine shook her head and turned her face back into the pillow, muttering her apologies as a few key memories clicked into place.  She remembered nearly tanking down the center staircase as Cosima shushed her and tried to haul her up, she also remembered Cosima rubbing her back and holding back her hair as she wretched like a teenager.  She briefly entertained the idea of jumping out the third floor window but figured she would only be gravely injured, not killed like she wanted at that moment, and so it would be futile. Cosima ran her fingers up and down her spine, trying to stifle her giggles.

“Deee, it’s no big deal, you don’t need to apologize.”

Muffled response.

“I can’t hear you…”

Delphine lifted her face enough to spit a few words out.

“I just feel so gross!   _Je suis la gueule de boooooois!_ ”

Cosima nodded sympathetically and kissed between her wrecked lover’s shoulder blades, her lips curled into a full-blown asshole grin.  This was hilarious, there was no way around it.  She didn’t want to laugh out loud, didn’t want to remind the poor blonde of her fumbling groping, her eventual collapse on the bathroom floor, but it was almost too much to hold it.

“I know, I’ll go get you some breakfast, you want pancakes?”

Delphine whined and nodded, her eyes brimming her tears of gratitude at the mention of carbohydrates.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so shitty, but she imagined that it had involved Sarah, a bottle of vodka, and some bad romantic comedies.  Or maybe it was the New Year party she went to with Jen, or college, she had spent a great deal of time drunk in college.  She couldn’t think straight.  Wine hangovers killed her.  She wondered if her French citizenship would be revoked if she ever openly admitted that.  Cosima kissed down her back, nibbling her sides playfully until Delphine squealed in protest.

“Cosima...please…”

“Ok, ok.  I’m on it, breakfast for the queen!  Your wish is my command, but first, what does _noooo yay lay pooh san_ mean?”

Delphine, always the teacher, grumbled a correction from the depths of the pillow.

“ _Noyer le poisson_...it means literally to drown a fish.”

She didn’t add that it was idiomatic and meant to convey frustration with the avoidance of a given issue.  Cosima rolled her eyes.

“Your people are so weird.”

Delphine wasn’t given the chance to respond as the bundle of energy that was her life partner sashayed out the door, belting a robe around her hips as she went, the joint hanging from her lips.  Left in the cool silence of the nerd turret, Delphine wrapped herself tightly in a comforter and buried her head under a few pillows, determined to see no one until she was a fully functioning human being.  She could only hope that none of the other Niehauses had seen her stumbling and sloppy, hanging all over their pocket-sized poet as she tried to drag her drunk body up the stairs.  She fell into a fitful sleep with ease, snoring lightly.

Cosima sauntered into the dining room where her father and mother were sitting, bickering about something over coffee and muffins.  Carol eagerly took the proffered joint and Robert shook his head in amusement.

“How’s the patient?”  Robert grinned, biting into a buttered muffin half.

Cosima laughed and sat down.

“She wants pancakes, but otherwise she’s fine.”

Carol laughed giddily and passed the joint back to her daughter.

“Maybe we should not tell her that we saw her…”

“Mom, you more than saw her, you helped me drag her ass up the stairs AND undress her.  She can be wicked stubborn sometimes…”

Carol grinned, releasing a cloud of smoke above her head as her husband waved it away absently.

“She’s lovely Cosima, really.”

Cosima grinned ear to ear and ate the other half of her father’s muffin without asking.  He snorted and reached for another one.

“I know, right?  I love her.  I want to marry her.”

Robert and Carol both nodded knowingly as a dark cloud suddenly swept across their excitable daughter’s face.  She sighed and raked a hand through her dreads, tying them back with the thick band she kept coiled around her wrist.

“God, don’t get so quiet.  I know...I know I have to deal with Felix…”

Carol motioned for the joint as Cosima took a drag.  Cosima shook her head and took another, feeling a great and sudden need to be blissfully unaware of her predicament.  Robert was the first to speak.

“Have you heard from him?”

“No.  Haven’t seen or heard from him in over eighteen months.  Not since he reappeared with…”

She stopped herself and listened for any echoes of movement throughout the great house, the only sounds greeting her ears were the kitchen staff and the faint hum of traffic just beyond the gates.  Reassured that Delphine was immobilized, she nonetheless lowered her voice to a hissing whisper.

“Not since he dropped Colin on us.”

Carol shook her head.

“That was...just...a lot...”

Cosima nodded in agreement and finally passed the joint to the eager matriarch who batted her eyelashes innocently as her husband raised a brow.

“I’m on vacation.”

“Carol,” Robert sighed, “your life is a perpetual vacation.”

Carol laughed sharply, sounding so much like Cosima, and took a deep pull, blowing the smoke in her husband’s face who waved his arms wildly before speaking.

“So she doesn’t know?”

“Nope.”

“How did you neglect to tell her that you were already married?”

It was Cosima’s turn to laugh, though she was anything but amused.

“God, Dad!  It’s not like it’s a real marriage.  Fuck.  He’s gay.  So am I.  I never even...I only married him...well...you know why.”

Carol nodded, amazingly focused for being on the edge of completely stoned, and stated the obvious.

“I know dear, but don’t you think she has a right to know?”

“Of course she does!  I just never said anything!  What was I supposed to say?!  There was never a good time and it’s not like it was real…”

Robert frowned and chimed in.

“But it is real, Cosima.  At least legally, even if it never was for you, it is real in the eyes of the law.  And in the state of California, that entitles him...”

Her father cut himself short as Cosima sighed, finished the joint, and stubbed it out on a plate.  Carol was about to chide her and then thought better of it, her daughter was more important than a piece of china.  What could be said at this juncture other than what Cosima already knew, that she should have been more open earlier, that she should have laid it all out in the beginning?  What could have been just a hiccup had now become a gaping gunshot wound.

“Does she know about Colin?”

Cosima shook her head again, wishing she had brought another joint downstairs.  She had only meant to acquire pancakes for her ailing beloved, not face the firing squad of questions that were inevitable but painful.  It all made her feel so stupid.

“No.  He’s not mine…”

“But he is part of your life, whether you want to admit it openly or not…”

“Yes, Mom, thank you for the reminder.  But what was I supposed to say?  Hey!  My gay husband, the one I've seen maybe once in almost four years, got some random girl pregnant through the miracles of cocaine and then left the poor kid with my parents right before I met you?  I’m sure that would go over just ducky with Delphine.  I know just what to say, ‘hey baby, wanna have a kid?  Great, I already have one, he just lives on a vineyard with a foster family and isn’t actually mine but we get along really well!’  Yes, I can just see that now…”

Robert shook his head, laying a warm palm onto Cosima’s resting forearm.

“You’ll have to tell her eventually, no matter how fucked up it is, princess.”

“Will I!?  Can’t I just have it all annulled and call it a day…”

Robert shrugged.

“I don’t know, it’s been quite a while now.  I’ll talk to my lawyer...but if you’re planning on marrying this girl, truly marrying her, then you had best start being honest with her.  And what about poor Colin?  He adores you...there’s no reason…”

Cosima touched her own cheek, not surprised to find tears streaking her face.

“I did not mean for any of this to happen.  I just wanted a break, Aunt Rachel made it all sound so rad, a nice year off, and then I was going to go back to Stanford and bring Colin with me and everything would just be...fine.”

A bang from the great room startled Cosima from her seat and she rushed forward, her thoughts filled with Delphine having heard her, Delphine slamming doors, Delphine gone forever.  Instead she careened into her brother who laughed giddily and picked her up, spinning her around.

“OH HELLO!  Didn’t expect YOU to be up so early!  Where’s your sex kitten?”

Cosima smacked Tony hard across the head who in turn dropped her with a grimace.

“Damn geek monkey, fucking relax!”

“Don’t call her that.  God, you’re such a douchebag sometimes.”

“Whatever.  I can see you’re having a stunning morning.”

Tony pushed passed her and barreled towards the kitchen, howling.

“Any chance for pancakes?!”

Cosima followed him.  Pancakes.  She could make those happen, even if she couldn’t slow the inevitable train crash that was her ridiculous existence.  Carol sighed, stoned and worried, while Robert opened the paper and shrugged.  Their children were complicated, there was no doubt about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for lack of smut and length - my real teacher life has restarted again aaaaaand...you know...plot?


	13. An Escarpment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay - 'tis the season for teacher misery!

Delphine woke up alone, her legs sticking out of the sheets, her feet freezing.  She sighed and cracked her neck, stretching her long arms above her head, delighted that her headache was mostly gone, less than delighted by the foul taste in her mouth and the soreness radiating throughout her body.  She sat up and rolled her shoulders and neck as the door opened and Cosima entered with a grin, surprised and delighted to see her beloved awake and semi-functional.  Delphine opened her arms and drew the smaller woman into her horizontal embrace, kissing her forehead in silent thanks.  Cosima fell into her arms with practiced ease, wrapping her legs around the still naked woman.

“I see you’re feeling better then...”

“ _Oui._  Much.  Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Cosima laughed and nuzzled her neck, her dreads scratchy against the skin of the blonde’s exposed shoulders.

“You should thank Maude.  She made you the pancakes, I just brought them to you and watched you inhale them before passing out again.”

Delphine traced lazy circles over the back of her girlfriend's shoulders with the tips of fingers, dotting the top of her head with soft kisses.

"I am so sorry, _cherie_ , I hope I did not embarrass you...or make a complete fool of myself..."

Cosima grinned into her neck, closing her eyes under the vibrations of the French woman's speech.  She had the good grace to say nothing about Delphine's drunken protestations last night and had sworn her mother to the same silence.  Carol had acquiesced only after her daughter had offered a fully loaded stealth joint under the judging gaze of her father.

"Mmmmm no.  You were fine baby, not bad at all."

" _Je t'aime_.  And, I need a toothbrush."

Cosima giggled and snuggled closer, stifling the blonde's feeble attempt to rise.  She then drew the comforter around their two bodies tightly, trapping Delphine in her grip.

"Nope.  You're not moving."

"Cosimaaaa..." Delphine whined and pinched Cosima's hip.  Cosima shook her head and nibbled on the blonde's collarbone, almost forgetting the seriousness of her impending task, almost forgetting the conversation with her parents that she had just exited.  She sighed as Delphine's hands slipped under the straps of her tank top, quick fingers tracing the swell of her breasts at the top of her bra.

"Mmm, hey now, you must be feeling a lot better..."

"Non, but I cannot keep my hands off of you, no matter how terrible I feel..."

Delphine kissed Cosima's temple, trailing lightly to her earlobe, her voice a faint and trembling whisper as her hands found purchase around the brunette's neck once again.

"I would want you no matter what.  I want you always.  I need you always.  I love you always, always."

Cosima sighed and pushed back a bit, regarding her beautiful beloved with an serious expression.  Her own voice echoed Delphine's sweet whisper and her hands gripped her hips like a life raft.  It’s now or never...I’m counting on you God, or whoever is fucking listening, to make it all ok.

"Do you mean that?"

Delphine nodded very seriously, laying her forehead against Cosima’s, their noses touching.

"I mean it with my whole heart."

Cosima could feel her own pulse in her ears, her heart working overtime as she let the words escape her lips in a soft, sad whisper.  She closed her eyes as she spoke, terrified of what would come next.

“I love you so so much Delphine, but I can’t marry you.  At least, not yet...”

Delphine nodded, her own eyes closed as her mind raced across the universe of possible reasons.  She barely registered the rest of Cosima’s words as they tumbled across her ears in a sudden rush, so fast that she was certain she hadn’t heard them correctly.

“...because I’m already married.”

 

*********************

 

Carol’s delicious marijuana haze was interrupted by the echoing reverberation of a distant howl that grew steadily closer and progressively louder.  She rolled her head to the side of the chaise and reached for a cigarette from the pack resting on the antique Georgian table that she had recently acquired at auction.  She attempted to strain her ears then giggled at the foolishness of the action, she was too old for such nonsense, and far too stoned, the cacophony would either come to her or she would hear about it later.  She lit a cigarette and made a mental note to have the cleaners steam the heavy damask curtains of the sitting room as soon as she was able to make the call.  Laying back in the chair, she smugly grinned as the din drew closer, as she knew it would.  Her daughter’s voice was shrill and edged with panic as it bounced and echoed throughout the atrium.

“Are you SERIOUS?!  Oh my god, where are YOU going?!”

A muffled, tremulous answer followed but Carol could not make out the source.  She sunk deeper into the chair, the ancient velveteen like so many tiny fingers on the exposed flesh of her calves, her forearms, and her shoulders.  She almost never sat in this room, she almost never smoked in the house, but maybe she should.  It felt amazing.  The vaulted ceilings, the crown molding, the ceiling fan that seemed to move even when it wasn’t turned on.  She giggled and took a deep drag from her cigarette then ashed it onto the top of the pack.  She should really get an ashtray for this room.  Her daughter’s voice was louder now, meaning she was probably just on the other side of the door.

“I cannot even right now!  I JUST CANNOT EVEN!”

“Hello, darling!” Carol called from her perch languidly.  Alison turned away from the red, shaking face of her son and looked disapprovingly at her mother as the matriarch slid out of her seat and into the hall, trying to act casual despite the fact that her eyes were totally bloodshot and the strap of her dress was hanging down her arm.  The little boy perked up and offered a weak greeting, his nose dripping blood.

“Hello, mother.  Could you maybe get us some napkins?  Gemma dared Oscar to shove a dime up his nose and he took it upon himself to rise to the challenge while we were on the expressway.”

Carol started giggling, softly at first, but soon she was a rolling mess.  She bent at the waist and slapped her own thigh over the ridiculousness of it all.  She continued laughing as Donnie entered with a quivering-lipped Gemma in tow, causing Alison to spin on a heel and stalk towards the kitchen, muttering all manner of socially inappropriate obscenities.  Donnie grimaced awkwardly as he stood tall between his two nervous children, regarding his mother-in-law with a mixture of fear and amusement.

“Hello, Carol.”

“Donald…”

She managed to spit out her son-in-law’s name in between another round of giggles before pulling her bewildered grandchildren into a double hug.  They returned the hug gleefully knowing that grandma’s house would offer respite from their neurotic mother, if only because of the cavernous size of the whole thing.

“And how are we my darlings?  Is the dime still up there?!”

Oscar shook his head and half opened his mouth to answer when Alison burst through the doors again, wads of paper towel in hand, plastic smile back in place.

“Ok, ok, let’s get this cleaned up…”

Oscar reluctantly followed the whirlwind that was his mother into a small bathroom as Gemma stifled a giggle.  Donnie shifted nervously, unsure of where to settle his bulk in the Niehaus home despite having been a peripheral part of the family for more than a decade.  Carol broke the silence as she reached around for the pack of cigarettes, scattering ash across the floor.

“Woopsie!  We’ll have to tell Pilar about that!  Did you bring bathing suits?”

Gemma squealed and nodded then ran back to where their bags sat at the front door.  Donnie followed the little girl in an attempt to be helpful, his bulk impressive even in the large house, leaving Carol standing alone just as Cosima and Delphine descended the stairs.

“Oh hello girls.  Cosima, your sister and Donnie and the kids are here.”

“Yes mom, I heard their entrance, stunning as always.”

Delphine smiled wearily.  Her nerves were shot from the last thirty minutes, her mind buzzing - peace corps, green card, artist, British, gay, Colin - she tried to piece together the details of Cosima’s story while also making peace with it, but found herself wounded and overwhelmed.  She had kissed Cosima anyway, her heart bruised but not entirely broken, and had agreed to talk about it more fully later as the crashing disaster of the Hendrix family entrance had jolted them both out of the turret.  Before they had left the safety of the tower room, Cosima had spun her around and hugged her with a fierceness that made her heart melt, her shaking whispers pleading, begging Delphine to not go anywhere.  Delphine had sighed and melted into her grip, reassuring her that she would go nowhere, that they would figure things out together.  Staying had **not** been her first instinct, but as Cosima’s hand slid into hers, her grip squeezing quickly in question, she believed she had made the right decision.  For now.

Carol narrowed her eyes at Delphine and was about to speak when she was interrupted by Gemma’s squeals from the pool.

“OH!  Delphine, come here and meet my granddaughter!”

Cosima shrugged as Delphine was pulled towards the pool, leaving her to stand awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, her head still spinning.  She watched her girlfriend’s shoulders from behind, tense and slightly shaking, and worried that her promises would not be kept.  She sat on the bottom step and buried her forehead in her hands, waiting for her sister to emerge from the bathroom.  How could she have let this happen?  How could she have been so cavalier as to think that her marriage, even one for what began as noble reasons, would not impact her developing relationship with the most amazing woman she had ever met?  How could she have been such a child about things?  She groaned softly to herself, shaking her head in her hands, tears of self pity forming.  The threat of a torrent was interrupted by the wild squeal of her nephew bursting from the bathroom door, wads of tissue jammed into his left nostril.

“AUNTIE COSIMA!”

The dreadlocked woman schooled her face into a grin and stood with her arms wide.

“OSCAR!  C’mere man, I’ve missed you!”

The little boy threw himself into her arms as his mother emerged behind him, lips pressed into a tight but happy smile.  Even at her most relaxed Alison was like a cobra, a tight coil of neurosis and prescription drug dependence.  Cosima glanced over Oscar’s shoulder and smiled towards her sister with a nod.

“Al.”

“Cosima.”

Cosima dropped her squirming nephew who prattled on about swimming lessons as they two women sized each other up.  Alison bent down and instructed Oscar to grab his bathing suit and head to the pool where Gemma was screaming wildly and Carol was holding court with a beleaguered Delphine in tow.  Oscar trotted off and the two women stood quietly for a moment, sizing each other up.  Alison finally broke the silence, self-consciously touching her ponytail, a gesture mirroring Cosima’s own constant palming of her neck.

“So, you brought someone home.”

“I did.”

“Mom says she’s beautiful.”

“She is.”

“And that you love her.”

“I do.”

“Does she…”

The violence of Cosima’s nod and the tears at the corners of her eyes stopped Alison’s questioning.  The older sister drew her addled younger sister into her arms and rocked her gently as if they were children again and Cosima had fallen or suffered one of her thrice daily mishaps.  She knew the whole story, had gotten it from her mother before the marijuana intake, and had come prepared to be the little mother she was, even if a tightly wound version.

“Oh Cos...why did you wait so long to tell her?”

“Al, I don’t know, I mean, it was not supposed to be serious…”

“Yeah, but it is.  Maybe you should take her to meet him?”

Cosima pulled back out of her sister’s embrace, forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“Fee?  I don’t even know…”

“No, Colin.  Take her to meet Colin.”

Cosima nodded and turned towards the pool, catching a glimpse of Delphine through the french doors, shining and laughing softly at the edge of pool, her black pants rolled to her knees, offering Gemma a high five.

“Yeah, I’d like to.”

“I mean, the fact that she didn’t just leave.”

“She still could.  She might.”

Alison shrugged, digging through her bag and producing a small silver pill case.  She offered it to Cosima who shook her head, she needed her wits about her in order to read the signs of potential abandonment.


	14. Parishes Bordering on Silence

As soon as he found out that Delphine spoke another language, like, _the whole language_ , Oscar attached himself to her and repeated the litany "so how do you say...?" with an obsessive and relentless curiosity that was not unlike his favorite aunt’s.  Alison had tried in vain to stop her precocious ten year old, but Delphine smiled beatifically and told her that it was ok, that she was in the business of edifying young people and that she enjoyed his questions.  What she didn't say is that it helped take her mind off of her earlier conversation with Cosima and enabled her to avoid her lover who grew increasingly sullen as the afternoon wore on with Delphine maintaining an icy, albeit polite, distance.

By the edge of dusk Gemma had joined the rapid fire call and response and the opening - how do you say? - had turned into a staccato chorus of word, pause, response - word, pause, response.

“Fish!”

“ _Poisson_.”

“Shark!”

“ _Requin_.”

“Pool!”

“ _Piscine_.”

“Pool noodle!”

“ _Je ne sais pas_ Oscar, ummm, _jouet pour la piscine_?”

“What’s a joo-eh?”

“Good pronunciation Gemma!  It means toy, so _jouet pour la piscine_ means toy for the pool.  I only know noodles to be food…”

Delphine winked at the little girl as Oscar interrupted, anxious to learn more.

“Does your name mean dolphin?  It sounds like dolphin…”

Delphine laughed and shook her head, lowering her sunglasses to watch the little boy paddle by on the back of an inflatable dragon, his brow knit like she’d seen his mother do so often throughout the course of the day.

“I suppose it is close, but I believe it comes from the delphinium, which is a small blue flower.  Dolphin is _dauphin_.”

Oscar nodded, satisfied with the response.  He practiced the word a few times, rolling it around in his mouth while kicking his feet into the pool.  Gemma jumped off of her inflatable whale and swam over to where Delphine was floating on a lounge raft, attaching herself to the end with her small hands and peering up at the pretty blonde stretched out casually.

"How do you say puppy?”

Delphine paused and shifted on the pool float carefully, pretending to adjust the thin tie of her bathing suit bottom.  She fiddled with the pencil that she had used to hold her hair back before joining Oscar and Gemma in the pool.  Delphine's lips curled into a half smile - she could feel Cosima’s eyes on her as the smaller woman waited for her to answer.

"Perhaps you should ask your Aunt, _mon petite_ , she knows that one, though I am afraid she does not know much else.”

Cosima closed the book she was pretending to read, still looking at Delphine who had folded her hands behind her head with a satisfied smirk, her perfectly shaped eyebrow arched just over the edge of her dark glasses.

" _Chiot_ ," she muttered half-heartedly, completely not herself.  Alison raised an eyebrow and looked up from her copy of People Magazine as Donnie snored next to her and Carol busied herself with a pack of cigarettes at the far end of the deck.

"You two have been together for how long and that's all you know?!  Puppy?!"

Cosima shot her sister a look as her brother sauntered onto the deck with a bucket of beer.  Delphine raised her glasses again and was satisfied by Cosima's obvious discomfort and the color rising up her neck and across her cheeks.  She turned her head away from the lounging adults as she spoke lazily, drifting across the pool with Gemma still in tow.

"Alison, your sister is not one to learn her lessons it seems, _non_?”

Tony laughed loudly and clapped before dropping a cold beer onto Donnie's gut.  The kids laughed too, though they had no idea what was so funny.  The scrape of Cosima's chair and the slam of the screen door made Delphine sit up abruptly, almost knocking herself and Gemma into the pool.  Donnie howled and sat up at the sudden burst of cold and the myriad of loud noises, confused by the beer rolling across the ground below his chair.  Alison rolled her eyes and shook her head at her husband.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.”

Donnie grumbled something about resting his eyes as Tony lightly shook a beer in Delphine’s direction.

“Bet you could use one of these, eh frenchy?”

Delphine shook her head and slid into the pool with a sigh.  She walked easily across the shallow end and pulled herself carefully onto the patio, graciously accepting the towel that Tony offered her instead of the beer.  She loved the ease with which Cosima’s family teased one another, the quick laughter and the jabs, but apparently this privilege did not yet extend to her, at least not in this moment.  She toweled herself dry and squared her shoulders slightly, nodding to the adults with a quick _excusez-moi_ before striding across the foyer and bounding up the stairs towards Cosima’s room.

She paused at the entrance of the nerd turret, the door was slightly ajar but Cosima’s voice gave her pause.  She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but found herself straining to hear anyway.

“Yeah.  Yeah.  Maybe tomorrow?  I have to make sure...I mean...it might just be me...I don’t know yet…”

Delphine’s stomach flipped.  She was angry, very angry, even angry enough to drum up a good argument, but she wasn’t angry enough to leave even if her first instinct had been to immediately look up return flight to Boston.  She had faith that they would figure it out, that they would be together, even if things felt absurdly difficult and more than a little tense at the moment.  She wanted things to be easier and knew it it was in her hands, but she was not yet ready to relent, not without further explanation, not without copious apologies.  She pushed through the door carefully as Cosima ended her conversation.

“I appreciate it Shay, I’ll keep you posted.”

Cosima sat at the end of the bed, every muscle tightly wound, her face ready to break.

“Hey.  Sorry.”

Delphine sat next to her, their bodies close enough to touch but neither of them daring to close the tiny distance.

“It is ok, I should not have been teasing you.”

Cosima sighed and shook her head, looking down at her hands as she opened and closed them, trying to find the right words, something she wasn’t used to.

“No.  No it’s not ok.  I should have told you sooner and now…”  she shrugged at the futility of her attempts and sagged her shoulders, a few tears running down her face.  Delphine’s heart broke for her but she made no move to offer comfort, torn between her rightful anger and her deep love for the absurd little woman next to her.

“ _Oui._  You should have.  But you did not.  So now we will deal with it.”

“We?”

Cosima looked up over the rims of her dark frames, her eyes wide and unabashedly full of tears.  Delphine sighed, her lips in a tight grimace, willing herself to keep her distance even as her fingers brushed lightly up Cosima’s arm.

“Yes, _mon amour_.  WE will figure it out, if it can be figured out.”

Cosima nodded, leaning into the blonde’s light touch.

“You mean, you’re not just staying because you didn’t want to embarrass me by ditching me in front of my family?”

Delphine laughed, a bit more harshly than intended, causing Cosima to shrink back a bit.  

“ _Non_.  I did not leave because I love you.  I love you even if you are an idiot."

Cosima sniffled and grinned slightly, leaning into Delphine’s side.  Delphine didn’t move away, but she didn’t lean back as was her custom.  They sat there for what felt like a long time, each listening to the other’s breathing, to the distant laughter of the Niehaus siblings and Alison’s children.  Delphine finally nudged Cosima lightly, her face softened.

“It will be ok.”

Cosima nodded and nuzzled her face into the blonde’s bicep.  Delphine slid her arm around the brunette with a resigned sigh.  She was not used to this, not used to loving someone so fiercely or being in a relationship, she did not know how long was appropriate to stay angry, did not know how to have a fight that didn’t involve a complete implosion.  A sliver of Cosima’s boldness returned and she found herself kissing Delphine’s bare shoulder, raising goosebumps in the wake of her lips.  She murmured endearments as she kissed up her lover’s neck, Delphine sighing and squeezing her hip in return.

“For being so smart, you are not so smart, Cosima.”

Cosima grinned softly, her face in Delphine’s neck.

“I know.”

“You are lucky that I love you.”

“You’re not the only person to tell me that today, you know.”

Delphine smiled.  She was glad to have the clan behind her. Even though she knew she had every right to be angry, livid even, she also knew that blood was thicker than water.

“Oh?  Is that so?”

Cosima laughed and drew back, looking deep into the wide hazel eyes across from her, drowning in the beauty of this second chance.

“Yes.  I have been reminded no less than 500 times today that you are way better than I deserve and that I should do everything I can to make this right…”

Delphine’s mouth twitched into a half smile as she teased her fingertips across Cosima’s lower back, edging across the upper curve of her ass.

“Well...there are many things you can do to make this right, Cosima.”

Cosima grinned and leaned in to kiss her beloved, only to be stopped just inches away from her lips by a pointed finger and a low whisper.

“But they can wait until after dinner.  And after you tell me the whole story, slowly, without leaving anything out.   _Entendez-vous?_ ”

Cosima nodded and sat back, taking Delphine’s hands in hers.

“Yes.  I understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one - though I promise the build up will be over soon. ;)


	15. Remembrance of Things Past (Part One)

The game continued throughout dinner.

“Fork!”

“ _La fourchette_.”

“Spoon!”

“ _La culliere_.”

“Knife!”

“ _Le couteau_.”

Delphine abstained from drinking, a dull thud still clanking in her temples, while Cosima followed suit, nervous and tuned in to Delphine’s every move from across the large mahogany table.   After the kids were ushered off to the basement to watch television and play foosball, Tony regaled his siblings and parents with tales of his late evening debauchery.  Alison leaned across the table, clearly intoxicated, and brushed the backs of her fingers against Delphine’s cheeks.

“Your skin is like, insanely soft.  I would killllll to…”

Cosima interrupted with a pointed glare, water glass raised half to her face.

“Ok Al, that’s enough,” Cosima warned as she turned to Delphine who sat frozen in her always perfect posture, her face passive, “Alison owns a speciality skin care boutique and sometimes she gets a little handsy...”  Delphine smiled warmly towards Alison and canted her head, gently poking Cosima under the table with her toes as if to say _it’s ok, I’ve got this._

“Please, tell me more about this boutique.  I am always looking for…”

Their conversation blended easily into the others and Cosima relaxed.  Carol fussed and buzzed around the table, Robert and Donnie cut cigars, Tony and Cosima argued heatedly over bands that Delphine had never heard of.  It all felt, if a little fast paced, largely normal, even in the wake of this morning’s revelation.  As Alison explained the different chemical compounds and probiotics that would benefit Delphine’s fair skin, the French woman found her mind wandering to the mystery husband that had crept in and out of her subconscious throughout the day.  Felix.  Felix Dawkins, the artist.  She wondered if he had ever sat where she sat now, drinking from the Niehaus’s beautifully cut crystal glasses, eating from their exquisite china.  Had he ever seen Cosima’s childhood bedroom?  Had he ever...no.  No.  She shook her head.  She knew that they hadn’t...that the marriage was one of convenience and necessity, that it had remained unconsummated.  Cosima had sworn that much and Delphine readily believed her; could not even begin to entertain the idea that Cosima had ever touched or been touched by a man, even if that’s all she imagined when they first met. Delphine was jarred from her angst by the sudden silence within the small conversation she had exited abruptly.  Alison had stopped talking and narrowed her eyes, her voice dropping to a slightly slurred whisper.

“You ok there?”

Delphine nodded and rose from her seat, muttering something about needing a cigarette.  She strode as casually as possible out of the dining room and through the central atrium of the grand home, grabbing Carol’s cigarettes from the sitting room table in an effort to speed her return to the table.  As much as she wanted to sprint up the stairs for her own, she didn’t want to alarm anyone.  She knew they all knew, could see it in the brief tendrils of pity, the side-eyed glances throughout the day, the gentle check-ins, and it was ripping her apart.  She kicked her sandals off and sat cross-legged at the edge of the blue-tinted, softly-lit pool, rummaging through her pockets for a lighter and her phone.  Cigarette lit, she raised the screen to her face, a series of messages from Sarah scrolling across the screen.

**Yo bitch tits how’s it going?**

**Too good to send back dispatches to a desperate friend?**

**Jesus woman are you alive?**

**I need details - I am leaking milk and about to kill my husband and children for a glass of whiskey.**

**Hook a bitch up!!!**

Delphine snorted with laughter at her friend’s brash crassness.  She checked the time-stamp from the last message, it was sent 8 minutes ago, she smiled and typed an equally crass reply, letting her hair down for a minute.

**Desole mon connasse it has been a long day.**

She took a deep drag of the cigarette and felt the familiar tingling in her jaw radiate down her neck, through her shoulders, and down to the tips of her fingers.  A terrible habit, but at this moment she simply did not care.  Her phone buzzed seconds later.

**OH, I’m YOUR cunt now?!  I think Cal would beg to differ.**

**I imagine he would, though it sounds like you are in no position to…**

**HAHA!  So true.  I hate you and your lesbian fuckery.  I need details, though if you could take out the vagina monologue and replace it with “throbbing man cock” that would be great thanks.**

Delphine laughed out loud and lit another cigarette, forgetting her earlier concern about being away from the table too long.  It was nice to talk to her friend, nice to be reminded that she had a whole world already built up outside of Cosima, that she was a capable human being able to hold conversations about normal adult subjects without bursting into tears of rage...or happiness...or explosive post-coital bliss.  Cigarette between her lips, she leaned forward and rolled her pants up, skimming her bare feet through the cool water with a happy sigh.

**If only I could.  You know that is language outside of my abilities.**

**Yeah yeah I get it you bean fiddler.  So, how is it?  How are the parents?**

Delphine paused, considering her options.  Spill everything now and end up crying before she really knew the full extent of the story?  Or wait and see where things were headed, give Cosima another chance to explain herself before dragging in an outside evaluator?  She went with option two and shot a picture of the pool, sending it along without commentary.

**WOW!  Nice hotel!**

**Not a hotel.  This is her childhood home.**

**Shut the fuck up!!!  Please tell me you are taking full advantage of this opportunity and not just flitting about being a polite little piece of arm candy!**

**Amazing, non?  Her parents are not what I thought they would be.  Her mother is hilarious and seems to almost always be drunk, and her father is charming and lovely.  Her siblings…**

**As fucking weird as her?**

Delphine paused with a grin.  She knew Sarah loved Cosima in her own way but also found the English teacher often bordering on infuriating.

**Is she weird?**

**Oh my god D.  Seriously?  Sometimes I wonder how you got into Yale…yes, she’s a total weirdo and you are gross and in love and therefore blind.**

**Hmmm yes.  Her siblings are even more so.  A transgendered brother AND a suburban housewife older sister with a drug habit.  I do not know how three people from the same womb could be so different.**

**It sounds like you’re having a good time though, I’m happy for you.**

**Merci, Sarah.  I am.  Though I miss you, and the school.**

**Oy.  Why!?  Ugh, don’t even answer that.  Just be happy you’re not here.  It’s fucking hotter than hell and I am bitchy as fuck.  Tell me more about your trip, where to next…**

Delphine shrugged as if Sarah could see her as she recalled the conversation she had overheard before walking into Cosima’s room.  They were scheduled to stay another few days, but she thought maybe Cosima had another plan, something involving Shay.  She finished the second cigarette and stubbed it out.

**We shall see.  I will be better about sending pictures.**

**You better!**

**Ok, I should get back to dinner.**

**K.  Later boss!  Don’t eat too much! ;)**

She stood and cracked her back, her eyes turned to the sky.  She felt a little better, felt ready to face the whole thing, ready to make a decision.  Though she knew in her heart of hearts that her decision would always put her next to Cosima, that nothing the other woman could do would push her away, even if her heart shattered into a million little pieces at every new revelation, every new layer.  Used to being in a position of power, she felt powerless, rudderless, and lost - as if her whole sense of self had been stripped by strong little hands and half-mast eyed smiles.  She shook her head and muttered to herself - _t’es rien qu’un petit connard, Delphine_ \- only to collide with the compact body of her girlfriend as she approached carefully from behind her.  Instinctively she wrapped her arms around Cosima’s waist as the other woman’s face lit up with glee and relief.

“Oh!  I did not mean to stay out here so long....”

Cosima laughed and shook her head, her arms draped across the blonde’s shoulders.

“It’s cool, things were winding down anyway.  Al was pretty blasted and Tony went out, again.  I think my parents are still up but they are probably arguing about my mother smoking in the house again…”  the shorter woman smiled up as she spoke, her eyebrows raised in silent question as her fingers traced tight little circles along the nape of the other’s neck - _is this ok?  Do you still love me?_ Delphine let a single finger trail under the hem of Cosima’s shirt, teasing lightly at the bare skin of her hip.  Cosima squirmed and giggled lightly, nuzzling her face into Delphine’s shoulder.

“Ok…”

She didn’t know what else to say, her brain rattling around her task.  How to condense the last ten years, the ups and down and manic madness that had been her life before Southbourne, before Delphine, while not leaving out the crucial details as she had done so many times before?  How did she give herself, her WHOLE self, to this other person, this woman she loved more than anything, without scaring her away, without pushing her to leave?  She sighed heavily, knowing that it was now or never, knowing that when one begins something while another beginning is still trying to end that there are bound to be snags, bound to be tiny disasters dotting the landscape like the luggage from a plane crash.  She took Delphine’s hands into her own and squeezed them tight, her voice low, her eyes on the ground.

“OK, so...I’ll start at the beginning.”

Delphine nodded as Cosima walked them backwards to the edge of the pool, then turned and kicked a massive, gently walled float into the shallow end, holding it with her toes and gesturing grandly, still not making eye contact.

“Your chariot, Madame Cormier.”

Delphine rolled her eyes and slid onto the pool float, splashing herself slightly as she reached for the side to hold the float in place.  Cosima jumped on without ceremony, tilting water into the seat.  She giggled as Delphine groaned and tried futilely to shift away from the wetness.  They floated lazily around the pool, tangled up together.

“Ok...so it all started in 2003…”

 

************

 

She unfolded the paper again, the creases worn and and cottony soft from the constant fiddling, the constant attention.  She had read it no less than a dozen times during the final descent into Phnom Penh International Airport, no less than fifty times throughout the course of her two and a half hour connecting flight from China, and by now she knew the poem by heart.  Of course, she had always known it by heart because it WAS her heart and now she was readying herself to give both things to another.  Forever.  She read it one more time as she walked through the busy airport in a daze, her back weary from carrying her massively over-stuffed frame pack.

 

_In the fallout shelter of dreams_

_I see us through a solution, darkly;_

_my secret self straining against the seams_

_of an undeveloped reality._

_It is only with guidance_

_(Charon at the oar, Virgil at the gate,_

_Beatrice lying in wait)_

_that I can fathom the depth_

_of it all and begin to make sense_

_of myself in this infinite space made small_

_(rectangular - a stamp on all souls)._

_Turning my aperture towards you,_

_I snap and shudder and hope to garner favor_

_as you rise and fall with enviable ease,_

_as you force me to ask myself;_

_What does it mean?_

_To be both seen and unseen?_

_To hide in the dark, commanding the night light to gleam?_

_To wear the mark of artist, recreate the garden,_

_and know that the work has true meaning?_

 

She stopped abruptly and mouthed the third line of the second stanza, drawing out BAY-UH-TREE-CHAY a few times, wondering if Shay would hear it in her head the way she did.  For her, poetry was music, and when she read her own work out loud it made sense to her, it helped the whole world make sense to her.  But when she heard others reading it something always felt off, like the rest of the world couldn’t quite follow her rhythm or see where her feet were pointed.  This is why she had gone to Yadoo immediately after graduation, to learn from the best, to hone her craft, and to bolster her graduate school applications.

She supposed it didn’t really matter if Shay did or not hear what she heard because her girlfriend would get the idea, the meaning behind it all, and hopefully she would respond with the same passion, the same fierceness.  They were technically on a break, two years being a long separation, but Cosima was unable to resist the urge to find her, the girl of her dreams, and was willing to chase her halfway around the world five times over if she had to.  She had written letters, written poems, and racked up massive phone bills until finally she decided that enough was enough and spent the remainder of her teaching assistant stipend to fly from Saratoga Springs, NY to San Francisco, CA.  Once there she begged a few things from her parents - outdoor gear, money, plane tickets, and her grandmother’s sapphire engagement ring - and two weeks later here she was, in Cambodia, where Shay was a Peace Corps volunteer.

Their last conversation had been tense.  Though Shay knew she was coming and had initially expressed warm enthusiasm, even love, as the day of departure drew closer Cosima heard the strain in the other woman’s voice as she said goodnight, said I love you.  The conversation from China had been the worst - reception was terrible and the pay phone Cosima stood at was next to a busy newsstand making it difficult to hear.

“Oh my god I’m so excited to see you baby...will you be at the airport?”

There was a long pause before Shay answered, Cosima could hear the clatter of pots and pans and yelling children in the background.  Shay’s assignment involved teaching elementary school aged children in a village on the coast just outside of Krong Kampot, another three hours south of the city.

“I don’t know, Cosima.  I’m really busy here and you land in a few hours.  By the time I find a car and get up there…”

Cosima interrupted her, trying to contain the frustration in her voice, she had just spent the last 22 hours either in airports or airplanes and her patience was running dangerously low.  She took a deep breath and remembered that, while she had been struggling for a day, Shay had been struggling for the better part of the last six months.

“Ok, ok, Shay, it’s ok.  I can just like, get a taxi or something, right?  Are there buses?”

Shay turned away from the phone for a minute and muttered something incomprehensible to someone who responded in clipped Khmer.  It made Cosima think of all those months of practicing in their dorm rooms as seniors at UC Berkeley.  She smiled at the memory of one particular practice session that had turned into a strip tease and then several hours of passionate love making that had left Cosima’s head spinning, the words marry me echoing through her twenty-two year old head.  She remembered her own head between Shay’s thighs and the howled repetition - I love you I love you I love you - from somewhere above her as Shay rolled and crashed and earned them a steady, angry pounding from the other side of the wall.  At the time neither of them had cared.

“Yes, yes.  There are buses.  Just get on one heading towards Preah Monivong National Park then call the main house when you get to Kampot...ok?”

“Ok.  How long will it take?”

“About three hours maybe, provided the bus doesn’t stop too many times or break down on the way.”

“Ok.  I’ll see you soon then.  I love you so much!”

Cosima fondled the tiny velvet box in the cargo pocket of her dirty khaki shorts.

“Ok.  Yeah.  Bye.”

Shay hung up, the echo of screaming children silencing any further words that she may or may not have said.  Cosima shrugged and exited the airport, her eyes flitting wildly from behind thin silver frames.  She took a minute to run her fingers through her boyishly short, dark hair, feeling the beads of sweat collect on her scalp, her mouth twitching into the beginnings of a grimace.  There were buses and taxis everywhere, but the signs weren’t in English and she hadn’t the faintest idea even where to begin.  She sat down cross legged in a patch of sharp grass near a food vendor and lit a cigarette in an effort to steel her nerves before tackling her next move.  She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, allowing herself a moment to relax.  A sharply accented voice interrupted her reverie.

“Oy there Harry Potter!  Got an extra?  Fag for a fag?  Puff for a pouf?”

Her eyes snapped open and she was greeted by the sight of an elegantly thin young man with dark hair, high cheek-bones, and a quirky half smile.  Thrilled to hear another English speaker, Cosima returned the smile and pat the grass beside her.

“Cigarette for company.  That’s my trade.”

The man folded himself next to her and took the offering, even accepting her mock chivalry and allowing her to light it for him before extending a delicate hand with long, strong fingers.

“Felix.  Felix Dawkins.”

“Cosima Niehaus.  It’s nice to meet you, Felix.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you too, love.  What brings you to the Pearl of Asia?”

“Umm…”

She paused, remembering Shay’s warning about being too out while she was visiting.  She would be staying in a separate guest house a few villages over and would have to abide by local custom throughout her visit.  But Felix wasn’t one of Shay’s new friends and she would probably never see him again after this, so she grinned and spilled it.

“I’m here visiting my girlfriend, Shay.  She’s in the Peace Corps down near Kampot.”

Felix grinned brightly and clapped his hands together before taking another deep drag.

“Oh ho!  A sapphic sister AND going my way, it’s my lucky day.  I’m an artist and I’m here for a little coastal inspiration.”

“Oh cool! You’re British, right?”

“Keen powers of observation darling.  Though one day I hope to make the land of the free and the home of brave my permanent residence,” he paused with a dramatic sigh, “there’s just something so beautiful about your gaudy ass country that I just love.”

Cosima laughed and shook her head.  They continued their friendly banter through another cigarette and agreed that finding a bus together would be much easier than finding a bus separately.  They purchased temporary cell phones from a street vendor and wandered about the terminals for awhile before settling on a bus that looked sort of safe if you squinted a little bit.  Settled together in the back of the bus, Cosima continued her story as Felix rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Oh you lesbians.  Always rushing into the first vagina you see!  How old are you, nineteen?  And you want to get married?  Bloody hell.”

Cosima sat up straighter, a bit defensively, and pushed her glasses up her nose.

“I am twenty-two, thank you, and I know what I’m doing.”

Felix snorted in response.

“Yes, when I think of an age when someone knows what they’re doing I immediately think of twenty-two.  What about Shay?  Doesn’t she have a while left here?”

Cosima nodded.  She had sort of thought all of this through but hearing the logistics from someone else’s mouth, someone other than her indulgently complacent parents, made it sound a little bit more ridiculous.

“Yeah...so what?  I mean, we can figure it out.  She has a year and a half left and I have another year at this artist retreat thing I’m doing before I apply to graduate school…”

“An artist retreat?!  You didn’t tell me you were an artist!”

Cosima pulled the tattered poem from her pocket and offered it to her new friend who read it out loud perfectly in his tight North London accent then nodded his approval.  She took it back and tucked it in with the ring.

“Well, seems like you have it all figured out then.”

Cosima nodded and squelched the nibble of doubt beginning to gnaw on her heart, turning the conversation to Felix who told her all about his recent exploits in Thailand, about his on again off again Japanese boyfriend, and his dreams of becoming famous.

 

************

 

Delphine lay her head on Cosima’s shoulder, imagining her beloved a decade ago at twenty-two - hopeful, desperately in love, and impulsive enough to consider marriage.  She had heard of Shay in passing, she knew that she lived in Napa, and that she and Cosima were still friends.  She assumed that the Shay of this afternoon’s conversation was the same Shay but she didn’t say anything.  Instead, she used every last ounce of her teacher patience to hear the whole tale as it unfolded and thought of herself at twenty-two.  She had just graduated from Yale and had jumped at the opportunity to teach at Southbourne, her own heart recently broken by the inevitable end of her first true romance with her college girlfriend.  They had been terrible for each other but there was something comforting about their conversations in French as they drifted through the accented sea of southern New England speech.  She had seen her once, at their reunion, she was married to a man and had a few children.  Delphine had been gracious and unsurprised.

Cosima paused the narrative to stroke Delphine’s hair as they drifted around the pool in the growing dark of night, the dwindling traffic noise of San Francisco their own background.  Delphine closed her eyes and sighed at the touch, her body melting into her beloved’s side.  She appreciated how hard it was for Cosima to slow her speech, to recall the details of things she’d rather leave unsaid, to move haltingly backwards instead of continuously forward.  It was hard to stay angry at Cosima because the harm she inflicted so infrequently was never deliberate, always accidental and always followed by immediate and sincere apology.  Cosima kissed her forehead and smiled against the warm skin of the other.  

“Shall I continue?”

Delphine nodded against Cosima’s lips, surprised by her own lack of jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this little story within a story - I love the comments so keep them coming! Poem is yet another original, titled Gleam.


	16. Remembrance of Things Past (Part Two)

“So...it took like, eight hours to get remotely close to the village Shay was in, and even then I wasn’t really sure where to find her.  So I called the main house number…”

Cosima paused to kiss the top of Delphine’s head again, her arm gripped tightly around the blonde as she nuzzled closer, the night air growing just a bit colder.

************

“God!  Still no answer…”

Felix leaned casually against the scratched lexan that constituted the makeshift phone booth and shook his head, his face contorted in pity.

“It IS awful late love, maybe you should just get a hotel room and then figure out where she is in the morning…”

Cosima shook her head violently, beads of sweat snaking slowly through her hair and onto her exposed neck.  She knew it would be hot in Cambodia, but eight hours crammed on a bus with an exuberant gay man and a rotating cast of travellers and chickens had left her limbs soaked and what was left of her patience after the previous airline related micro disasters totally shot.  For his part Felix looked impeccable and nearly sweat free, such is the difference between gay men and women in crisis situations.  She dug a few more riel from her pocket and began punching the numbers that were permanently etched in her heart with a savage violence, as if her frustration could be communicated through the abuse of the worn metal keys and rickety enclosure.  On the fifth ring a familiar voice answered.

“Cosima?”

“Shay!  Shay!  Oh my god, it’s you, it’s really you!”

Felix rolled his eyes and made a gesture for cigarettes before walking a few yards away to give his new friend some privacy.  Cosima felt tears of relief spring to her eyes as images of Shay injured or Shay indisposed quickly gave way to images of her bright smile, her shockingly blue eyes, her high cheekbones and easy laughter.  She had expected that easy laugh, had expected to be greeted with the same level of excitement and relief that she herself felt after the eight hour delay, but instead all she got was a flat, weary tone and a half hearted response.

“Mmm hmmm.  It's me.  Are you in Kampot now?”

“Yes, I am.  I’m by the…” she narrowed her eyes and willed herself to suddenly understand Khmer, but it was no use, “I dunno, it took forever and that ride was insane but I’m here and near like a traffic circle thing and something that looks kinda like a stadium.  That’s not helpful, I know, but...how do I get to you, I mean, like, where exactly IS your village, is it really far, is there a bus that will go there?”

Cosima’s voice petered out as she awaited an answer, her hopeful smile becoming tighter as she looked up at Felix’s return, his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised.  She turned her body slightly and lowered her voice.  There was a long silence from the other end of the line and she feared that they had once again become disconnected.

“Shay...are you still there?  Talk to me, please…” she felt her own desperation and wondered how it translated across the line, if Shay could even tell how she was feeling.  Was Shay thinking of her, imagining her face as she imagined hers, was she wondering what was going on?  Did she miss her at all?  Why was she not at all concerned about her girlfriend travelling alone through a country whose language was entirely outside of her grasp and whose customs were even more so?  Cosima touched her forehead to the deeply grooved panel across from her, everything becoming suddenly clear as she barely registered the explanation that followed on the heels of a long sigh.  This was it, even if she didn’t say it, Cosima knew it.  She knew it all.

“Cosima, you can take a bus in the morning, it’s too late to come here now.  I might be able to meet you at the guesthouse tomorrow but it could be a few days…we’re really busy here...and...” her voice was calm and even but distant, as if their separation had already happened, as if it were inevitable.  She gave directions quickly then wished Cosima goodnight before abruptly hanging up.  Cosima closed her eyes and whispered an _I love you_ to the static silence of the disconnected line.  She felt, suddenly, the weight of her own foolishness.  Twenty-two, at the dawn of her adult life, and here she was on the streets of a foreign city, town really, with an engagement ring in her pocket and a gay Briton chain smoking at her side.  Felix stepped inside the booth and rubbed her back sympathetically.

“Ok, so, let’s find us a hotel and a bar and get you full of booze, shall we?”

Cosima nodded, too exhausted and heart broken to protest.  She willed herself out of the phone booth and shouldered her oversized pack, allowing Felix to lead the way through the tumble of pepper stores, massage parlours, and salt vendors.  They smoked quietly and wandered until they stopped in front of the Moliden Guesthouse and exchanged a glance and a shrug.  The sign was in English, at least they had that going for them.

************

Cosima paused her tale to trace a light line across Delphine’s forearms which were prickled with goosebumps.  Delphine kissed her neck softly, her heart breaking for the younger version of her beloved who had been so adorably and foolishly hopeful and so far from home, not to mention reality.  It was difficult not to immediately identify with the poor girl’s plight, though at least in her situation she spoke the language and was not on the verge of a marriage proposal.  Cosima smiled at Delphine’s attention and drew her impossibly close, her voice a glimmer of a whisper.

“It’s getting cold and late...we should probably turn in.”

Delphine nodded, not stopping the trail of kisses that she had begun, her lips making faint but sweet contact with Cosima’s shoulder, the upper curve of her bicep.  Her free hand, the one not trapped around the swell of Cosima’s hips, found purchase just beneath the front her beloved’s shirt, her fingers tracing unintelligible pictographs across the flesh of her stomach.  Cosima sighed and relaxed into Delphine’s touches, her brain exhausted by the reconstruction of events that she would rather have never spoke of again.  She reached for Delphine’s cheek and brought their faces together in a slow, warm kiss, her whole body alight with joy as their tongues slid lazily together, their lips giving and receiving the firm reassurance of love.  This was what love was supposed to be.  Not a wild rollercoaster of passion or maddening second guesses, but a slow perpetual burn, a low want that never quite went away but was not at the forefront of every nervous thought.  A perpetual knowledge of self and other coming together as a wholly new unit while never once letting go of either individual identity.

With Shay it had been all-consuming, her thoughts always turned in to what she could do or say and be in order to make the other woman happy.  She had gone to the ends of the Earth for her only to find out that she was never wanted there in the first place, that there was never a long term place for her.  With Delphine she was allowed to be herself, allowed to wheel freely and wildly across the terrain of their shared life with the reassurance that there would always be a place for her.  She had seen it in those perfect hazel eyes that first night Delphine had admitted her love and never once had it wavered, even as Cosima grew more exposed, even as she ripped back the layers of her existence and let Delphine see it all, the heartache and the flippancy and the overcompensation, the impulsivity and terrible decisions.  She let it all hang in the air between them and still she stayed, kind and loving with a hint of the fiery sting that made Cosima’s whole heart explode every time she was challenged or pushed to be bigger and better than she thought herself possible.

“Cosima…”

“Yeah?”

“Take me to bed, _s’il vous plait…_ ”

“Yeah, yes...of course...”

She broke their embrace and leaned over the edge of the float, paddling furiously with her hands until they reached the wide tiled stairs.  Delphine could not help but chuckle at Cosima’s awkward dismount, the way the shorter woman offered her a wet hand in mock chivalry.  Delphine took it gratefully and stood in the ankle deep water on the top step, her palms resting lightly on Cosima’s hips as she bent forward, initiating another kiss.  She felt her brain slow down, the jealousy and anger of the day leaking out as she drew Cosima tight against her taller frame.  Cosima was married, but it was not exactly that, not exactly what she first thought.  Her beloved had been wounded suddenly and was given an almost immediate life raft in the form of an artist and she had clung to him fiercely.  And while Delphine did not yet know the entire story, she felt like she had enough to relax again, enough to move forward.  Her kisses grew deeper, hungry, as Cosima’s arms draped sweetly around her shoulders.  They tried to step out of the pool without disengaging but their height difference made it impossible.  Delphine giggled and hauled Cosima up and into her, kissing her forehead, her cheeks.

“You are so cute…”

Cosima grinned and kissed Delphine’s jaw, feeling her body finally relax after a full day of pent up fear.  Delphine would not leave her, at least not over this, it was a start.  They murmured I love yous and continued the steady stream of kisses as they inched slowly across the lanai, towards the screen door, neither truly in the lead.  When they got to the door Cosima pulled away, looking up shyly.

“Delphine?”

“Yes, _mon amour?_ ”

“Would you mind terribly if we cut this visit with my family short and headed up to Napa for a night?  I have some folks I want you to meet…”

Delphine nodded, remembering the conversation she had overheard in the middle of the day.  She was about to ask if she would meet Shay when Cosima interrupted.

“I want you to meet Colin.  I told you about him this morning, and I’ll tell you the rest of the story, including how he ended up here, on the drive up.  Would that be ok?”

“Of course...will I also meet…”

She did not speak her name, knew she didn’t have to, as Cosima nodded and turned towards the door, holding it open for the blonde to scoot inside.  The large home was silent save for the distant trill of a television and the faint murmur of conversation between Donnie and Robert.  The grand atrium smelled faintly of marijuana and cigars, indicating that Tony had returned early and had joined the other men in the media room.  Normally she would drag Delphine down to the man cave, crash the party and raid the drugs, but she had other plans.

“Yeah, you’ll meet her too.  Colin lives with her, actually.  At least, for now…”

She took Delphine’s hand into hers and led her up the wide, lushly carpeted stairs, both of them silent.  They passed doors both closed and opened, the faint rustle of fans and sheets and tossing little bodies, the distant buzz of traffic occasionally punctuating the blanket of calm.  Delphine squeezed her beloved’s hand and admired her from behind, the curve of her body, the strength of her stride.  She smiled widely and felt herself falling further down the rabbit hole, the distant twinkle of doubt barely a memory as Cosima held her bedroom door open for her then closed it behind them.  How was it that she was able to set her whole mind on fire only to have it put out in the space of a day?  How had it only been twelve hours between _I’m already married_ to this, slowly roaming hands and the bumping of lips and teeth and tongues?  Delphine melted into Cosima’s embrace as they tumbled backwards onto the unmade bed, all soft kisses and breathy sighs.

They moved slowly and carefully around and with one another, nothing rushed, nothing hard, all of their edges having been sanded down by the sudden potential for loss and the equally sudden dissipation of that option.  They moved as one, a shirt shed here, pants lost there, until at last they lay beside each other, each pausing to take in the other as if for the first time.  Speech was limited to faint whispers between kisses and shy touches, as if their voices were too much, as if they would disturb the reverence that they each had built up.

“God, Delphine, you are so beautiful.”

“As are you.”

“I love you so much.”

“ _Je t’aime_ , I love you too, so very much.”

Cosima removed her glasses and placed them carefully on the nightstand behind Delphine, pressing their bodies together.  Delphine pushed her thigh between the brunette’s legs on instinct and was met with the slightest moan of approval, their legs tangling together, their arms looping around each other.  They kissed for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes until Delphine slipped her hands down her beloved’s back, raking her nails lightly against her spine.  Cosima responded by pulling the sheet around their bodies and running her fingers across the planes of her lover’s shoulders, down her arms, along the sides of her breasts, thrilled by the sped up pace of Delphine’s breathing, the slight shiver of her thighs.

“Cosima...please…”

The earnestness, the rawness of her desire was enough to make Cosima want to weep and as she reached between their tightly tangled legs and swept her fingers across her beloved before pushing into her, she knew it was all over, that she would never touch another woman again in this way for as long as she lived, and that nothing on this planet could ever equal this, the feeling of Delphine’s lips against her neck, the tightening of muscles around her fingers, and the sweet crying out of her name from the mouth of the only woman she would ever truly love.

They fell into a wordless slumber in the wake of Delphine’s coming undone, limbs an unreadable tangle, lips only inches apart.


	17. Remembrance of Things Past (Part Three)

Cosima grinned as Delphine hung her head out the window and whooped over the Golden Gate Bridge.  Delphine’s hair whipped crazily in the wind but she made no effort to pull it back or tame it, she knew how much Cosima loved it when she let it go wild, though she was thankful for the protective powers of the overly large black sunglasses that kept it from poking her in the eye.  She marvelled at how quickly San Francisco gave way to the rich greens and deep browns of agricultural activity and it made her heart ache for the countryside north of Paris and for the vineyards of the south that she so often toured with her father as a young girl.  They left the house in the early hours, before Alison and the kids woke up, giving a quick goodbye to Carol who had stumbled out of bed to enjoy a Bloody Mary and a cigarette on the front steps.

“Oh!  Napa!  How fun!  I assume you’re going to Calistoga then? How exciting!  Well, enjoy the valley, girls, and say hello to Colin for me!”

Cosima nodded and tossed their overnight bags into the trunk of her father’s bright yellow MG Midget.  It had been her car as a high school student so she figured he wouldn’t mind if she borrowed it to drive the short two hours north.  And even if he did mind, he was golfing, so there wasn’t a whole lot he could do or say about it anyway.

“Yeah mom, will do.  We’ll be back tomorrow sometime, then our flight to LA leaves the day after, so maybe one more dinner before we go?”

“Of coooooourse darling,” Carol swept off of the steps in yet another tribal print caftan, her hair wrapped in a matching turban.  She took Delphine’s hands in hers as the taller woman leaned over and gave her two quick kisses on the cheek.  “Oh Delphine, I’m so glad you’re going to be meeting my, grandson?  Yes, we’ll call him that, because that’s sort of what he is.  Anyway, I’m so excited for you.  It has been such a pleasure meeting you and I hope we get to talk more before you two head out to LA. And of course,  _ mah may sun est tah may sun!” _

Delphine laughed brightly, amused by Carol’s frequent attempts to use her mother tongue despite her abysmal pronunciation skills.  Before they folded themselves into the tiny vehicle, Carol pulled Cosima into a hug, nearly dumping her half-full drink down her daughter’s squirming back.  She mumbled something that Delphine could not quite hear that made Cosima shake her head forcefully before shutting herself into the tiny car.   Delphine thought about this interaction now as she crossed her arms over the open window and rested her chin on her forearms, the world tearing by in a swirl of color and sound.

“So...ready for more?”

Delphine nodded without responding, her eyes still on the blur of California as Cosima’s voice blended with her own internal voice as it checked off the signs they passed -  _ Sausalito, Marin City, Corte Madera, San Rafael… _

 

************

It had been seven days since her last shower and probably about three since her last period of sobriety of more than twenty minutes and Felix had had enough.  Growling, he pounded on the door to Cosima’s room, the thumping perfectly in time with the pounding in her temples.  Barely able to open her swollen eyes, Cosima buried herself beneath the thin comforter.

“Fuck off, Fee!”

Palms planted firmly on his leather clad hips, Felix rolled his eyes before slamming a booted foot into the door, sending splinters flying across the room.  Cosima sat up in shock, mouth agape, barely registering that she was topless.

“FEE!  What the fu…”

Her words were cut off by the wheeling hands of the proprietor and the exchange of clipped English and angry Khmer.  She had no idea when clothes happened, or how her things got into her bag, but suddenly they were on the street, two-hundred thousand riel poorer, with nothing to show for it but a flurry of haphazardly packed possessions and a general air of dishevelment.  Cosima wanted to cry but found that the well of her tears had run dry and that her sadness had dissipated to a simmering rage that threatened to reach a full on boil with every passing second as Felix fumbled through his man purse in search of cigarettes.

“Why...why did you DO that?!”

She sputtered, barely able to make words, her hair sticking up randomly and her glasses askew before her red-rimmed eyes.  Felix eyed her for a full thirty seconds, mouth agape and eyes wide, before launching into a stunningly dramatic tirade.

“WHY!?  Seriously?!  Cosima...you cannot just drown yourself in Angkor because some bloody cunt won’t return your calls!  You think you know what you want but you don’t.  You’re a baby and way too young to get married, let alone waste a perfectly good vacation on some stupid fucking twat.  You’re in a new country for fuck’s sake, so stop being a little bitch and pull your shit together.  AND, if you’re going to get so drunk you can barely stand, it’s not healthy to do it alone, we should be doing it together and making shamefully bad decisions that will translate into stories for our progeny as a result.”

Here Felix paused and lit two cigarettes, waving one in Cosima’s face.  She took it with a sigh, suddenly aware of how sticky her body felt and how caked in grossness her mouth was.  She took a long drag then shrugged.

“Impenetrable logic.”

“Right.  So, let’s go get tattoos or something.”

Cosima was about to shake her head and offer an alternative activity but shaking her head required more energy than she was willing to give to her life at that moment so she just shrugged and followed Felix as he skipped into the coming night, prattling on about past break ups and questionable decisions.

************

Eighteen hours, two tattoos, one desperate phone call to the bank of Robert and Carol Neihaus, and an unknowable amount of Kingdom Pilsner later, the duo found themselves back on the bus to Phnom Pehn, giggling wildly and shouting over each other to the horror of the old men and laborers surrounding them on the bus as it chased the eastern dawn.

“Ok, ok...worst fuck ever!”

“Oh my god, oh my god this is a tough one...umm...ok...so there was this girl…and she like...sneezed...”

“OH MY GAWD NOOOO!  Stop, stop, I cannot even take this!”

They passed a questionable bottle of questionable liquid between themselves and carried on as the sun rose through the windshield, only pausing to beg the driver to stop and let them pee on the side of the highway.  By the time they reached the airport they were both in desperately bad shape but with enough sense between them to agree that accosting an airport employee in their state would be a bad idea.  Curled together in a waiting area, they giggled and drifted off to sleep.

Hours passed.  Then days.  Then weeks.  Cosima called Yadoo and let them know she wouldn’t be returning in the Fall, Felix sent vague emails from internet cafes to even vaguer characters.  Activities blurred into one another as they raged across the eastern hemisphere, a torrent of bad decisions in their collective wake.  

It wasn’t until August that they began to address the inevitable - they had lives of a sort to return to, their visas were about to expire, and Cosima’s father’s generosity and patience were running thin.  As a last hurrah they made their way to Ko Samui, Thailand, and as they were checking in, the spark of an idea began to take shape.

“Hello, yes, we are booked for…” Felix’s eyes flickered across the hastily scribbled details that Cosima had recorded for him before exiting the lobby for a smoke.  Felix turned just as her backside disappeared through the glass doors and rolled his eyes with a chuckle, his partner in crime was no more with it than he was, but thankfully the receptionist didn’t seem to notice that they were both high as kites.  After a few awkward minutes and an exchange of credit card information, Felix waved to Cosima to follow but she shook her head and lit up another cigarette, something about opium always made her want to smoke even more than she already did.  Felix responded with a shrug and followed the directions to their shared suite.

Enjoying the brief respite from the constant flow of words from her new best friend, Cosima sat on a bench and checked the brick sized cell phone she had purchased that first day in Phnom Pehn for the first time in over two weeks.  She was pleasantly surprised that there was enough life in the battery to start it, though less pleasantly surprised by the alert for 57 unread text messages that yelled from the top of the screen.  With a groan she opened her mailbox and scrolled through the chunky text - drunk messages from her mother, well-wishes from her sister, weird punctuation mark formations that occasionally made obscene images from her brother - and then, more recently, a string of messages from an unknown number.  She turned towards the glass doors, knowing full well that if the messages were from who she thought (and desperately hoped) that they were from, that Felix would confiscate the phone and throw it into traffic or the pristine blue waters of the Gulf of Thailand.  Satisfied that her flamboyant other half was probably in their room cutting lines or taking a bath, she opened the messages and devoured them with the sick fury of someone who has seen something terrible but cannot look away.

 

**(1/8) cosima its shay sorry for not finding you until now and sorry for the**

**(2/8) lack of punctuation or proper grammar but this phone is kind of terr**

**(3/8) ible and i only just got it so anyway i am sorry for everything and its**

**(4/8) not like i didnt want to see you because i did and i still do but i don**

**(5/8) t think i can be what you need me to be and i dont think i can go on**

**(6/8) like this because the truth is that i met someone else and i wanted to**

**(7/8) tell you in person but it wasnt like there was a good time because i**

**(8/8) am buried over here but his name is paul try to be happy for me ok?**

 

Ok?  Ok?!?!  She felt the rage bubble over and out of each ventricle of her shattered heart as she stared at the single point of punctuation, the crooked and sinister question mark imploring and beseeching -  _ his name is paul, his name is paul _ .  It was only when she caught a nervous looking caucasian woman staring at her from across the valet lot that Cosima realized that she had been saying it aloud -  _ his name is paul his name is Paul his name is PAUL  _ \- a homicidal mantra ground out from her teeth as they gnashed wildly in her head.  She raised her hand to her face, expecting to find tears, but all she found was the tightness of anger, the flickering wrinkles of her face contorting in disgust as her mind raced across one thousand scenarios, none of them pleasant.

She stubbed her cigarette angrily into the side of the building and stalked into the room, throwing the door open so hard that the knob slammed into the wall with a cracking rapport not unlike the gunshot she fantasized about firing two seconds before.  Felix was sprawled across the single king bed in swim shorts, gleefully eating chocolates and swilling champagne from a recently opened bottle.  He looked over, about to make a smart ass comment about scoring the honeymoon suite, but the look on Cosima’s face stopped him.

“Cos...the fu…”

“HIS. NAME. IS. PAUL!  His fucking name is PAUL!”

Before Felix could get a question out otherwise, Cosima strode across the gorgeous room completely unaware of the sumptuous details, kicked the french doors of the veranda open, whipped the phone as far as she could throw it, and watched it land with a satisfying KAPLUNK in the sparkling lagoon below.  She stood for a long time on the veranda, her fingers curled around the railing as a stabilizer, her breathing heavy and ragged.  Felix made no move to comfort her, afraid that if he did she might bludgeon him to death with her bare fists or throw herself headlong into the sea.  After ten tense minutes Cosima’s breathing slowed down and her heart returned to a normal state, and what began as a soft cry bubbled up into raucous laughter.  Felix too began to laugh, though more nervously, as Cosima collapsed into a heap on the floor just inside of the doors, clutching her stomach and repeating herself with abandon.  Felix slid next to her and offered her the bottle, his arm around her shaking form as tears rolled down her face.

“Well, I guess that settles it then, yeah?  His name is Paul and your bitch loves the D.”

Cosima nodded, still laughing, and took a deep pull from the bottle, the bubbles tickling her nose and threatening to send the contents of her stomach screaming out of her face.  They were in the honeymoon suite, she thought as her mind reeled, they might as well make use of it.

 

************

 

Cosima paused for a moment as she eased the Midget into a gas station parking lot, turning to Delphine who sat quietly, eyes closed behind the omnipresent sunglasses, a half smile on her face.

“Hey, you still there?”

Delphine nodded and lifted her glasses up, using them as a headband to tame the mess of gold as Cosima put the car into park.  She leaned across the console and stole a quick kiss.

“ _Oui_ , yes, sorry.  I was just thinking about you, so young and so...angry?  I am sure it was not amusing at the time, but I am guessing that you can see the humor in it now, especially since you are still friendly with Shay…”

Cosima laughed softly and reached for Delphine’s hand, squeezing it quickly before reaching for the door handle.

“Yeah, I guess it was pretty ridiculous.  I have to pee and I need a snack...you want anything?”

“ _Non, mon amour_ , I am ok.”

“Ok, cool.  I’ll be back in a minute…”

Delphine nodded and took a moment to appreciate the view of her lover’s backside as she stood outside the door and stretched mightily with an exaggerated groan.  As Cosima disappeared into the convenience store, Delphine dug through her bag to check her messages, firing off a few clever jabs in response to Sarah’s increasingly raunchy jibes.  She thought about herself at 22, the seriousness and fragility of it all, how every move and every word felt imbued with meaning.  In a way that’s what her relationship with Cosima was like now, and though a few unexpected curve balls had been thrown, it still felt remarkably more stable than anything had in her earlier years, or any of her years for that matter.  She couldn’t help but grin broadly as Cosima returned and tossed a Twix into her lap with a wink.

“So, more now or later?”

Delphine shrugged.

“It does not matter, I just like to be with you, and it would seem we have lots of time to get to all of the details…” she paused and took down a full half of one half of the candy bar, surprised by her own hunger.  Cosima smirked and opened a bag of combos, tossing a few into her mouth before interrupting, crumbs dotting the chest of her black t-shirt.

“Yeah, I guess.  We’re only twenty minutes away and I’m pretty sure if we time it right we can catch Paul in the fields and get a quick tour…”

Delphine raised an eyebrow and chewed slowly as Cosima put the car into reverse then zipped back out onto 101 North.

“Wait, is this the same Paul?”

Cosima laughed and nodded, rolling down her window to comb the fingers of her left hand through the rushing wind.

“Yeah.  They’re married now.  Have been for almost ten years.  That’s why I thought they would be good for Colin, a bit more stable than me with the reading tours and the term at Southbourne.  And really, I know diddly-shit about raising kids and it’s not like I had the greatest role models in that arena...so...when Fee showed up, Shay and Paul were the most logical solution until I got my shit together…”

Delphine nodded for a long while as she thought this through, her curiosity desperate to connect the dots that linked a phone tossed into the ocean to a friendship strong enough to withstand fostering a child.  “And is your shit together now, Cosima?”  She asked as she finished the Twix and sucked the melted chocolate from the tips of her fingers, her eyes on Cosima’s profile as the brunette shrugged.

“I mean, I like to think so...wait...do you think it’s not?”  Cosima’s voice rose with momentary worry as she stole a quick glance at her amused girlfriend.  Delphine brushed the back of her fingers across Cosima’s cheek and rolled her eyes.

“That is not what I was saying, eyes on the road, _s’il te plait_.”

Cosima rolled her eyes and returned them promptly to the road as they settled into a contemplative silence.  After a few moments they turned off of exit 494 and were soon maneuvering a series of dirt roads, Cosima narrating the quick history of the vineyards and farms they passed.  Pausing for a tractor before turning, Cosima turned to Delphine nervously.

“Ok, here we are, you ready?”

Delphine nodded as they eased into a break in the valley, the midday sun shining off of the freshly painted green tin roof of a neat white farmhouse and the methodically sectioned rows of the surrounding vineyard.  As Cosima threw the car into park, Delphine heard a squeal of delight and saw a blonde blur erupt from the side of the house.

“COSIMA COSIMA COSIMA!”

Before she could say anything, the brunette was out of the car and on her knees to accept the leaping hug from the tiny, rumpled human who looked as if he had been busily wrestling a wild animal before making his appearance.  Delphine stood from the car and lowered her sunglasses against the glare as a compact blonde woman in dusty coveralls and work boots followed the same trail blazed by the urchin.

“Colin!  Relax!  Give her a second…”

Cosima, for her part, was laughing hysterically, holding the little boy to her chest with such happiness that Delphine’s heart exploded with love for her and for the strange little family they made.  Turning to the woman, she smiled and held out her hand.

“You must be Shay.  It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Shay canted her head before taking Delphine’s hand, her face not quite a smile, as if she were schooling her features against it.

“Yeah, hi.  Delphine, right?  Nice to meet you also.”

The two women stood awkwardly for a moment, sizing each other up, before a flurry of activity erupted from the adjacent barn and the sound of braying punctuated the air.  Shay looked as if she were about to say something, then thought better of it as a pack of beagles came running full tilt towards the car.  Delphine braced herself with a grimace as the dust was kicked up and the drool began to fly.  Shay, for her part, looked apologetic as Cosima continued to laugh, Colin squealed even louder, and Delphine felt acutely the very real, strange, and sudden shift that the day was about to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow days are the best :)


End file.
